wedding, hen do, transgender

[user1488971792]

Hi I'm after some advice.
I am getting married and just organising the hen do. Im in a bit of a predicament. My cousin (who is quite a bit older then me not that thats really relevant i suppose) is transgender- male to female. All the family have been very accepting and we would rather see her happy then living a lie and she is aware this is how we feel. This isn't a new thing and we have known about her becoming transgender for 2-3 years now.
now the difficult part!! Im organising a hen do, nothing wild, just an overnight stay, spa that sort of thing. its obviously all women, but i don't know whether to invite cousin or not. If it had of been a night out it wouldnt be an issue as i would have just invited her. However, we are all staying in a house together with a hot tub, she is in a relationship with a women and hasn't had any surgery so still 'male' physically. There will be young girls there who i know won't feel comfortable with a 'man.' i think it would be different if she had had surgery, i don't know why? if i don't invite her it will be awkward and i know she won't want to go on the stag do which i completely understand. I am yet to mention anything about the issue at all as i genuinely don't know what to do and dont want to hurt feelings etc any advice on how to handle this issue sensitively ?

*those

Grey

bitches. Nice.

I'm sure she meant 'bitch' in a totally gender fluid way.

You don't think it's relevant to whether to invite someone to a hen do, a women's space, that there's as much as an 80% chance that this person is a fetishist who specifically gets off on the idea of "being a woman" and being in women's spaces?

Hi again everyone,
We are having to make repeated deletions and much as we are trying to keep a light hand on the tiller, deletions-wise, it is proving rather difficult. It's getting close to the point where, if the thread is bothering the OP and causing us at MNHQ to keep having to return, it will go, which is not what anyone wants.

in a old post i said about my husband as we have been together a very long time and although not married, we are living in a marriage in every other way other than actually going through a wedding ceremony! plus shock horror i have had children out of wedlock. this was a legitimate thread but if feel free to report. plus sometimes when i post i do change small details so as not to out myself, this is a completely genuine thread but feel free to report, i can assure you i am a genuine user.

Bitches is a non gender specific term in this house

We also don't categorise people on account of their genitalia in this house. As I said, bitches.

Helen - what are the deletions for? Personal attacks?

cba reading 20 pages
Just keep the hen do friends only. I didn't have any family at mine

Cool

Let's hope they don't go into dog breeding, hey? Could get confusing...

womb- I'm a counselling psychologist and no one gives his work any credence because it's really pretty bad. The fact it is not in the DSM-5 should be obvious enough, you can't just impose disorders on people because they don't fit your idea of normal. Gender ( and trans) is my specific area of work- if you want some credible studies that really get to grips with gender dysphoria im happy to send them your way, but really don't waste your time on that rubbish.
And in terms of studies that dismiss his findings, you've had the moser article and if you check out the journal of counselling psychology, clinical psychology and the journal of transgender health you can fill your boots with other articles that find his work risible.

Trifle - because although there is no rule about a hen do having to be female only, if I am invited to a hen do, I tend to expect women only. I don't think I am unusual in that respect. So if I were avoiding events that require me to put on a swimming costume in mixed company, or which required me to sit in physical contact with men, I would not expect to avoid a hen do. I'm not saying that anyone who has survived abuse either should or is likely to run their lives this way, but if an abuse survivor is supposed to self-exclude to avoid hurting anyone else with her upsetting feelings, she might expect that she would not need to do so at an event which is called by a synonym for 'woman-do'.

[looks around]
[tumbleweed]

Thread looks like swiss cheese at the moment

Bitches is a non gender specific term in this house
A bitch is a female dog. So sex specific if not gender specific (dogs may have a gender but have not yet figured out how to communicate it).
grey why are you using female terms as insults? Seems rather misogynistic

Oh dear.

Who are you talking to grey. You know full well bitch is a loaded misogystic word. Fuck women though yeah.

She is living her life as a woman. Therefore you should invite. What is she going to do just because she hasn't had bottom surgery yet? It isn't like she is a danger to them. Invite her.

If you can't have her there then you are not as accepting as you first thought

I think Grey is just trying to be cool.

It's not working sweetie

I have already commented but feel like I have to again. I can't believe how transphobic a lot of the posters have been on here. It breaks my heart to know that these outdated bigotries are still alive and well.