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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be angry at colleagues?

930 replies

HappyGoLuckyGirl · 20/03/2017 10:38

For background, I work in an extremely male dominated industry and I am the only female on the team.

In the office we sit in 'pods' of four. On pod A, there is myself and two male colleagues. On pod B there was two male colleagues, however one has just left the company.

I have just come back from 3 days annual leave to find that the colleague who sat next to me (Colleague 1) has moved all his things onto my desk and Colleague 2 who was sat on pod B is now sat at Colleague 1's desk. My things have been moved to pod B, where Colleague 2 used to sit. So now, I am sat in the middle of the office, on a pod by myself. If I had chosen to move, it wouldn't be a problem but it feels like I have been pushed out of the rest of the team and almost 'relegated' if you will.

I asked them to move my desk back and then left to get a coffee. I came back and Colleague 1 smirked and said I should sit down at my 'new' desk. I gathered my things and came to sit in the spare office, as I felt angry and embarrassed and didn't want to lose my temper.

The head of department came into the spare office and asked me what was up. I explained what had happened and he said he was now in no-win situation. I asked why, when it was quite simple to ask everyone to move back. He then told me they had done it without his permission and he 'wasn't getting involved'.

I then said, well I am now asking you to get involved please, you're the head of department. To which he repsonded that it wasn't my decision, it was his and he wanted me to 'give it a go'. He said it would be a good thing for me and Colleague 1 to sit apart as we have been butting heads slightly lately. I said yes, but because of Colleague 1's behaviour, things like this!

I said if that was his opinion then I accept that but I didn't understand why I was the one being punished. He said I was being daft and he wanted me to give it a go but understood if I wanted to work from the spare office.

I'm extremly annoyed because he told me himself they did it without his permission and I feel that now he is attempting to make out like it is his decision because he doesn't want to reprimand Colleague 1. It is easier to make out like I am being a silly girl over a desk.

This is an open plan office, by the way. So two other departments know about it!

I feel extremely embarrased and upset about it now and I can't think straight, so need you lot to tell me if I am being silly or if I am justified in feeling that this behaviour is unprofessional and disrespectful.

OP posts:
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venusinscorpio · 24/03/2017 13:04

Yes, echo that you must now sit down and write up conversation and then email it to HoD. He will know you mean business.

elmo1990 · 24/03/2017 13:12

Good on you happy, it sounds like you summarised very clearly. Definitely put it in writing so that there is a record of the conversation

expatinscotland · 24/03/2017 13:17

Good for you, happy.

Haffdonga · 24/03/2017 13:25

Yes immediately write this down (use your post here) as a memory jog. Send to HoD as a record.

Stormtreader · 24/03/2017 13:34

Wow, this is absolutely appalling.

Seems like your HoDs utter apathy towards actually doing any management has left a gap that C1 has firmly stepped into. Why are people complaining to HIM about your alleged noise?

TwoDrifters · 24/03/2017 13:47

So does C1 remain firmly planted in your desk? He's won hasn't he. So angry on your behalf Angry

TwoDrifters · 24/03/2017 13:48

*at your desk, perhaps that should say (though we'd all love him in your desk, preferably locked and the key conveniently lost).

HappyGoLuckyGirl · 24/03/2017 13:53

I'm just composing the summary email now.

And no Two he is being moved also. I made it clear that all parties needed to have new desks, as to ensure that there were no residual feelings of any person "having got their own way".

OP posts:
Roomster101 · 24/03/2017 13:55

The HoD is very weak as a manager. C1 undermined him by taking it upon himself to reorganise the desks in the first place, and his excuse for doing it undermined him further. The fact that your HoD seems okay with that and is incapable of resolving your dissatisfaction about the situation is unbelievable.

Dulcimena · 24/03/2017 13:57

Happy The way that you're dealing with this suggests that you have far more management ability than the rest of your team (inc HoD) put together. You're doing brilliantly.

boo2410 · 24/03/2017 14:20

Well done Happy, glad you're summarising everything in an email to HoD. Just out of interest how did he get that job? Surely you should have to show some leadership skills? He's about as much use as an ashtray on a motorbike. Maybe you should have his job, you've got more sense than the rest of them put together.

