AIBU to be angry at colleagues?

[HappyGoLuckyGirl]

For background, I work in an extremely male dominated industry and I am the only female on the team.

In the office we sit in 'pods' of four. On pod A, there is myself and two male colleagues. On pod B there was two male colleagues, however one has just left the company.

I have just come back from 3 days annual leave to find that the colleague who sat next to me (Colleague 1) has moved all his things onto my desk and Colleague 2 who was sat on pod B is now sat at Colleague 1's desk. My things have been moved to pod B, where Colleague 2 used to sit. So now, I am sat in the middle of the office, on a pod by myself. If I had chosen to move, it wouldn't be a problem but it feels like I have been pushed out of the rest of the team and almost 'relegated' if you will.

I asked them to move my desk back and then left to get a coffee. I came back and Colleague 1 smirked and said I should sit down at my 'new' desk. I gathered my things and came to sit in the spare office, as I felt angry and embarrassed and didn't want to lose my temper.

The head of department came into the spare office and asked me what was up. I explained what had happened and he said he was now in no-win situation. I asked why, when it was quite simple to ask everyone to move back. He then told me they had done it without his permission and he 'wasn't getting involved'.

I then said, well I am now asking you to get involved please, you're the head of department. To which he repsonded that it wasn't my decision, it was his and he wanted me to 'give it a go'. He said it would be a good thing for me and Colleague 1 to sit apart as we have been butting heads slightly lately. I said yes, but because of Colleague 1's behaviour, things like this!

I said if that was his opinion then I accept that but I didn't understand why I was the one being punished. He said I was being daft and he wanted me to give it a go but understood if I wanted to work from the spare office.

I'm extremly annoyed because he told me himself they did it without his permission and I feel that now he is attempting to make out like it is his decision because he doesn't want to reprimand Colleague 1. It is easier to make out like I am being a silly girl over a desk.

This is an open plan office, by the way. So two other departments know about it!

I feel extremely embarrased and upset about it now and I can't think straight, so need you lot to tell me if I am being silly or if I am justified in feeling that this behaviour is unprofessional and disrespectful.

Oh Happy. How shit.

To paraphrase what they say on the MIL threads - you don't have a colleague problem so much as you have a manager problem!

He has no right to be given the title and pay of a manager when he is patently not managing.

This type of thing happened to me. Supervisor did not want to supervise and the colleagues in question were making a fool of her. She just wanted a quiet life.

Luckily, I was in a situation where I simply gave notice and left. They contacted me after to do some work for them and I didn't even return their call.

I hope you find a way out soon, OP! This is seriously shitty.

What are you going to do?

I have literally no idea. God hasn't even approached me to discuss after Wednesday's meeting or to inform me the outcome of any chat he has had with C1 whilst I wasn't in the office.

Wtf. Is he hoping I just don't mention it again?

HAHA definitely not God. HoD.

He sounds like an incredibly weak manager. I think that you need to make the first move and speak to him about what is happening and then make your decision on what to do next.

De lurking because this is so crap for you.

Although Cock1 is clearly sub-human scum, it's clear that your problem is the HOD as he's the one not dealing with the situation. Looks to me like he definitely wants you to keep quite, not mention it, be a good little girl. Seems he'd like the quiet life and will continue to stick his head in the sand, while C1, the alpha male bully/petulant teenager, walks all over everyone, HOD included.

You've been given some really good advice on here on how to deal with him, and I'd seriously consider asking to be moved to another team if that's possible.

for you OP, this is such a horrible situation for you to be in. It must be exhausting. I hope you manage to get some sort of resolve today.

ps have you contacted HR?
pps I know there isn't an HR dept because I've RTFT

What a crap manager!

I think in your situation I'd go and ask HoD if anything has happened and if there are any plans for anything to happen. If/when he says no, go and sit in the spare office - NOT the new desk. That way you don't comply with C1, but do get on with your work and don't overtly cause a fuss.

How bloody horrible! Hope it all works out OP. Colleague 1 sounds like a 10 year old.

Still watching this with increasing

Could the boss just be waiting until you are all back in office before he says: "right, this is what's happening guys - all move and let's have a nice weekend."

Clutching at straws a bit!

Oh no. That's shit.

I think in your situation I'd go and ask HoD if anything has happened and if there are any plans for anything to happen.

This.

In the interests of creating a paper trail, I'd email HoD and ask for an update, re the meeting with you and Cock and in light of the fact that you were not in the office yesterday.

