To be pissed off with people expecting you to do your job in your spare time for them. (For free!)

[user1484750550]

Not so much an AIBU, as I don't think I AM being unreasonable. Just wanted peoples views/opinions/advice etc...

Have people ever had this happen before? People expecting you to do your job in your own time, for free? And how did you deal with it?

Or are you actually experiencing something like this at the moment?

It has happened to my DH, my brother, my friend's husband, and now to me. I don't want to say too much, as it may identify me, but I have recently started a new job (say for example a hairdresser,) and I have had a couple of people asking me to do their hair for them (in my own time for free!)

DH is a mechanic and has been asked by 3 or 4 people in the past 3 months ALONE, to 'come and have a quick look at their car,' and deal with the problem they have, for free obviously.

My brother who is a carpenter, gets badgered too, to do random carpentry jobs for people, (for free!) and he's thinking of saying to the 5 or 6 people who keep asking him to do things for him, that his employer no longer allows it and he will get the sack if he is caught.

My friend's husband is a gardener, and keeps being asked (by extended family and neighbours) to come and do this and that for them in their gardens, and is never offered anything for it.

So has anyone else experienced this, and how did you deal with it? How did you deal with people expecting you to do your actual job for free for them in your spare time?

(The jobs I have said we all have are examples btw...)

YES! I have this a lot. The excuses range from 'it'll give you great exposure' to 'it's good for experience'. Both of which I don't need.
I like to turn it around on them, for example if a cafe owner wants my work for free I will say that's fine as long as they can come and do catering for my family and I'll tell a couple of people about it.
Doesn't really work does it.
I think it's quite common. People just don't think. It's even worse when it's something you've spent years mastering.

Ha yes - some great stories ! I am a vet nurse and I spend a lot of my spare time answering texts and messages from friends and acquaintances regarding anything from a stray seagull to worming regimes . I don't mind to a point especially if it's a welfare issue but what I don't understand is that quite often I will advise them to take their pet to get them checked by a vet and they disregard my professional opinion completely. It drives me a bit potty tbh. My friend is a very well-travelled vet and she NEVER tells people she is a vet until she knows them very well. She tells them she is a travel agent as she can convincingly blag that - and it saves her getting asked about someone's itchy dog when we are out for cocktails ...!

I'm an accountant and feel your pain. I get friends and family asking for freebie advice all the time. Trouble is that there are usually no quick answers. Tax is complicated. There are no "yes/no" answers - everything is grey area, so to give an answer, you need a lot of background information. So a quick "can I claim x" or where do I post "y" to in the book-keeping, takes half an hour.

Don't get me started on charities, clubs and societies who contact you out of the blue wanting their accounts "audited" as a freebie. If I took on all of these "simple/quick" jobs, I'd never have time to do my real fee-earning work. Just because they're giving their time free, doesn't mean everyone else has to! In fact, I am on various committees etc and do give my time, but it has to be limited and I only do it for groups that I actually want to be involved with.

You really have to grow a back bone and learn to say no.

Fellow solicitor, my problem isn't from people asking me to do things for free for them, its my Dad volunteering me to help people for free with incredibly complicated issues.

Ooooh I can relate to this (slightly.) One time when we lived next door to a woman who had a son slightly older than our daughter, the woman had an issue with her part time working hours, as they decided they would change them.. (She worked from 9am til 1.30pm, and they wanted to change it to 8.30am til 1pm. As her son's class started at 8.45am, this made it impossible for her to drop him off and get to work on time.

My daughter started school at 9.15am at the time, and my husband said to the woman 'Our kids go to the same school, so Lynn will take him ... Just drop him off at 8.15 or so, and pop off to work!!!' (I worked 1pm til 7pm four days a week, so would take our daughter to school for 9.15am, and DH worked nights at the time and picked up our daughter at 3pm.)

She said 'oh thanks!'

When we got in the house, I said 'what the fuck did you say THAT for?! You didn't even sodding well asking me first or anything!' And the fact was, our daughter started 30 minutes after the boy as she was in reception and he was in year 1. So I would have had to go to the school for 8.45am, (to drop the boy off,) then wait half hour for my daughter's class to start. When I told DH this, he said 'well you're not doing anything else are you?'

