To be pissed off with people expecting you to do your job in your spare time for them. (For free!)

[user1484750550]

Not so much an AIBU, as I don't think I AM being unreasonable. Just wanted peoples views/opinions/advice etc...

Have people ever had this happen before? People expecting you to do your job in your own time, for free? And how did you deal with it?

Or are you actually experiencing something like this at the moment?

It has happened to my DH, my brother, my friend's husband, and now to me. I don't want to say too much, as it may identify me, but I have recently started a new job (say for example a hairdresser,) and I have had a couple of people asking me to do their hair for them (in my own time for free!)

DH is a mechanic and has been asked by 3 or 4 people in the past 3 months ALONE, to 'come and have a quick look at their car,' and deal with the problem they have, for free obviously.

My brother who is a carpenter, gets badgered too, to do random carpentry jobs for people, (for free!) and he's thinking of saying to the 5 or 6 people who keep asking him to do things for him, that his employer no longer allows it and he will get the sack if he is caught.

My friend's husband is a gardener, and keeps being asked (by extended family and neighbours) to come and do this and that for them in their gardens, and is never offered anything for it.

So has anyone else experienced this, and how did you deal with it? How did you deal with people expecting you to do your actual job for free for them in your spare time?

(The jobs I have said we all have are examples btw...)

My DH is in IT and gets called on to fix everyone's computer. He's too nice to say no and spends hours doing a proper job of it. I fume on his behalf.

I'm a dressmaker and agreed to help with the costumes for a school dance competition my daughter is in.
I was happy to help the school but only realised once I'd agreed that "help" meant "make all 27 Michael Jackson costumes from scratch with a budget of £2 each."

I've done it but only after burning the midnight oil (and 3am oil) a few times. I've spent £65 on materials and donated £270's worth of my time when I was already fully booked. Lesson learned to find out EXACTLY what's required before agreeing.

My work is in various sewing jobs..as was my Mum when she first started out..she regularily got people turning up with fabric and a pattern and saying "you could run this up in an hour or so"

I kept quiet about a former job, very specific to our town. The first time I admitted what I did it wasn't long before someone collared me ad moaned that her DH had been promoted and it was going to cost £150 to sew his new rank on and could I........ Well yea the job would cost that in time so why would I do it for free.very little

Neoprene
Jeeze you should have asked them to look up the definition of 'help' in the school dictionary! Thats appaling.

I'm pretty sure I've posted about this one before but I once had a smear test where the nurse doing it was consulting with me about a personal domestic abuse issue she was experancing whilst she was actually doing my smear test.

That was weird.

A doctor friend came for dinner once. She asked after our son and I was briefly telling her his latest diagnosis when she cut me off, saying she didn't do doctor stuff socially. I was annoyed as I wasn't asking for advice--she doesn't even practise in that speciality.

An hour later she said her father had just finished his memoirs and they were fascinating. They need a good edit and proofread as English is his second language but she was sure we'd love to do it for him as his story is amazing. For free. Nah, I don't think so.

Hahahahahahahahahahaha

I work in theatre. It's basically expected that for the first 10yrs min of your career you work for free. And that's not even friends asking favours - that's the INDUSTRY!

I worked for a famous, privately funded theatre and was the only staff member expected to do my job for first of all peanuts and then continue for free. Thankfully my boss fought my corner with the management and I got paid extra for the extra work.

I even had a family member ask if I'd ask a friend who's a v well known theatre actor to do some voiceover work for their company because the story was great and it was a wonderful project to be part of. I gave my friend's agent's details.

Honestly this bollocks "exposure" business.....thankfully I now live in a city where it's expected everyone gets paid and I'm in the position to fight for decent fees for those I bring onto projects, as has been done for me. Consequently - in the last 3 months I've earnt more than any other year of my career (still not a fortune by anyone's standards)

My friend often asked me to tutor her child for free. I put it to her that I am willing to do this if her husband also works for free for me. Currently he is doing work on my house in a trade for my hours supporting her SEN child. We do an hour of his trade for an hour of my trade and it works well. Offer this to someone and see what you can get back from them.

