AIBU to be angry at colleagues?

[HappyGoLuckyGirl]

For background, I work in an extremely male dominated industry and I am the only female on the team.

In the office we sit in 'pods' of four. On pod A, there is myself and two male colleagues. On pod B there was two male colleagues, however one has just left the company.

I have just come back from 3 days annual leave to find that the colleague who sat next to me (Colleague 1) has moved all his things onto my desk and Colleague 2 who was sat on pod B is now sat at Colleague 1's desk. My things have been moved to pod B, where Colleague 2 used to sit. So now, I am sat in the middle of the office, on a pod by myself. If I had chosen to move, it wouldn't be a problem but it feels like I have been pushed out of the rest of the team and almost 'relegated' if you will.

I asked them to move my desk back and then left to get a coffee. I came back and Colleague 1 smirked and said I should sit down at my 'new' desk. I gathered my things and came to sit in the spare office, as I felt angry and embarrassed and didn't want to lose my temper.

The head of department came into the spare office and asked me what was up. I explained what had happened and he said he was now in no-win situation. I asked why, when it was quite simple to ask everyone to move back. He then told me they had done it without his permission and he 'wasn't getting involved'.

I then said, well I am now asking you to get involved please, you're the head of department. To which he repsonded that it wasn't my decision, it was his and he wanted me to 'give it a go'. He said it would be a good thing for me and Colleague 1 to sit apart as we have been butting heads slightly lately. I said yes, but because of Colleague 1's behaviour, things like this!

I said if that was his opinion then I accept that but I didn't understand why I was the one being punished. He said I was being daft and he wanted me to give it a go but understood if I wanted to work from the spare office.

I'm extremly annoyed because he told me himself they did it without his permission and I feel that now he is attempting to make out like it is his decision because he doesn't want to reprimand Colleague 1. It is easier to make out like I am being a silly girl over a desk.

This is an open plan office, by the way. So two other departments know about it!

I feel extremely embarrased and upset about it now and I can't think straight, so need you lot to tell me if I am being silly or if I am justified in feeling that this behaviour is unprofessional and disrespectful.

You've been there 10 years and you're still referred to as a "young woman" and have a training contract that is due to run out in 2019??

Most training contracts I am familiar with are 3 years, max about 5.

Can you really not leave? If you can I would do that.

If you can't and you don't want to make a grievance your only option is to modify how you react. I'm not saying it's right but in practical terms focusing on what you can do is better than focusing on what you can't/won't do.

X-posted with you op about the sponsored degree.

Have you tired ACAS? Might be worth giving them a ring and going over everything with them. This could be seen as constructive dismissal and all companies have an equalities clause or should (otherwise they're in major doodoo)

I asked earlier but have you ever sat down and calmly had a discussion with your line manager about what has been happening? Asking people what they think and what they would advise you to do can often be more effective than approaching after each incident when emotions are running high/people are busy.

the company have sponsored my degree, so I would have to pay back almost £10k in fees

That would be negotiable, depending on the circumstances of your departure.

You either live with this bullying for the next two years or go down the formal route.

What would you tell a child about the only way to deal with bullying?

I would make a big thing about how wonderful it was that I now had 4 desks to myself and, "having had time to think about it", thank them for swapping.

Ugh, apologies for the typos.

Noctilucent - we have worked in the same department for 5 years. I guess the only thing that has changed which coincides with his change in behaviour is that I am now not really a trainee. I am very competent for my level (even more so than someone technically more senior than me) and I have asserted my opinion and queries etc. more over the last year. I don't just agree with others as a given anymore, I can think for myself and have challenged colleagues previously.

In saying all of this, I am not perfect. I can become quite loud and animated when we are having jokes etc. which maybe they find annoying. I swear a lot too, although this is something I am working on (small child at home). I'm in no way a perfect colleague but I genuinely feel I am a nice person and I try and get along with everyone. I even play mediator sometimes when Colleague 1's 'banter' towards Colleague 2 (who is a bit spinless) gets too much.

This could be seen as constructive dismissal and all companies have an equalities clause or should (otherwise they're in major doodoo)

There is no legal requirement to have "an equalities clause" or indeed policy. They have an obligation to stay within the law which includes the Equality Act (protects against discrimination) and also Health & Safety which covers workplace wellbeing. Bullying behaviour can be deemed in some circumstances to be a breach of contract.

Proving Constructive Dismissal is very, very difficult. There are tribunal fees, the amounts paid out are capped, the process is long and drawn out, the internal grievance procedures should be exhausted first... and it still doesn't mean you will win.

