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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think Dd needs to stop back chatting the teachers?

139 replies

PossumInAPearTree · 20/03/2017 18:07

16yo Dd had permission from her art teacher to stay in art dept at lunchtime and do some work. Head of art walks past, sees Dd there and "screams" at her to get out.

Dd tells her that Mr X has given her permission (fair enough), teacher "shouts" at her that if she's not out the classroom in 30 seconds she will be banned from the art dept for a term.

Dd then asks her if that ban will include being banned from lessons! . Dd thinks she's perfectly in the right. She doesn't see that asking if a ban would also mean being banned from lessons is arguing/cheeky/no bloody need/she should just have left.

So now she's sobbing and accusing me of having a go at her!

She was arguing with a maths teacher last week that he didn't know what a Venn diagram was and was teaching them something incorrect (she was right but I don't think arguing with him so much that she's been moved to the back row is good).

She's like this at home as well. Has to have the last word on everything and I'm sick of it. Is it normal for a teen to be so bloody argumentative? She has a total inability to take a step back and realise that sometimes it's time to bite your tongue.

OP posts:

BoneyBackJefferson · 22/03/2017 06:59

Venn diagrams

To think Dd needs to stop back chatting the teachers?

Mistressiggi · 22/03/2017 07:12

At what point in the school year should the respect I earn kick in? Presumably not in September, I've not had time to do much by then . By Christmas? That's a lot of weeks of disrespect being served up to me.

When a police officer holds his hand up to stop traffic, should I respect his authority, or wait a bit to see if he behaves decently towards me?

Trifleorbust · 22/03/2017 07:34

Gileswithachainsaw:

Sounds like you are one of 'those' parents (if you are a parent). I deserve their respect because I use my authority to help them. It's not for me - it is for them. Children doing as they are told is how they all get to learn. I make no apologies for it.

Gileswithachainsaw · 22/03/2017 07:40

I'm not one of anything. I know no different really. I've always done as I was told and I'll probably pass that on to the the kids.

But I have suffered alot of unfairness and humiliation etc at the hands of people in authority because I never questioned it.

Unless of course you think it's right that boys can harass girls in class and get away with it because the teacher shouts ant anyone who tells them to shut up or asks then to repeat this game because someone was talking in their earn all lesson?

Should I allow my dd to go through that because raising it is questioning authority?

Can't u just admit some teachers do suck and are unfair ajd do take advantage of overly compliant pupils. I haven't said you do. I haven't said all do. Just some

Trifleorbust · 22/03/2017 07:44

Gileswithachainsaw:

Do you really believe, based on my posts, that I would have a problem with a student raising a serious issue like that?

It sounds like you have had some very negative experiences. That is sad.

Lweji · 22/03/2017 07:55

As with most thinks it's neither black nor white.
Both authority figures and those under their authority need to respect each other.

Teachers have that authority to start with, but can lose it very quickly and then it will be hard to regain.
You don't have to earn it but you (we) certainly have to work at maintaining it.

IvorHughJarrs · 22/03/2017 08:31

I read these threads and despair of the society we are building here with parents telling their little treasures they are entitled to be treated with respect while teachers have to earn theirs. Those parents will be the ones complaining that employers aren't fair and wondering why their DCs don't do well in the workplace in a few years as employers don't have to take the same argumentative shit that teachers do.
Newman sums it up well You listen to any gen X complain about the "me me me" gen Y and you can see it's a product of the "system". Its only going to get worse as people think they are more entitled than they are and methods of discipline are reduced.

LittleIda · 22/03/2017 08:50

I've had children in school for nine years and none of their teachers have victimised children. They've been professional and wanted the best for the children in their care. It's sad that people have had bad experiences in the past that have made them angry and resentful at teachers and employers still as an adult. I'd advise anyone in that situation to get some sort of counselling to resolve those issues and not pass their attitudes on to their children.

Gileswithachainsaw · 22/03/2017 08:54

I don't need counselling. Ffs. The teachers and employers were in the wrong. My attitude wasn't the one that needed fixing ffs.

TumsMet · 22/03/2017 08:57

The teachers and employers were in the wrong

Thinking everyone is out to get you can mean you maybe do need some help.

LittleIda · 22/03/2017 09:01

You said upthread you were damaged by it and you do post an awful lot about your anger at how you were treated by teachers. If you don't think you have any issues then that's fine, carry on as you are.

Gileswithachainsaw · 22/03/2017 09:02

Yes it's me who needed help when a staff member grabbed me by the throat....

Yes she was just out to get me im.paranoid.

When I was made to look stupid I'm front of the class I imagined the whole thing afterwards where multiple people came up to me and asked "what was that about"

Oh and if I need help the whole class did cos they all heard the same lie I did....

These people do exist....

Gileswithachainsaw · 22/03/2017 09:04

They wers wrong. In the incidents I'm talking about they were wrong.

I was a well behaved compliant pupils ajd I'm. The same now. If I'm. Asked to do something at work I do it. The only my questions I ask are relevant ones like extra info or something.

I'm. Not some rebellious impossible person or anything. You all would have loved me at school honest

Eolian · 22/03/2017 09:55

If you're a crap teacher you should expect to lose the respect of your pupils.

I see your point, but essentially a teacher is both in loco parentis and is a representative of the school and its rules and regulations. The teacher is responsible for the whereabouts and the safety of the child, quite apart from their education. In that position of responsibility to the school, the governors, the Head and the parents, the teacher needs to be able to expect the child to do as they are told, regardless of how poor or excellent at the subject the teacher may be.

It is impossible for 100% of teachers to be excellent. It's even impossible for 100% of teachers to be good, just as it is for anyone in any job. If all below average teachers were sacked, there would not be anything like enough teachers to actually keep schools open. Would you refuse to do what a police officer told you on the grounds that you didn't think they were a very good police officer?

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