Me and DH are both in the building trade and often help out friends, but it's usually a sit down with a cup of tea talking about their conservatory/extension/loft conversion and how to handle the builders/architects/engineers/planners involved. I wouldn't do anything for anyone for free or even mates rates as I haven't got personal insurance (only through my employer) but I appreciate that it's something that affects a lot of people and often they just want a few pointers about what to look out for and suggestions of what they could do.

So I think it depends what your profession is and what they're after - if you're a hairdresser and they want you to cut their hair for free then it's just the same as someone asking me to design their loft conversion for free and not on. But if they want to talk to you about xyz procedure that they're thinking of having (and they make you a cup of tea and give you a biscuit or two) then I think it's OK.

I have a friend who is a solicitor who begrudges this sort of thing.

The thing is, there is a difference between asking a mechanic to spend time, materials etc fixing your car for free, and asking someone whose "trade" involves knowledge, for help.

I work in a similar "my skills are in my head" sort of industry, and am happy to give someone 5 minutes of my experience if they ask for it. It doesn't cost me a thing and I don't begrudge it.

That is worlds apart from being asked to make, for example, a dress that will take hours and hours.

I think my solicitor friend is pretty tight in this area, tbh.

Humphrey and whynotnow
I was doing planning in the evenings (unpaid), I made a few noises about it but did it (I know how much stuff there is to do and I'm not an arsehole who wouldn't have a problem dumping extra workload on other class teachers) but I was expected to plan whole units of work, that I might not even be teaching, long term planning, during the half term when I wasn't being paid at all and I had no childcare as my DH was at work, though that is irrelevant really, the fact that it was unpaid is enough.

Why is it unacceptable and rude in every other situation but because it's teaching it's okay? Perpetuates the undervaluing of teaching, no?

My stepdad works as a telecoms engineer for a big company and they live in a rural area where everyone knows everyone and their home phone numbers. The number of people who phone their house to ask him to fix their phone instead of going through the proper channels (albeit a call centre in India). And the mug that he is, he does the work, for free, in his own time! Drives my mum bonkers. She often ignores the phone or tells then he's not there. They even try it on late at night!

Hi DelphiniumBlue. I agree with this, but of course the difficulty is not exactly cash payment, but the lack of quid pro quo. I usually agree once, if it's a reasonable amount of work, but then would expect the favour to be returned if there was something I needed. On reflection it all sounds a bit like The Godfather…

My DH works with computers all day long and a neighbour (elderly), kept asking for help. Almost weekly. This went on for over two years and in all that time he only offered us a couple of frozen trout (that he had caught), as payment.
They were nice trout...

*INXS`would it be 5 minutes though?

I get asked almost every week to help neighbours or acquaintances children with their English (we live in a non English speaking country, and I am a qualified teacher and do teach evening classes outside my non teaching job and used to tutor kids but gave it up as it is too preparation intensive and people are too unreliable always trying to reschedule or forgetting to turn up and expecting not to pay or expecting me to constantly be available to reply to multiple emails and phone calls free when they pay for 45 minutes a week of tuition). As well as that I have been asked to teach ad hoc classes at primary school and regular classes at both the Kindergarten and the after school club, all for free.

If I said yes to everything I'd be teaching at least three actual classes and several evenings or afternoons per week - about six hours contact time and the same again in preparation time to do it properly, so about 12 hours a week plus some photocopying costs.

Some people offer to pay me for tutoring their kids, but never want to pay market rate - a women who runs hobby classes which my DD went to (and of course paid in full to attend) asked me to tutor her DD as a one off for a specific exam, she isn't a friend just barely an acquaintance so I told her how much I charge (mid normal market rate for an adult teacher) and she agreed, brought her daughter over and dropped her off and stayed outside in the car, then came to pay at the end and without even asking her daughter how the session had gone she tried to negotiate me down to the amount sixth formers charge to tutor younger kids on school premises (organised and co-ordinated through the school), saying my rate was too high...

