AIBU to be angry at colleagues?

[HappyGoLuckyGirl]

For background, I work in an extremely male dominated industry and I am the only female on the team.

In the office we sit in 'pods' of four. On pod A, there is myself and two male colleagues. On pod B there was two male colleagues, however one has just left the company.

I have just come back from 3 days annual leave to find that the colleague who sat next to me (Colleague 1) has moved all his things onto my desk and Colleague 2 who was sat on pod B is now sat at Colleague 1's desk. My things have been moved to pod B, where Colleague 2 used to sit. So now, I am sat in the middle of the office, on a pod by myself. If I had chosen to move, it wouldn't be a problem but it feels like I have been pushed out of the rest of the team and almost 'relegated' if you will.

I asked them to move my desk back and then left to get a coffee. I came back and Colleague 1 smirked and said I should sit down at my 'new' desk. I gathered my things and came to sit in the spare office, as I felt angry and embarrassed and didn't want to lose my temper.

The head of department came into the spare office and asked me what was up. I explained what had happened and he said he was now in no-win situation. I asked why, when it was quite simple to ask everyone to move back. He then told me they had done it without his permission and he 'wasn't getting involved'.

I then said, well I am now asking you to get involved please, you're the head of department. To which he repsonded that it wasn't my decision, it was his and he wanted me to 'give it a go'. He said it would be a good thing for me and Colleague 1 to sit apart as we have been butting heads slightly lately. I said yes, but because of Colleague 1's behaviour, things like this!

I said if that was his opinion then I accept that but I didn't understand why I was the one being punished. He said I was being daft and he wanted me to give it a go but understood if I wanted to work from the spare office.

I'm extremly annoyed because he told me himself they did it without his permission and I feel that now he is attempting to make out like it is his decision because he doesn't want to reprimand Colleague 1. It is easier to make out like I am being a silly girl over a desk.

This is an open plan office, by the way. So two other departments know about it!

I feel extremely embarrased and upset about it now and I can't think straight, so need you lot to tell me if I am being silly or if I am justified in feeling that this behaviour is unprofessional and disrespectful.

Hr person here: report to hr with a log of incidents and continue recording them. It is bullying which seems to be disguised as "banter" these days. It is not for you to deal with by yourself. You will not look weak, you will look professional.

I don't know anything about your training, but is there a professional/educational body involved that you could go to for support?

Cancel the cheque! (There is NO effective HR to whom the OP can report.)

Eeek!

HR person here, THANK GOD

Yeah I wouldn't admit to being hurt either. It does make you look emotional and vulnerable.

I agree about the passive aggressive bit. That does weaken your position.

Also an HR person and I stand by previous advice to talk to the manager first in a calm, planned way.

Sorrel, there is no HR. OP is on her own in a hostile workplace.

HoldMe - I would try not to be too passive aggressive or this will also be used against you - Colleague2 has probably gone back to report to the gang that you've still got the hump - humourless wimmin etc etc. That said, I would ask for the key to the office so you can lock your stuff in.

Yes, hurt is definitely the wrong word to use. I'm just surprised that you don't want to try to settle things with them plainly. I was really surprised to read that you had considered some of them friends!

I would always try to lay out, especially individually, that you have been excluded. Get them to explicitly own or disown the actions.

Yeah I got that . Was half reading and feeding child.

I think you could sub in "taken aback" for "hurt".

That is horrible what they've done! And even more so to the head of department who does not have a spine in him!

I don't know what I'll do in your shoes, to be honest. I would've probably come here for opinions as well. Sorry I'm of no help but I do hope it gets sorted for you.

This is bullying,without a doubt

I can remember being in this office about 6 months ago, extremely upset about something similar but for the life of me, I can't remember exactly what happened. They moved my things in here and tried to lock me in, I think.

I don't want to be in the same position again, 6 months down the line not remembering what happened so I agree I need to log it somehow.

The cenus is to email my head of department?