Don't go, email, you want the paper trail

Email asking for an update due to C1's allegations you would like evidence of what you are accused of and how C1's actions fit into company policy.

Actually yes, email would be better. You need to keep chasing, but politely and professionally (as of course you would anyway)!!

My HoD used to be just like this. Weak and useless at leading. He would just not bring up the situation and hope it would go away. If I brought it up again her almost be like "Oh I thought we'd sorted that out with our chat". Errrrr, no.

What a time you've had of it OP.
EweAreHere and ThreeFish are right. I know you are up to your eyes in it but would say no time like the present to see what's what regarding uni fees and salary reductions.

Poo flinging chimp - brilliant. Unfortunately characters like this often get mystifyingly promoted sideways or upwards just to cleanse the department and leave carnage in their wake.

Right.

Went in and asked why nothing had changed etc. HoD said he was waiting for me to decide what to do!!

I basically aired my views on how should have nipped this in the bud when they first did it when I was away and he admitted that perhaps he needs to become a bit more authoritarian.

He said he chatted with C1 yesterday and C1 would like to talk to me again for an opportunity to resolve the issue.

I said no, absolutely not. I said not only had he been bullying me, he then lied and tried to blame me for his actions and I would not participate in any further chats with C1.

HoD said C1 didn't lie and he didn't like the word "lie". So now the phrase is "used my name in isolation when he shouldn't have". Fucking political office bullshit.

Then we started going round in circles with me saying that I wasn't being unreasonable and that is was deeply concerning that C1 had now "used my name in isolation when he shouldn't have" to get out of owning up to his crappy behaviour.

The conversation got quite fraught at one point and almost ended badly, as he was starting to back peddle and say "your name and other names have come up in conversation" I mentioned how that was not what he said the other day, etc.

I got the distinct impression he had had enough with the whole thing and that I was beginning to irritate him by agreeing to resolve it.

I said that I had acted more than reasonably by 1) not causing a scene when it first happened and removing myself from the situation 2) going to HoD for advice 3) approaching C1 for an informal chat to resolve the issue 4) having another informal chat to try and resolve the issue with HoD present. C1 is the one who continued with his behaviour even when I made it clear it wasn't appreciated and that I wanted it to stop. C1 also then lied to justify his actions and attempted to place the blame at my feet, then stormed out of the meeting. I was the one who was the aggrieved party and yet I was the one doing the bloody groveling and I wouldn't be doing it again.

I had had enough by this point and being made to feel like I was being unreasonable by not engaging in another 'chat' with C1.

I told HoD that I would like all team members to be moved, by him. I said that I would not be making any demands as to who sat where but I did not want to be seated next to C1.

I then further said that I would listen to what C1 has to say, if he wants to make amends with me but that I would not be entering into another discussion or making my feelings clear to C1 again as I already had. If he wanted to apologise, I would merely listen. I also stated that if C1 attempted to further blame me for the events of the past few days that I would disengage from the conversation and leave the room.

I made it clear to HoD that C1's behaviour over the past few months was bullying and now that it was out in the open and all parties were informed of my position and view on the matter that I expected it to come to a complete stop.

I left the meeting on the note that if this behaviour continued to any degree, I would not be willing to enter into any informal resolutions and that I would not be held responsible for the fall out.

Me and C2 are now sat on pod 2. I have chosen the desk furthest away from C1, so not the seat he decided to put me in.

Happy please, make sure all future communication is via email so you have a paper trail.

www.linkedin.com/pulse/why-bosses-siding-office-bully-vanessa-edmonds

Why Bosses are Siding with Office Bullies

^ interesting article.

Ok - you need to summarise that conversation and send it to him as a dispassionate record of what was said. Ask him to amend any sections which he feels are inaccurate.

If management are indeed reading your emails (to which ) then it will be a useful summary/assessment of truthfulness.

Your management are completely spineless, aren't they? Dust off your CV and prepare to make a move.

Well done Happy on keeping your composure.

Agree with CatThief that you should have all communications in writing.

Do what LaContessa suggest too - pop a summary of that discussion into an email to HoD (and blind cc your own personal email account) saying that this is a summary of the conversation held on X date and what was discussed. If any updates/amendments are needed, to let you know.

Keep going - you're doing great!

Good for you, OP. But I agree with this: make sure all future communication is via email so you have a paper trail. and write a summary of today's conversation too. Leave in the word 'lie'; so what if HoD doesn't like it? He'll just have to deal with it.