People take the piss if it's "just" time, forgetting you have other things to do with your time and have probably spent more of your own time preparing to help them as well as the time with them, and might be missing dinner with the family or the one time per week you usually have to yourself, or the only evening that week you and your husband have without either of you having another commitment, or have had to ask somebody else to watch your own kids, or whatever.

DH gets asked to help people with tech too, but non family normally pay him in beer without him asking - family take the piss to an extent though.

The worst offenders are those who assume you like being asked to help and ask you to do things they could actually have done themselves if they'd RTFM...

I have a hobby business making wedding cakes. People take the piss all the time and often seem to have no concept of the difference between whipping up a quick Victoria sponge and creating a bespoke skillfully decorated cake.

A random colleague at my day job asked me to make three posies of sugar roses for her daughter's wedding cake 'next time you've got all your sugarcraft equipment out anyway'. I said 'ok, that'll be around £100 for my materials and time, what's the colour scheme' and she was horrified, spluttered that she thought I could just knock them up for her for free. Yeah, 6 hours work and a load of free materials for someone I don't know's wedding (plus she'd just inherited £200k which she banged on about all the time so it's not like she couldn't afford to pay me).

I do the odd charity freebie and sometimes make the decorations for friend's wedding cakes as their wedding present (which I love doing) but otherwise it's a blanket no.

I am a dressmaker and have been asked countless times to "Run something up for xxxx for her prom".
I reply "my rates are £10.00 an hour, it'll take me at least 24 hours (3 x8 hour shifts) to measure, cut, pin, tack, fit, hand sew detailed beading work onto chiffon, refit, and line it."
They never ask again.

DH is an electrician, he'll do jobs for our daughters, put up a light fitting or add extra sockets, plus other maintenance jobs but he ignores anyone else asking for freebies. Next door keep dropping massive hints to him to have their garage rewired. He has been ignoring these hints for eight years.

I had an extended conversation with a friend of a friend about her future contraception options. I assumed it was because I was a bit older than her, and we had done with child-rearing and all. But no, she had heard I was a doctor - yes indeed, doctor of philosophy mind (history)....

INXS
My TIME and KNOWLEDGE is exactly what I do And should get paid for.

Oh and the small matter of legal liability for said knowledge if misapplied or misunderstood because people want said knowledge reduced to back of a fag packet sound bites.

In my particular profession, that liability continues even after retirement. Now tell me I can do it for free.

Seriously pisses me off.

And yet on MN, there is a constant refrain that you should see and lawyer and that you get the first hour for free...

I suggest you tell them that you're happy to offer 'Mates' Rates' (but then quote your actually hourly rate). I don't have this problem (no skills!) but if someone phones me and asks for the Very Best Price on a product and I say 'I can do it for you for ...' then they're usually happy. The situation you're describing drives me crazy (on behalf of people who do have skills).

My dh was a leccy by trade and when we got married and bought a run down property, his relatives constantly asked him to do works for them. It got to ridiculous levels where I would be sat at home with a concrete mixer actually in the house and he was out there pleasing his mother by doing work for distant relatives who never bothered with us at all.

He undertook re-wires on a large property. His dm told me we would be paid by being given a second hand washing machine (for a £2,000 job). It was duly delivered, after asking us for £50, rusting and leaking onto my kitchen floor. I hit the roof.

One weekend, his sister asked him if he would work on her car the next day. This was when she was not asking me to go to the post office for her to post letters abroad without giving me any money and I worked full time. Also borrowing my clothes without asking and taking food out of our fridge when she visited. He had forgotten we were having a day out to the coast together. The look I gave him could have curdled milk. His mother then told people I was stopping him doing jobs for his own family.

Not long afterwards we moved. At my dh's suggestion.

I know someone who's employed as a tradesman, and booked some un-paid leave to work on his house.
As soon as his extended family found out, he was called out constantly to do free repairs for them and hardly managed to do a thing on his own house - he got so fed up he went back to work for his employers early!