Do you ever feel physically drained after speaking to someone?

[Bukkaroo]

I don't know if IABU or not but after being around some people or chatting to them I feel physically drained and just can't wait to get them to stop talking because I feel like they're making me feel ill. I know that sounds over dramatic and wondered if anyone else has ever felt the same?

Yes x

My mother. She's just left . I have ME so it's very wearing for me. Just constant diatribe and complaining about everything. Example this morning she came in the kitchen and complained about the tv being on because we should be listening to radio 4, then starts on about how we shouldn't watch such drivel (sky news). Says the same thing every time she stays and insists on banging on about the wonders of Andrew Marr . Won't shut up about her perceived "ills" in the world. Constantly shushes me, interrupts me, tells me I should let her finish (when she's interrupted me), tells me not to go on and how I repeat myself (ooooh the irony), tells me not to raise my voice, tells me I'm nasty etc etc.

I know this sounds really woo op, but I work with people and was taught this. Imagine protecting yourself with a bubble surrounding you nothing can get in unless you consciously let it.
It has helped me not spend weekends in bed feeling drained and disgusting.

'Turning tables' is another way i describe some conversations - if your saying something they WILL make it about them, all the time, even if its not. They will interrupt, switch it about , bring up other avenues of conversation so the original one ( i started) is completely irrelevant and forgotten. grrr!

Yes! My friend goes on and on about her problems, refuses to take any advice or to do anything about them, harps on about how everyone else in the world has it so much easier and leaves without asking how anyone else is... fed up with it!

There is one person I know like that, she is actually a nice person, but she talks at you very directly, she says a lot of things and she talks very fast. I cannot take in what she is saying beyond a certain point, and I can actually feel myself getting physically a bit panicky. My legs start jittering like they want to run for the hills

It is just massive information overload and I cannot take it in my brain stops working and my eyes lose focus.

Talking 'at people' that is a tough one too - its like trying to stop a run away train sometimes, you just cant do it and they have no self awareness either that they are doing it.
my supervisor actually 'switches off' if you say anything that isnt about her, you can see it in her eyes. Maybe we are all the 'aware ones' and they are not??

The ex, every weekend when I drop the DTDs off at his house. I leave feeling shattered .

My ex house mate. She was incredibly kind but utterly draining and she is aware of what she does and once explained to me that is why she is extra kind/generous, to balance her personality out.

One night I dreamt I was pushing her off the balcony! I have never dreamt before or since of actually killing someone!

This happened to me this morning! A very nice and friendly older woman at the cafe after toddler group. Lovely but would not stop talking! Found out afterwards everyone else has learnt not to get stuck with her. I felt shell-shocked after being talked at for twenty minutes solid!

Not physically ill exactly but I have a friend/acquaintance who somehow sucks life and happiness out of you. She is very negative and anything you suggest (even quite innocuous things) she always has an answer for why it doesn't work for her or is too difficult. It's quite sad actually because she complains that her mum is very negative but unfortunately I can see the same in her to a degree.
Maybe she's too honest in a way, it it's like she has no awareness of how her responses might make someone else feel, she'd never say something to be polite like ' that's a good idea' she just shoots you down Pow!!

I know of a woman known locally as Tracy ThreeTwats - because if you tell her you've got two twats, she's got three.

Seriously though, it's about emotional regulation. Some people are naturally very emotionally regulating - they are calm, cheerful, balanced and interested in what you have to say. Those are your radiators. Other people are very DYSregulating - the don't listen to reason or won't listen at all, won't discuss sensibly, and display a lot of uncontrolled negative emotion. Those are your vampires.

isabelle, always avoid the ones on their own looking around for their next 'victim'! lol ( the others could have warned you too!)

The# boasters' are a breed apart - will casually mention their car, holiday, new conservatory without you even bringing it up. the 'Elevanarife people,# if you've been to Tenerife, they have gone one better. They are just as self absorbed as the turning tables crowd, but tend to be even more vocal in my experience. i hate people that boast, facebook is a good way of them doing it too!

Oh yes, I know the type. There is someone I used to encounter (friend of a friend) on a fairly regular basis some years ago, and I used to feel totally drained by her. I think it was mostly because she had no interest in anyone except herself.

And she could talk nonstop on that most fascinating topic. To this day, if I were to meet her, I would feel the same way.

Yes a relative of mine.

Every 'funny' story of hers begins with how she got up that morning. By the time she gets to the interesting bit I've zoned out.

She lists every imaginary health complaint in great detail. Then if you ever manage to say something about your life she is incredibly judgmental and gives you advice which is so impractical it might as well be 'just run off and life in the woods'.

Now she's gotten really into politics-sigh.

so, we have the Drains, the radiators ( nice enough) the vampire sucker types, the boasters and the 'one up better ' than you types. Harry enfield had the ' we are incredibly richer than you' types on his show - met loads of those in the past ( although, to be fair, they were and probably still are!)

Me too....with my MIL. If she hasn't seen anyone for a few days I get the whole story from day 1. She doesn't stop for breath. I have to prepare myself for her.

Ive told this before but she turned up two nights running at tea time when the kids were starving. She demands so much attention I can't cook AND chat. She didn't draw breath for an hour, and repeated herself from the previous day. I felt dizzy and ill by the time she left. I then got straight on the phone to DH and told him to sort his fucking mother out. She doesn't come round a tea time anymore.

Talking of Harry Enfield I know quite a few of the 'You don't want to do it like that' characters. They always know where you could have bought something at a lower price. Or tell you you should have bought a different one.

I know some people like this.
An older lady who is sometimes at the toddler group I go to. The only conversation I have with her involves her pouring out all the things wrong in her life and me nodding and saying "Mmm."
She just goes on and on! Her life sounds like one non stop mystery fest. It also sounds like she's managed to fall out with every single member of her family and its never her fault in the slightest!
I have made the mistake of offering suggestions of what to do, or even point out that she might have been a bit mistaken about something.
This only resulted in an even longer monologue.
DH has a friend I have mostly banned from the house. He too is a misery sharer, there isn't any conversation that he can't wrench round into talking about how crap his life is.
His life is crap, and most of it is entirely down to him. Can't stand being around the man, he leaves me beyond exhausted.
We also have a serial interrupter at the music group I go to.
He ignores the group leader, talks over people, keeps banging on about the same old thing as he wants everyone to agree with him, has no concept of personal space and also has a bit of BO.
I avoid as much as possible. He's very "well meaning" but he won't accept that a solution that worked for him, won't for me.
I now lie about my toddlers sleeping habits as I'm fed up of getting a lecture about using crying it out.
The one week he didn't go to music group, we got an awful lot more done!

Ohyesiam So does this really work?!

It'd be great to have some discussion on how to handle these kind of people...
for example I'm way too nice and often fall victim to the "let me tell you boring shit you don't want to hear and vent forever" people. How to stop them without being too rude? Sometimes you can tell them there is something else you have to go do but it's not always applicable.

I can take most people even those that talk constantly but I have a friend who is the most dour negative person I have ever meet. She's the sort who'd win the lottery and complain about the tax bill.
I've had to stop talking to her as I find her exhausting.

To whoever said it's an introvert thing... It's not an introvert thing!!! Everyone finds someone draining! Just as being annoyed by toddlers and tired after socializing isn't an introvert thing!!! Yes 'extroverts' like company, but some 'introverts' act like 'extroverts' are only happy if they're partying 24-7. We ALL like quiet time, and not to be talked at, and not to be followed around all day by noisy toddlers (see recent 'introvert' thread).
Sorry rant over!