To be pissed off with people expecting you to do your job in your spare time for them. (For free!)

[user1484750550]

Not so much an AIBU, as I don't think I AM being unreasonable. Just wanted peoples views/opinions/advice etc...

Have people ever had this happen before? People expecting you to do your job in your own time, for free? And how did you deal with it?

Or are you actually experiencing something like this at the moment?

It has happened to my DH, my brother, my friend's husband, and now to me. I don't want to say too much, as it may identify me, but I have recently started a new job (say for example a hairdresser,) and I have had a couple of people asking me to do their hair for them (in my own time for free!)

DH is a mechanic and has been asked by 3 or 4 people in the past 3 months ALONE, to 'come and have a quick look at their car,' and deal with the problem they have, for free obviously.

My brother who is a carpenter, gets badgered too, to do random carpentry jobs for people, (for free!) and he's thinking of saying to the 5 or 6 people who keep asking him to do things for him, that his employer no longer allows it and he will get the sack if he is caught.

My friend's husband is a gardener, and keeps being asked (by extended family and neighbours) to come and do this and that for them in their gardens, and is never offered anything for it.

So has anyone else experienced this, and how did you deal with it? How did you deal with people expecting you to do your actual job for free for them in your spare time?

(The jobs I have said we all have are examples btw...)

A lot of people ask me for help with writing in English (I live in France). Some people are extremely cheeky about this and, while I am often happy to help, I won't do just anything for people who take the piss.

DH is in a creative field and he does thousands of pounds of design work for free for our close friends, close family and causes that we are personally involved with. Our friends don't take the piss and often help us out with things in return, we don't expect that, it just is how friendships work. We would do anything to help them, and they would do anything to help us. However, DH wouldn't do free work for just anyone or any cause.

There's a huge difference helping out a genuine friend and getting requests from random people who come out of the woodwork.

dh is very good at fixing computers. We used to lie overseas and the ex pat community were always asking for help with fixing computers. He ended up spending lots of time that he should have been working, or lots of weekend time with other people's computers.

He foudn a local shop which coudl do the same, and then when people phoned he had a standard reply. He was only avaiblable on Friday afternoons to fix other people's computers. And he would only do jobs that shop xx couldn't do. The final thing was that the computer must be brought to him, he wasn't travelling half way round the city to work on it.

People were shocked. They wanted to use their emails TODAY, and didn't want to wait til Friday. BUT as soon as he said that too much of his work time was taken up with fixing other people's computers instead of doing his job, the penny dropped and people understood.

We did have one or two exceptions, people we geniunely didn't mind helping, but not everyone.

I think the simple answer is - Oh you would like a haircut? Great my family and friends rate is XXX and I am only free on Saturday morning. (and the cheaper rate is not a bargain, just 10%-20% off)

Oh God, I've never thought about the medical type stuff from a Doc / Nurse point of view. Just when I was expecting it was recommended that I was induced - fine. I was nervous about it and my odds of being home for Christmas. I didn't think it was a big issue to discuss with a Doctor parent at the school gates. Whoops - I really hope they didn't mind but they managed to keep me calm and give me hope I had a decent chance of getting home. It went belly up and not to plan but that's beside the point.

I wouldn't ever expect a tradesperson to work for nothing. Cash in hand, mates rates maybe but never a freebie.
My ILs used to drive me nuts every time we were planning visit DH would be asked to bring tools need you to do xyz stuff they wouldn't bother with if they were paying it took DH a while before he eventually said No.

Oh, don't forget the "it'll be good practice for you" reasoning for them making such a cheeky request

I've had several people asking me to do my hobby stuff for them for which you'd typically get a professional to do, would take the pro less time than me and would cost a hell of a lot more than just the materials. So of course, takes me much longer to produce a professional finish as it's not my day job.

I've learned not to be such a bloody mug from past experiences now, including the specific use of "or" instead of commas...
e.g. SIL asked me to do something for DNs birthday. So I suggested x,y,z,a,b or c.
She said yes please and expected THE LOT - immediately started gushing about how DN would LOVE all of that, they're really looking forward to it etc etc guilt, guilt can't back out of it now

And a bunch of flowers do not make up for several days worth of free labour not when I know that you can afford to pay me at least something for my time and what I produced was blooming amazing .

