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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off with people expecting you to do your job in your spare time for them. (For free!)

328 replies

user1484750550 · 19/03/2017 13:27

Not so much an AIBU, as I don't think I AM being unreasonable. Just wanted peoples views/opinions/advice etc...

Have people ever had this happen before? People expecting you to do your job in your own time, for free? And how did you deal with it?

Or are you actually experiencing something like this at the moment?

It has happened to my DH, my brother, my friend's husband, and now to me. I don't want to say too much, as it may identify me, but I have recently started a new job (say for example a hairdresser,) and I have had a couple of people asking me to do their hair for them (in my own time for free!)

DH is a mechanic and has been asked by 3 or 4 people in the past 3 months ALONE, to 'come and have a quick look at their car,' and deal with the problem they have, for free obviously.

My brother who is a carpenter, gets badgered too, to do random carpentry jobs for people, (for free!) and he's thinking of saying to the 5 or 6 people who keep asking him to do things for him, that his employer no longer allows it and he will get the sack if he is caught.

My friend's husband is a gardener, and keeps being asked (by extended family and neighbours) to come and do this and that for them in their gardens, and is never offered anything for it.

So has anyone else experienced this, and how did you deal with it? How did you deal with people expecting you to do your actual job for free for them in your spare time?

(The jobs I have said we all have are examples btw...)

OP posts:
Mustang27 · 20/03/2017 19:51

I'd always ask a friend as I'd trust them to do a good job but to expect it for free, that's a disgrace!!!

mimishimmi · 20/03/2017 19:55

Yes, I am a hair stylist and makeup artist. I often get requests to do things for free and sometimes spend hours of my time on their filmshoots for nada. I actually don't mind doing things for free when it's a good model/photographer and I get great shots back from it that I can use in my portfolio. If it's just some unproven filmmaker, asking for a kit fee usually sorts out the users from those who are serious.

RaspberryOverloadsOnChilli · 20/03/2017 19:58

I do a few craft hobbies, and often get people asking if I can make X, Y or Z. Clearly for free, since they have never made any attempt to even offer a token payment. I say no, very well. I'll only do stuff for immediate family and only if I want to.

DPotter · 20/03/2017 19:59

Just been asked to sign up for a school fete - stall fee + 'item for raffle' Grrrrrrrr

ThreeLeggedHaggis · 20/03/2017 20:01

Dopes anyone else have the opposite problem: sometimes I really want to 'employ' a friend simply because I trust them and know they are experts in their field, but I am fully prepared to pay full rates and would be embarrassed not to. They, on the other hand, wont accept this any form of payment.

Yep! I have a friend who's a mechanic. I took my car to him because I knew he wouldn't rip me off, but didn't want 'mates rates'. He insisted. And because he was only charging for parts, no labour, he put me to the back of the queue so I was sitting in his waiting room for 6 hours waiting for simple repairs. I tried to explain to him that I wanted to pay the right price but he wouldn't have it, so I never went to him again. Shame, because I always worry I'm being ripped off Sad

frumpet · 20/03/2017 20:03

One occasion where I asked a GP something , her child went to pre-school with my child , after MMR , mine came out in full head to toe measles rash , never occured with my other two childen , so while waiting to go in asked them if they had ever seen it happen before and they said No , we both looked at DS and kind of shrugged in a Nurse/Doctor 'nothing has dropped off ' type of way Grin

StarUtopia · 20/03/2017 20:23

Happens a lot. I'm a maths tutor (ex teacher). Now that the pressure is on for SATS etc, 'Can you just do a quick hour with my son/daughter and let me know if they need any extra help?'

I can but it will cost you £30 the same as everyone else!

Worse, I get asked all the time, what do you think about xyx, teacher said this, teacher said that, what should I say to the Head, how can I deal with this issue etc etc.

Best thing though - I'm now tutoring my hairdresser's child, so last week she cut my children's hair whilst I was teaching. Win win!

Jessikita · 20/03/2017 20:29

I'm the same as Milliemoodle "I'm buying a new house so can you donthe conveyancing for me.... so and so company wants loads just to send a few letters!"

I just explain the firm I work for does not allow me to do stuff on the side but if they go through the firm I'll mention to the conveyancer that they're a friend.

They then start ringing around for a cheap quote and sometimes get the arse!

ivykaty44 · 20/03/2017 20:32

Tell them the price up front and make no apology for it. Then ask when they want to be squeezed in the diary as you are busy but have a gap in a month's time.

Often they say

Oh I'll get back to you - but never do

Those that do book in, pay willingly

SouthPole · 20/03/2017 20:35

I'm a solicitor, and it happens all the fucking time.

My worse cases are those I've taken on for friends, for free, natch.

After getting properly burned a year or so ago I have vowed never to take on friend work again and my husband keeps me on the straight and narrow!!

madamginger · 20/03/2017 20:44

I'm a pharmacist, I get asked stuff all the time and sometimes it's hard to say no. At least once a week I get asked something by a parent in the playground.
I also knit and crochet and I always say no if someone asks me to make something. I knit for pleasure only.