I could have fucking murdered him.

The next day I saw the lady on the drive and she said, 'it's Ok Lynn, I don't expect you to take Josh to school every day - especially as your daughter starts half an hour later. I will sort it.' Thank FUCK! At least SHE had a bit of common sense and thoughtfulness. (In the end she moaned enough at work, and kept her hours as they were!) But I can't even put into words how angry I was with my husband 'volunteering' me to look after her son from 8.15am every day and take him to school, when his class started a full half hour before our daughter's class.

I'm a writer and editor, and get this a lot - people asking me to proofread stuff, or write applications for them, etc. I usually do it because I enjoy it, but I have no issues saying no for whatever reason.

I've also stopped helping one particular friend. Over the years I must have helped her with dozens of applications, CVs, and university assignments, but she won't read one novel for me, even though she's a big reader.

I'm a blogger and one of the biggest bugbears is when big companies get in touch and say "we haven't got a budget for this campaign but you can use these hi-res images for free!" like it's the biggest favour in the world. Like, fuck off, you're a massive multi-national company and you can't even send out a product sample so that I can make sure I'm not compromising my reputation by praising a pile of shite, because you "haven't got the budget".

Oh, and "exposure". Funnily enough my landlord, utility companies and local supermarkets won't allow me to pay in exposure.

A close relative is in the Police. He once had a neighbour, someone whose name he didnt even know, banging on his front door, asking him to sort out a domestic between the neighbour's family!

I'm reminded that when I did some copy/ghosting for a friend she absolutely insisted on paying for it. I cba with a tax return so asked her to give it to charity instead.

She's equally insistent on being paid for work. She knows how the world works!

Agree absolutely, DH was in demand by relatives, he supplied "stuff" at cost price (often wasnt even paid back for this) his expertise for free, AND did a 100 mile round trip (not even offered petrol money) I felt it wasnt my place to say anything, they were HIS relatives, but one day, thankfully, some years down the line, he "saw the light" and said, you want this you come to me, then they didnt turn up, after we had waited in for them, so he stopped completely.

I'm a childminder and get this all the time. I work 60-70 hours a week, but I don't have my own children so I really cherish my child free time. The amount of times friends of mine ask me to look after their children on my day off. One friend asks all the time and will say 'I'll pay you' as though she is doing me a favour and then gives me a tenner for a full day as a thank you.
I have started to say no, but have fallen into the trap a few times where she asks if I'm free before she tells me why she's asking (e.g. Because she wants childcare)

I used to work as a cashier in a bank, and lot count of the number of people who would ask whether I had any free samples!

I've belonged to various local groups and societies over the years (drama group, parents and toddlers etc). Whenever the current treasurer resigns I'm invariably asked to do it. Yeah right - I spend all day at work grappling with spreadsheets, ledgers, VAT regulations and bank statements, and I'd love to do it in my free time as well. Not.

Not quite the same, but I'm a teacher and on more than one occasion have been accosted by a parent in a random place (out of school) to discuss their precious snowflake. The most memorable was when, one Saturday evening, a dad had a go at me in Tesco about setting too much homework just as I was deciding which tampons to buy. The worst of it was, he assumed I knew who he and his son were. To this day, I don't.

Dopes anyone else have the opposite problem: sometimes I really want to 'employ' a friend simply because I trust them and know they are experts in their field, but I am fully prepared to pay full rates and would be embarrassed not to. They, on the other hand, wont accept this any form of payment.

DP and I may need a solicitor soon and his friend's DW is an expert in the specific area of law we need help with. We'd love to use her, but probably won't as we know (from experience) she will refuse payment and that will make us both feel awkward!

** His son wasnt with him at the time
* Does

I have a close friend who is a Dr. She goes with 'oooh that sounds nasty, I'd get that looked at if I were you'

But I can't even put into words how angry I was with my husband 'volunteering' me to look after her son from 8.15am every day and take him to school, when his class started a full half hour before our daughter's class.

