wedding, hen do, transgender

[user1488971792]

Hi I'm after some advice.
I am getting married and just organising the hen do. Im in a bit of a predicament. My cousin (who is quite a bit older then me not that thats really relevant i suppose) is transgender- male to female. All the family have been very accepting and we would rather see her happy then living a lie and she is aware this is how we feel. This isn't a new thing and we have known about her becoming transgender for 2-3 years now.
now the difficult part!! Im organising a hen do, nothing wild, just an overnight stay, spa that sort of thing. its obviously all women, but i don't know whether to invite cousin or not. If it had of been a night out it wouldnt be an issue as i would have just invited her. However, we are all staying in a house together with a hot tub, she is in a relationship with a women and hasn't had any surgery so still 'male' physically. There will be young girls there who i know won't feel comfortable with a 'man.' i think it would be different if she had had surgery, i don't know why? if i don't invite her it will be awkward and i know she won't want to go on the stag do which i completely understand. I am yet to mention anything about the issue at all as i genuinely don't know what to do and dont want to hurt feelings etc any advice on how to handle this issue sensitively ?

She is living her life as a woman. Therefore you should invite.

Rachel Dolezal was living her life as a black woman. Look how that worked out for her.

You'd have to not wear pants, cool. There isnt a sex neutral option...

If you can't have her there then you are not as accepting as you first thought

It's the op's choice. Trans people do get used to being excluded from things for various reasons and people shouldn't be made to feel guilty if they don't want them there.

Even if it's a big family do and your sister says 'let's have a girls picture' and deliberately ignores you. Doesn't matter. No point making a fuss. It's an awkward conversation that some trans people don't want to get involved in and will happily exclude themselves from. Not that I'm projecting or anything

Traditionally misogynistic yes of course. Not anymore. Classy bit about dogs though, very intellectual.

And no I don't have children, I have been rather put off after being abused as a child. I never realised I could dictate someone else's arrangements based on my experiences though, that is a useful tip. Another useful tip: SHOULD NEVER FACTOR IN. If I am uncomfortable doing something I don't do it, that is my personal problem, not the problem of a transgender person who is obviously having a difficult time in their lives. What genitals someone has should never preclude someone from doing anything in life. That is what equality is. Have women had a shit time, yes they absolutely have myself included, do I blame every person that has a penis? No. Every person is an individual and their gender should not matter.

You know what I think will assist though? Shouting PENIS = MAN a bit more, nobody has done that for at least a page.

Sorry that you feel that you feel that way helle but I will shout and scream for the right of real ( thanks Jenni) women. You do not have the right to impinge/ overide my rights on MY SPACE and the other 50 odd percent.

Hell are you for real. Fuck the abuse victim. As long as the transwomen is included it doesn't matter right?

cool you are ignoring the pants issue.

Grey your first couple of posts were hardly intellectual love, I was just matching my audience.

I'm sorry you were abused. That's really shit.

Touché. I was just making an observation, in language I use to mainly amuse myself.

I just googled cool.

There's no such thing.

Wanna set up a business?

I've not read all 500+ messages but I would invite cousin. I'd also have a frank chat with her.

ego that sounds shit. I'm sorry.

I do think in the OPs situation where she wants to take two, possibly conflicting people into account, she needs to start with talking and listening to them. Not assume that the cousin will want to do the activities she may be uncomfortable with, and not assume the abused women will be totally uncomfortable with the presence of the cousin.

I would have thought it's more likely they could both agree to be sensitive and understanding of the other and maybe they would both want to miss out on the hot tub anyway!

Women have vaginas.
Men have penises.

Nowt to do with gender. Eventually to do with biology.

Abused women's safe spaces
Womankind helplines

*everything

They would need to accommodate penises, but not look like they were penis orientated.

I imagine the simplest way would be for women to capitulate and just agree that their pants should be called neutral pants from now on, except they'll have button flies up the front. Pants with no penis access points will need to be cispants.

Men's pants are really comfy.

No good for sanitary towels though. I start wearing DHs boxers in pregnancy and then after both births when I realised I would have to go back to shitty lady knickers in order to stick pads in I got very upset!

Pregnant again now and yep, back in the boxers. Lovely

Oof I think that is a whole other debate. Personally I don't think a hen party is a women only space, it is entirely up to the host. At my 'hen' party I should think 60% would be male, as I don't keep many close female friends. But that's up to me, society shall not gender my hen party space

I don't have a problem with men using a woman's bathroom.. runs away to get more popcorn