I would like to preface this by saying I am not sure it is a professional idea and I am not a very nice person sometimes.
Your HoD knows these people now have form for going through your desk. He also knows they have some sort of issue with you. I would temporarily loose some important paper work. Blame it on the guys in a fun and jokey way. When they deny it take it to HoD saying a jokes a joke and all that but you really need this whatever it is, so could he please have a word once you know he has spoken to them you can leave it till you have been away from your desk lunch or overnight. Thank the HoD and tell him it's been returned. When they make a big fuss saying well we never took it yada yada say look whats done is done it's back now that's the main thing we can draw a line you are up for a laugh but important work stuff is off limits you're sure it was all a silly mistake etc.
They can continue to cause a stink making themselves look more twatish and guilty. You can be all serene and perhaps mention in passing that it might be in the offices interest if the HoD implements a blanket no touching other peoples desks rule.

Colleague 2 feels guilty and is not the alpha in this scenario (colleague 1 is). He is looking to assuage his guilt by being happy clappy with you. He will not like his attempts to make himself feel better being shot down. Well done for not backing down and being nice to him!

I dunno, I think him "not liking" his attempts being rebuffed is likely to result in more hostility towards OP. Which is the opposite of what's wanted.

He was feeling guilty; now he can wave away his guilt - it was right for them to exclude OP, because she's such a difficult person who makes him feel bad and rejects him.

I think the best way for OP to capitalise on him feeling guilty would be to say plainly that she thought he behaviour was unfair and unprofessional. That way, the guilt is magnified and he is more likely to start behaving like an adult.

The odds are slim, though. They're wankers, it probably wouldn't make any difference.

I would be going up to the person on my desk,and saying could you move pls.i want my desk back.you had no right to touch or move my things

It would be worth giving ACAS a call. They will confirm to you that what you are experiencing is workplace bullying.

Not having a professional HR department may work to your advantage to an extent. They may be far more disconcerted by you talking to ACAS than would a full time HR team.

You can discuss with ACAS how to go about raising a grievance. What wording should be used. I had to contact them when my company wanted me to move office and were trying to claim that a 2 hour commute each way was reasonable.

As you say, you are in a no-win situation. What you could consider is what the best realistic outcome would be for you. I am not sure that long-term the situation is retrievable so for you the best realistic case may be for you to be able to leave without threat of having course fees recovered from you.

Good luck, doing something about this situation will help you feel better.

Do what nousername said..perfect

They tried to lock you in an office??!!

But you can't remember? Wow.

This is why I'm self employed ! I worked in a male dominated industry and it broke me down, and I'm no spesul snowflake

It's the regular blokey banter that breaks you down, the only way of beating it is to go to management and be the consummate professional and don't take part in it at all.

*Your HoD is at best a rubbish drip if a boss and at worst a sexist pig. I'd be finding a box and as soon as the bully steps away from your desk and I put all his stuff in to it put it in the empty desk and tell him that he can sit where he likes but he's not bullying you out of your desk.

Then I'd email boss and tell him the same cc in HR*

Do This!

It merely reinstates the status quo, and has the advantage of informing HR of the cuurent situation. Your colleagues and HoD should be somewhat concerned that the matter has been flagged up with Hr and will look really stupid etc if they continue yo act in the childish but bullying and exclusive way.

I really feel for you, it's an appalling way to treat a colleague. I'd be looking for a transfer within the company or a new job, as I think it's unlikely to get any better.

Look, the management and her team have an image of OP that she is awkward, difficult to get on with, tends to the hysterical.

(This is not a justified opinion - obviously it's because they are sexist twats.)

Playing games like that is not going to work. It is going to backfire and add fuel to the flame that OP is a drama magnet who doesn't get on with people.

Are you the op that got got locked crying in a cupboard and wet yrself...by bastard male colleges...I hope yr not the same person,because I remembered that thread and thought the op was v brave and the men cunts...