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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to feel annoyed my sister is better off on benefits and handouts

129 replies

GoingSlowly · 20/03/2017 17:27

I am close with my sister and love her to bits. She is a single Mum and I know she has a hard time bringing up the children alone much of the time. She always acts as if she is financially much worse off than we are and has an "it's OK for you" attitude when it comes to money. So, since she split with her ex, I've always believed she had a lower income than us, and make allowances for her financially (paying more than half for meals out, etc). My family all treat her as if she is skint all the time and always pay for stuff for her.

I therefore felt annoyed when I found out recently how much she is bringing in each month, she is MUCH better off now than when she was with her ex (who has a low income), mainly due to the benefit payment she receives. Her income is more than ours. I am actually quite astonished.

We are a middle income family and do OK but it feels as if we are always scrimping and saving. My sister, on the other hand, is quite wasteful with money. She wastes a lot on food - buys expensive food/treats and ends up throwing a lot away. She books expensives holidays for the family (like cruises and trips to Disney Land in Florida), then moans she can't afford it and the family stump up the extra cash. We go camping in the UK each year and family do not help. She also 'treats' herself A LOT - clothes, shoes, bags, spa trips, etc. In contrast out life is quite frugal, but I've always thought it was because we try to save money, and she chooses not to.

It's not that her income is more - it's the fact that she acts as if she is the poor relation, and that the family constantly props her up. The reality is that by paying for her holidays, buying her a car, filling her car with petrol, etc, my parents are almost 'rewarding' her for being crap with money. They do not help us at all, even though we actually have less income???

OP posts:
FlyingElbows · 20/03/2017 18:01

Cruises and trips to disneyland on benefit money? Away and shite. We, a family of 5, we're in receipt of a whopping £114 a week jsa when Mr Elbows was made redundant. Tax credits topped it up to still less than it cost to pay the mortgage let alone feed the children. Op you, and ever other giddy fucker like you, are talking out your arse. Nobody is living the life of Riley on benefit unless they are doing the double, claiming as single illegally and subsequently sub-letting a second property. Even then they're hardly coining it in at mega bucks level.

PortiaCastis · 20/03/2017 18:02

I've lived on benefits and there's no way I could have had a holiday. Just about managed to keep a roof over our heads and sometimes didn't eat so dd could

AwaywiththePixies27 · 20/03/2017 18:04

OP if she's working. How many hours? And what benefits is she receiving?

maddiemookins16mum · 20/03/2017 18:05

My sister managed an all-inc holiday every year on benefits. She proudly boasted that she only had to pitch up yearly for an interview down the benefits office as she had two kids. It wasn't until they changed the rules and her youngest turned 11/12 that her benefits changed. At one point she was "taking home" £18,100 a year, she had no income of her own, quite literally she had everything paid for.
She openly admitted to me she was living the life of Riley for a good while but it was made easy for her.
She's working now, both kids grown and left home.

heron98 · 20/03/2017 18:09

YANBU. Fucks me right off that I work full time and my friend earns more on benefits. There is something wrong there. They should be a support, not av lifestyle.

Astoria7974 · 20/03/2017 18:10

Her income will only last until her kids turn 16-18. Your income presumably will remain and you will also get a good pension. Swings and roundabouts. But I know what you mean. I have several aunts who rake in benefits money, make their kids go without essentials, and then are able to stump up 20-40k to buy their housing association money. Not fair

AwaywiththePixies27 · 20/03/2017 18:10

I'm close to my sister too and love her to bits. I don't think I've ever started a MN thread about her.

PortiaCastis · 20/03/2017 18:12

All benefit claims are subject to rigourous procedure. Job seekers allowance is £73 per week so how the fuck do people go to disney?

AwaywiththePixies27 · 20/03/2017 18:13

I have several aunts who rake in benefits money, make their kids go without essentials, and then are able to stump up 20-40k to buy their housing association money. Not fair

Assuming you mean housing association house. If they've got 20-40k spare then they're clearly swindling the benefits system to begin with.

TonySopranosVest · 20/03/2017 18:14

Again. If it's SO FUCKING CUSHY and Disney holidays and all inclusives and cruises and and and...

then do it. Just DO IT. At least you won't be eaten up with bilious jealousy and you'll be able to stay in bed all day and smoke fags and drink booze and have a puppy and a big TV and go on spa days and eat cut up fruit and it will be AWESOME.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 20/03/2017 18:15

All benefit claims are subject to rigourous procedure. Job seekers allowance is £73 per week so how the fuck do people go to disney

PortiaCassis I believe there's rules about leaving the country for Disney or anything else when on JSA. Something about having to be available for work and having to sign on. I don't think many people who visit Disney just pop over for the weekend in between jobsearches.

PortiaCastis · 20/03/2017 18:16

Fail to see how a person on benefits would get a mortgage to buy a house

PortiaCastis · 20/03/2017 18:17

I know pixie if you don't sign on you get a big fat nothing

WatchingFromTheWings · 20/03/2017 18:18

Cruises and Disney as a single parent on benefits? Pull the other one, it's got bells on....

My 'D'sis had a foreign holiday every year as a single mum on benefits. She'd dump her kids on whoever would gave them and bugger off somewhere hot and sunny. In 20 years she's not once taken her kids away.

She also ate out 2-3 times a week and down the pub/nightclub most weeks.

Her 'income' was higher than mine when I was working FT.

PortiaCastis · 20/03/2017 18:18

Do how did she sign on?

fruitbrewhaha · 20/03/2017 18:19

is £1800 take home middle income?

PortiaCastis · 20/03/2017 18:21

There is a benefit cap

AwaywiththePixies27 · 20/03/2017 18:21

Isn't it funny PortiaCassis. All the vitriol for the single mums 'raking it in'. (yes I know men can be single parents too before I'm pulled up on it).

Least the single mums were the parents that actually bothered to stick around and raise their kids.

TonySopranosVest · 20/03/2017 18:21

And anyway, all of this is just shouting into the abyss because before much longer there won't be a welfare system or pensions or an NHS and then all the people pissing and moaning about people getting "something for nothing" will be all and and "Wha happened?!, where's all my STUFF gone?" and I'll be all "Well, you didn't like anyone having something you thought you weren't getting - even though the evidence showed that what they were getting was pretty much sweet FA - so now no one gets ANYTHING and that's much fairer...you know? Do you remember when the government and the Daily Hatred told you?"

PortiaCastis · 20/03/2017 18:25

Yes pixies obviously being a single Mum is a doddle

expatinscotland · 20/03/2017 18:28

So why not become shite with money, OP and then go on benefits so your parents can give you 'handouts', too? Or better yet, why not speak to them about how unfair you find this, keeping aware, once again, that they are entitled to do whatever the fuck they please with their money.

TileTileTile · 20/03/2017 18:31

Hi OP. I can understand how frustrating this is for you. The problem is really your parents behaviour. They are unlikely to change unfortunately, and will probably continue to bail out your sister, despite her taking home more than you each month.

Best thing you can do is stop helping your sis financially, and when your parents quiz you on why, point out that she has a higher monthly income than you, and you can't afford to supplement her, nor should you have to.

They may decide to change but most likely they won't. Sorry OP Flowers

WatchingFromTheWings · 20/03/2017 18:32

Do how did she sign on?

She didn't have to for a number of years. Then youngest DC was at an age where they pushed her to get a job (so might have signed on then) so she got a job with the smallest contract she could find.

BestMammyEver · 20/03/2017 18:33

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

PortiaCastis · 20/03/2017 18:34

I had to go and get reviewed every 3months

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