Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to feel annoyed my sister is better off on benefits and handouts

129 replies

GoingSlowly · 20/03/2017 17:27

I am close with my sister and love her to bits. She is a single Mum and I know she has a hard time bringing up the children alone much of the time. She always acts as if she is financially much worse off than we are and has an "it's OK for you" attitude when it comes to money. So, since she split with her ex, I've always believed she had a lower income than us, and make allowances for her financially (paying more than half for meals out, etc). My family all treat her as if she is skint all the time and always pay for stuff for her.

I therefore felt annoyed when I found out recently how much she is bringing in each month, she is MUCH better off now than when she was with her ex (who has a low income), mainly due to the benefit payment she receives. Her income is more than ours. I am actually quite astonished.

We are a middle income family and do OK but it feels as if we are always scrimping and saving. My sister, on the other hand, is quite wasteful with money. She wastes a lot on food - buys expensive food/treats and ends up throwing a lot away. She books expensives holidays for the family (like cruises and trips to Disney Land in Florida), then moans she can't afford it and the family stump up the extra cash. We go camping in the UK each year and family do not help. She also 'treats' herself A LOT - clothes, shoes, bags, spa trips, etc. In contrast out life is quite frugal, but I've always thought it was because we try to save money, and she chooses not to.

It's not that her income is more - it's the fact that she acts as if she is the poor relation, and that the family constantly props her up. The reality is that by paying for her holidays, buying her a car, filling her car with petrol, etc, my parents are almost 'rewarding' her for being crap with money. They do not help us at all, even though we actually have less income???

OP posts:
TonySopranosVest · 20/03/2017 17:45

You do it too then if it's so easy and brilliant. Give up your jobs and go onto benefits and "handouts".

I never understand this - it's available to all and sundry (according to morons and idiots) so if you want a council house and housing benefit and job seekers allowance and all the amazing "perks" like FSM and free prescriptions then just do it!

PortiaCastis · 20/03/2017 17:46

Jesus is this another thread bashing single Mums?
I'm a single Mum and believe me I haven't got a hope in hell of taking dd to Disneyland.

As ever the benefit entitlements are online for those who care to check facts.

Does your sister know you are starting online threads about her OP?

MrsJayy · 20/03/2017 17:46

She is leeching off your mum that is different from cruises on benefits isn't it?, this is your mums problem but tbh I can see why it is pissing you off

FoostyFandang · 20/03/2017 17:46

Nobody lives like that on benefits, hahaha, do you even kow how much a cruise costs OP?

MrsJayy · 20/03/2017 17:47

Your mum buying her holidays not her being on benefits is what i meant

Emmageddon · 20/03/2017 17:48

I would be a bit pissed off if my parents were subsidising my sister's trips to Disneyland while me and mine had to camp in the rain in the UK.

TheNaze73 · 20/03/2017 17:50

I get your point OP. The problem here though is surely your mum & not the benefits system?

GoingSlowly · 20/03/2017 17:50

Yes, she also has a part-time job and money off her ex. It's not about whether she's on benefits (perhaps I shouldn't have put that in the title). It's about the fact that she has more income and a more lavish lifestyle, but is acting like the poor relation and my parent's constantly bail her out.

I do have compassion - most of our relationship is not in this tiny post about one tiny aspect of our relationship/situation that annoys me.

OP posts:
Alfieisnoisy · 20/03/2017 17:51

Your issue here is not that she seems to be better off on benefits but that she is crap with money. Without her job and the maintainence money she would be much worse off on benefits. Her benefits top up her income....her ex husband/partner also pays for the children. That's good....without those extra factors she would be far worse off.

I am a single parent on benefits at the moment with a disabled child. I get extra benefits because my child is disabled and ...news flash....it doesn't remotely stretch to Disney holidays. Neither does it cover Sky Movies, lots of eating out or any other luxuries. It allows me to feed my child, keep a roof over his head, feed him and to run my old banger of a car.

Your sister is crap with money. YANBU for being irritated with her for playing the poverty card. YABU to think she is much better off than you in benefits...she isn't...it's the extra cash from her ex and her job which is doing that.

Alfieisnoisy · 20/03/2017 17:52

Cross posted with you there OP.

Yes she is being crap with money and it isn't fair on you.

RachelRagged · 20/03/2017 17:52

Do your parents ever bail you out OP ?

Nicpem1982 · 20/03/2017 17:52

Op - you made it sound like your sister was sitting at home coining it in from the government when infact she works and juggles this with being a single parent

Her "benefits and hand outs" are her salary, child maintenance and probably tax credits and she's managing everything on her own.

I'd probably mind my own business

Dreadfulidea · 20/03/2017 17:53

The thing is that it won't last forever. The tax credits and child benefits will be gone in 15 years as will the maintenance. Then what will she have?

EmeraldScorn · 20/03/2017 17:53

Your sister is not financing cruises and Disneyland holidays on benefits, why would you peddle such lies? It's because of people like you that those on benefits are vilified.

Such naivety and stupidity from those who actually believe that people on benefits are living a life of luxury - They are not because anyone claiming what they are legally entitled to (and nothing else on the side) will be living hand to mouth, one payment to the next, it's a fact!

Nothing pisses me off more than ignorance - OP your sister is embellishing her circumstances or you're talking absolute nonsense borne out of envy because you wrongly believe that she is living it up on free money!

PortiaCastis · 20/03/2017 17:53

You need to take the matter up with your parents

GoingSlowly · 20/03/2017 17:53

Yes I know that Alife - wishing I had not put benefits in the title.

SHE DOES NOT PAY FOR DISNEYLAND ON BENEFITS - please read carefully - I said she books these holidays and then my parents pay the balance.

OP posts:
Badders123 · 20/03/2017 17:53

I wouldn't wish a life on benefits on anyone

GoingSlowly · 20/03/2017 17:56

Rachel - My parent's never bail me out. I am careful with money. Always have been. They know that I always cope. They know she is rubbish with money, but feed into that behaviour by bailing her out.

OP posts:
Wizzysmum1 · 20/03/2017 17:56

My sil is on benefits and has paid out for two trips to disneyland for her children and stayed in much better accommodation than us. We had to scrimp to go once in self catering accommodation at Davy Crockett ranch. We both work in moderately paid jobs. My mind boggles!

PortiaCastis · 20/03/2017 17:57

Rubbish

RachelRagged · 20/03/2017 17:58

I can see why you are upset then OP .

Yes that is exactly what they are doing. feeding it .

AwaywiththePixies27 · 20/03/2017 17:59

I'm doing this single parent on benefits thing all wrong.

I'm lucky if I can afford a day out at the end of the week never mind a bloody Disney holiday! Hmm

RachelRagged · 20/03/2017 18:00

Perhaps your sil on benefits got a loan Wizzysmum.

Some peoples priorities are not others, and some always live on the Never Never as we call it . I never have but know people who do.

IamRonnieBiggs · 20/03/2017 18:00

Honestly I know a single parent who is planning to go to disneyworld next year. She works one day a week and lives in a housing association house.
Literally no idea how she is planning this (unless it's loans...)

Beachedwh4le · 20/03/2017 18:00

OP isn't having a go at single mothers or those on benefits...she's upset that her sister is crap with money and gets bailed out all the time. I don't think it's unreasonable to find that annoying, but I'd say focus on your life and try not to get too involved in her finances, let her pay her own way and maybe mention to your parents that she's getting enough money each month to be more than self sufficient.

Many of us can't afford cruises/Disney land, I can understand why it's annoying to see people who are reckless be rewarded