70ontheinside · 20/03/2017 20:58

I changed workplaces recently. I met an ex colleague at a party and she had brought some work for me, the kind of thing I would have done when we were still working together.
I was so baffled by her request that I just said sorry, I have a full time job, why don't you ask my replacement at work?!?

To her credit she apologised profusely and realised just how cheeky her request was.

meddie · 20/03/2017 21:06

I,m a nurse. The people telling me about their medical problems started 2 weeks into my training when we had just about learned how to make a bed. I tell people that "sorry I cant discuss it with you. I,m off duty, its not allowed" which confuses them but shuts them up,

OCSockOrphanage · 20/03/2017 21:11

On a dreadful afternoon, years ago, I ran to my NDN saying please look at my husband as I knew she was a GP. They had moved in a few months before, but we didn't know them. She came over, and told me to call the ambulance, and looked after my small child, then 7 until I could contact someone else. Thanks to her, my OH is still with us, and they are now very dear friends. I am forever grateful that she was so kind.

kazmina10 · 20/03/2017 21:12

My OH is a good financial advisor. The number of people, vague acquaintances who come up to us when at parties or in the supermarket to ask advice about their pension is unbelievable- he just says "make an appointment here's my number".. most of the acquaintances have turned out to be ungrateful timewasters... never a thank you.

DebiNewberry · 20/03/2017 21:20

Apologies if it's been done but this thread reminded me of mr bingo...

To be pissed off with people expecting you to do your job in your spare time for them. (For free!)
gillybeanz · 20/03/2017 21:23

My husband is a musician, not only do people we know expect him to work for free but provide other musicians to work for free. Shock
If this isn't enough people will actually go out and do his job for free for the kicks.
Or they will go out for less money Sad

Hassled · 20/03/2017 21:25

My FIL was an electrician, and got so many requests for odd (unpaid) jobs that MIL said at one stage it felt like he was responsible for the working order of every bit of electrical equipment in the whole estate - I gather he had a bit of a hissy fit and just refused to help out eventually.

Conversely I have a lovely hairdresser friend who would insist I pay her mates' rates, despite me just wanting to pay full whack because I knew it would end up with me sitting round waiting for her to finish making a fish pie or do her ironing and being unable to say "actually I'm in a bit of a hurry" because she was charging mates' rates. I just stopped going and our friendship died a death, which is a shame - if I could just have paid her the going rate and not had to watch her make a fish pie before a hair cut it would still be going strong.

Glamorousglitter · 20/03/2017 21:28

Yes. Physio here. Regularly get asked to take a look at people's feet / neck/ back / body parts - or give an opinion on how someone's own or their relatives particular case was managed .... most of the time people don't want to hear the 'I don't have a magic wand you need to work and strengthen yourself up ' line either .... they just want a quick fix or free rub. I ve stopped giving any opinions now. I ve learned that if I don't value my time then people won't value my time or advice either. I ve gone out of my way in the past for people without barely a thank you. (I don't expect renumeration but a thank you text or call I do expect, because I woulddo that myself if someone helped me.

merryxmas9 · 20/03/2017 21:29

Baker and a tutor and after being taken advantage of on freebies for friends, relatives, neighbors and ex colleagues/class mates. I get bitched something chronic even when we offer massive deals leaving us out of pocket! Now its going to be full price or nothing- they will bitch either way and I can't afford freebies

GinAndTalented · 20/03/2017 21:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoffinMum · 20/03/2017 21:34

I had one a fortnight ago. We were mugs and drove a kid to school (a friend of my DS's) every single Saturday morning for two years and his parents barely took a turn, there were always excuses, but basically they just couldn't be arsed. After he left the school we got a bottle of cheap plonk and some supermarket chocolates from them in return for all the driving, with a cursory thank you.

Then the kid rocks up having decided to be a pop star and asks me to teach him singing, the implication being it would be for free. I used to teach singing pretty seriously but don't any more, but when I did it was £100 for a consultation lesson and £40 per hour for lessons, as I am very qualified and experienced. I just said I wasn't taking pupils right now as I was so busy. He was a bit taken aback. Perhaps I should have taken him on and invoiced the parents Wink

I also get very popular with people when their kids need to get into Oxford or Cambridge. Flavour of the month I am then. Then they disappear ...

Dahlietta · 20/03/2017 21:34

You MUST email him again and tell him how to say "thank you" in Latin!

Haha, that's exactly what I should have done, but it was several years ago now!

HumphreyCobblers · 20/03/2017 21:38

My husband is a musician, not only do people we know expect him to work for free but provide other musicians to work for free. shock
If this isn't enough people will actually go out and do his job for free for the kicks.
Or they will go out for less money sad

God this is so true! People also say to bring your fiddle to my party. He wants to get drunk at your party, not do work ffs.

lazarusb · 20/03/2017 21:43

I used to run a cake and dessert business. I closed it 6 years to attend University (in a different area). I still get asked to make and decorate elaborate cakes and told that they'll 'cover the ingredients'. Lucky me.

I work in law now and in the last year I've been asked to advise on family law, contract disputes, property law, employment law, wills and LPAs. None of which I practice in. I now tell them that my contract forbids me from taking on work outside my office.