I think I would have killed him! There's nothing more frustrating than a family member giving away your time because they know just how busy you are! My Dad has a history of volunteering other peoples time, especially my Mums. She had to stop making wine and jam because he would give it away as soon as she made it.

I was livid miri. I said to him 'you can go and tell her that you screwed up and shouldn't have volunteered for me to take her boy to school! Just coz she can't take him now, with her hours changing, that doesn't mean I have to!' He refused and seems quite irked that I was annoyed, with this 'well you aren't doing anything else are you?' attitude!

The fact was that our daughter started school at 9.15am, and me and her didn't have to get up til 8am. (He was in bed btw after being on nights...) So me and DD would get up at 8am, she would have a quick shower, then I would, then we would have a leisurely brekkie together, then she would watch telly whilst I did her packed lunch. Then she'd get dressed, and so would I, then we'd watch tv for a bit, then take a slow walk to her school (8-10 mins walk.) and arrive at about 9.10am-ish.

If this lady next door had brought her boy around at 8.10am every day, me and DD would have had to get up an hour earlier (probably,) so we could get showered and ready and have brekkie for when he came. THEN we would have to start out at just after half eight, drop the boy off at 8.40am-ish, then hang around for half hour til DD's class started!

When I said this to DH, he said, 'well go for a walk or something, for the half hour, get some exercise and fresh air!' Cheeky twat. He really couldn't see there was a problem and he was WRONG.

I mean, I worked from 1pm til 7pm four days a week too, and I swear that he believed I sat on my arse from 9.30am til 12.45pm when I went to work! Obviously the fairies did the washing, shopping, cleaning, ironing, etc etc etc! Grrrrrrrrrrr.

He's not so bad now actually. This was some 15-17+ years back.

rufus contact them directly via their work email if possible and ask for their fees upfront. It sets the tone.

I am a solicitor. It's in my employment contract that I can't do freebies without permission from my bosses. I actually hate doing work for family and friends - they feel they can contact me whenever and, if they don't like my advice/ they don't end up with what they want, it can sour the relationship.

Thanks Fleur. An obvious solution which I'd not considered!

Yes! I am a professional photographer, I did some freebies when I first started out but I no longer do anything for free. I do offer 20% discount to family & friends though. I have a family to feed and if I'm doing a job for free it's taking me away from a potential paid job! It irks me that people expect it for free!

My dentist once showed me a pile of patient papers he kept separately from the main patients as they were friends and family that had freebies. He is a lovely bloke who says it's not unusual to go in on a Sunday to do a mates filling.

Rufus I've had a similar problem. One particular friend was very bad for it - we really needed a babysitter and he was keen but wouldn't take payment so I had to find someone else because I didn't feel comfortable using his time. He also did a major gardening job for free. It was kind of him but awkward.

I employ contactors in my business and two of my current ones are fantastic. They have gone above and beyond and I've told them to invoice for any extra time but I suspect they won't. It bothers me because I feel like it's not a fair situation.

I used to be married to a cabinet maker. We had one particular friend who was always decorating and would ask him to come and hang her doors and used to say "it would cost me X amount to get someone proper from the Yellow Pages" and would give him half what a "proper" person would charge.

We are now divorced and she is no longer my friend

'I have started to say no, but have fallen into the trap a few times where she asks if I'm free before she tells me why she's asking (e.g. Because she wants childcare)'

Dog, this is not a friend. When she does this, you still say, 'No. I don't want to use my free time to childmind.' 'But I'll pay you.' 'No, I don't want to use my free time to childmind.' 'But I don't have anyone else.' And this is where you refer her to other friends of yours who childmind or tell her, 'That's a pity, but you need to make other arrangements. I don't want to use my free time to childmind.'

I work in PR. My former boss was at a leaving do and introduced me to the landlady who was looking for free PR. I ended up doing it and didn't get a free beer!

My friend's friend was opening a cake shop. Got her some nice publicity. Do you think I got any free cake?

I don't offer a tangible service yet my time and expertise equates to giving away money or product. Now I only do this for my children's school (PTA when asked) or charity through my own choice.