Besides, we're miles away from that now.

I feel it is an HR matter. It is creating an unhealthy working precedent. Don't like a member of the team...disenfranchise them by isolating and excluding them without any prior consultation. 4 against 1 ain't fair.

I'd ask for an informal catch up with HR, to ask their advice as you believe it will have a negative impact on team-effectiveness and collaboration which you tried to raise with your line manager but unfortunately did not gain traction.

Ask them to guide you in what can be done and what HR can do in terms of the attitudes of your colleagues, as you feel sure that if you were male, they wouldn't dare do it. They are trying it on because you are a woman. That should get HR interested.

I would be angry too. I hate office politics especially where there is a crap manager with no backbone. I would come in the following day early and stick some prawns in a gap by their desk....they will soon move.

I really do wish people would think carefull before suggesting Constructive dismissal.

It's getting a bit like LTB on the Relationships Board

Carefully that should say

stoopido

Who looks after health and safety in your organisation op? I know you said there's no HR department but in your line of work I bet there's someone who looks after Health &a Safety and that includes workplace wellbeing.

You could try that person if having a word with your manager in the way suggested above does not help.

Email your line manager " dear boss, I am now sitting in desk x, my colleague moved my stuff there without permission while I was in annual leave on date xxxx.
I have made you aware of this and you have told me that this was done without your permission. However, you have also told me that you are not going to ask for this to be reversed.
I am now requesting that my desk space is not moved again without consultation and that my possessions are not handled again without permission.
Regards,
Happy"
Keep it factual, non emotional and copy in the HR woman and the union if at all possible.

Sorry I missed your update re no HR.

That's never a good sign IME :-(

If you used to be good friends with colleague 1, would it be worth taking him aside and having a private chat with him? Explain you feel you used to be friends, that if you've done something he was unhappy with, you'd like to know. Tell him that you are unhappy with the current situation because you feel excluded and wonder whether you and he can find a way forward that works for both of you.

I would only do this is I felt I could stay completely calm, on the grounds I wouldn't want to give him any grounds whatsoever to complain about me. But I do wonder whether direct discussion might be better than nothing. I realise it will require you to behave like an adult when they are behaving like children, but if you can't leave and you can't rely on anyone else to help, it might be worth a try?

Does your boss work in the open plan office as well? If not, is his office locked? Try moving irritating colleague's gear into the bosses' space when no one is around. Feign innocence from your isolated pod and sympathise with the boss about how annoying it is. In all honesty, it seems like your boss is slightly afraid of colleague 1.

I work in a male dominated industry and I've seen the most childish behaviour from grown men who are threatened by the presence of competent women.

I am so angry in your behalf. This should not be allowed. Any HofD worth their salt should deal with this. You are now isolated from the team, whilst they have all boys together at another workstation, which will be further isolating for you and reinforce the fact that you are difficult to work with (for darling to lock horns with a man).

Shabby, very shabby.

I can't see a way out of this though. Document everything and email HofD, heading private and confidential, so that it isn't 'shared' throughout the office. Keep it factual as poss. Good luck.

Emailing, making a big fuss or petty acts of revenge will help no-one.

You need to diffuse this situation now by just getting on with it and seeming unbothered. Then approach the ongoing issues calmly with your manager in a planned meeting (coffee or lunch can work well for this sort of thing) asking his advice.

If you want to stay in the game you have to keep playing, even if you don't like the game.

Well if you're getting no help from upstairs I would just move their stuff and keep moving it as necessary until they either get fed up or the manager intervenes. I wouldn't be bullied on this. And record fucking everything!!

I'd be looking for a new job.
You are not tied there until 2019. The company are allowing these men to bully you. They are doing this to wind you up. You are there to work and you could claim constructive dismissal.

Find another role, tell them you are not paying back the 10k because of the bully and if they insist upon it you will take them to tribunal for constructive dismissal.

I've worked in construction and this is not the norm.

I would add to your letter that you "do not believe they would unilaterally move my belongings to a new location during my period of annual leave if I were a male colleague".

They might as well get the clear picture!

It's a tough one this. I would email your line manger and outline the conversation you have had - not go to HR as there would then be a record of the conversation. How you feel it inappropriate that this was done without talking to you or him first. You feels like you have been sidelined because it was done behind your back.

Then go back in and get lots of stuff (not work) to put all over the desk and own it. Pictures/plants/big pile of knob shaped post-it notes. Head high and get on with it. DO not hide in the office.