TeachingPostQuery · 24/03/2017 14:25

God I could slap your HoD. I've no useful advice other than keep a written dialogue as well as a verbal one. If he'd just made C1 move everything back as soon as he noticed it, none of this would be happening.

annielouise · 24/03/2017 14:42

Bloody hell, he's useless! As said, you've far better managing skills. You've had to "manage" yourself. Ridiculous situation. HoD will tell you off but doesn't have the balls to handle C1!

AuntMabel · 24/03/2017 14:51

What a bollockless pillock your HoD (Head on Desk right about now I should think) is. Hmm

Well done for not backing down. Absolutely pathetic behaviour all around from them. I used to work in construction and saw none of this. It's not the industry at fault, it's some of the people working IN the industry.

Arkengarthdale · 24/03/2017 14:58

Please please please do send the summary email you are composing. It's easy to let it slide but please keep going.

You sound terrific

IHeartDodo · 24/03/2017 15:24

De-lurking as I've been reading this for a while!
Your HoD is sounding increasingly pathetic, and has really made a mountain out of a molehill. I'm stunned that all he had to do was notice that C1 had moved to your desk while you were away, and tell him to stop being childish and move back, yet he didn't and now here you are!!
Hang on in there, and stay as calm and professional as you have been!

annielouise · 24/03/2017 15:33

Yes, you must do a summing up email and I would say if HoD had been proactive this situation would not have lasted a week. Hopefully managers further up will also be reading it.

AyeAmarok · 24/03/2017 15:38

Well done keeping a cool head OP. This is awful. Your HoD is so wet. Or, does C1 have something on him? I cannot understand why HoD is so reluctant to manage him.

Other thing I thought was that C1 seems to be determined to have 'what you have'. Your mug, he wants it. Your seat, he wants it. You take the office, then he wants that too.

Stormtreader · 24/03/2017 15:55

I have had two managers where they became managers purely because they had been doing the job the longest, they had very little management skills and were happy to take the payrise but ducked any kind of actual management work with impressive dedication. We basically had to go over their head if we really actually needed something doing or sorting.

Mustang27 · 24/03/2017 16:14

I thought you had lost it when you said "god" it made me lol.

I can not believe this has been handled so badly. Glad you composed an email noting today's conversation because I really do feel this would continue going round in circles for you.

I think now the desks have been moved c1 will barely say a word to you for the foreseeable future and I wouldn't hold your breath from an apology, I'm Imagining c2 has text the smarmy fucker all ready so he will know the desks have been moved which sucks as I'd have suggested you come in early to watch his rat face trip him.

AgathaMystery · 24/03/2017 16:23

God I feel sick for you. I've been where you are & you are being very very brave xxx

floraeasy · 24/03/2017 16:25

I have had two managers where they became managers purely because they had been doing the job the longest, they had very little management skills and were happy to take the payrise but ducked any kind of actual management work with impressive dedication

Sounds familiar!

Makes me so mad Angry

HappyGoLuckyGirl · 24/03/2017 16:42

Thank you all for your support. I don't think I would have got this far without you all telling me I wasn't being unreasonable.

I sent the email which HoD didn't amend, he just said thanks for the email. He mentioned that I didn't want to have another chat with C1 from the sounds of my email. I said I was willing to listen to what C1 had to say but that as per email, I would like him present at any future meetings, just as a witness.

C1 can do what he likes from now on, I'm just going to disengage. He has made it perfectly clear that I am not his equal, he feels he is superior to me and he expects me to put up and shut up. I hope he has realised that isn't going to happen and I really hope HoD tells him that any future incidents will be very bad for him.

OP posts:
floraeasy · 24/03/2017 16:49

You've handled this with grace and style, OP!

They don't deserve you as an employee, they really don't.

TipTop333 · 24/03/2017 17:33

You really have handled this brilliantly.

I hope you manage to have a good weekend away from it all.