No.
Sodding.
More.

until the next time I'm too bloody nice

I think to a large extent it depends who is asking.

I support my parents' computers for free, provide an unpaid IT support service centre and host their email. When they went to Thailand for 2 years I paid a local company to look after them. I arranged a 24x7 telephone support, next day on site call-out contract, with guaranteed English speaking support staff at an amazingly low price (by UK standards). They still rang me !!

Having said that, I don't mind. I prefer to know they are getting reliable advice, and I could never repay all the stuff my parents did for me when I was young.

I support my elderly neighbours, for what appears to be a bottle of whiskey per visit (a rate which was never agreed but came as a pleasant surprise). In return they look after our chickens when we go away

But if a working friend asked me I'd expect them to pay.

Unfortunately it's part and parcel of being self-employed. I get phone calls at 10.30pm on a Saturday night to discuss work and people clock watching to make sure you don't finish too early (but funnily enough they never offering extra for spending extra time working on something/going above and beyond what was agreed).

People also think they are doing you a favour by offering to pay in cash - no you're really not and it won't give you a special rate. The cash will still be paid into the bank (requiring extra time to go there), will still be declared to the HMRC and will require extra admin time to keep track of. I'd really rather you paid by bank transfer as this minimises my admin. Unfortunately, you may think you are doing a favour to offer cash payments, but I can't pay my bills or mortgage by cash.

People may think it's no big deal to ask for "mates rates", but how would you feel in your employed job if your boss asked you to work x number of hours at a lower rate "because we're friends and you'd be doing me a massive favour"? They'd be quite insulted.

I do a lot of voluntary work in a completely different area to my paid work and I'm more than happy to give up my time for free on my terms, but not in the field I make my living in.

All this resonates with me,
The irony is that those who are the most likely to take are the least willing to give.
I am a lawyer and my neighbour asked if I could have a quick look at her son's essay( LLB) I obliged. I assumed it was a one off and therefore I was shocked when he turned up at my doorstep asking me to have a look at another essay. I stupidly agreed and it became a weekly routine.
A few months later it was my dd's birthday and my next neighbour offered to make a cake for my dd Under normal circumstances , I would offer to pay. However, I assumed that as I had helped her son for almost a year , that she was baking the cake for free . I was shocked when I received an invoice for £50.
I paid for the cake , but became 'too busy' to help her son.

I was doing work as a supply teacher covering a maternity leave for 3 days a well and was expected to give up hours of my time in the evenings and AND work in the half term holiday when I was getting paid ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. The other teachers who I was working with didn't understand why I had a problem, maybe because I was being expected to give up my time for free ?!? The headteacher had a "quiet chat" with me about it and asked what she could do to help, I told her I didn't want to do free work in my spare time (which I didn't have as I hadn't a 1 year old at home, hence part time supply work rather than full time class teacher), she told me I was naive and that I shouldn't have taken the position if i wasn't prepared to do the work.

People literally want something for nothing. Always.

• week
• had a one year old

Ugh typos

Yes, my employer recquires me to work 24/7. I am only paid to work 37 hours per week or as the job requires, according to my contract .

Constant problem. I used to be self employed and the number of times I would be approached for a job at x pay, only to learn at interview that their funding had mysteriously disappeared and I would literally be 'working three days in exchange for a cheese sandwich'... Family are one thing - and they often try to take the proverbial yard, but if you are being consulted for your professional opinion and/or skills (especially if you have no other source of income at the time), you need to set some boundaries.

I was doing work as a supply teacher covering a maternity leave for 3 days a well and was expected to give up hours of my time in the evenings and AND work in the half term holiday when I was getting paid ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. The other teachers who I was working with didn't understand why I had a problem, maybe because I was being expected to give up my time for free ?!? The headteacher had a "quiet chat" with me about it and asked what she could do to help, I told her I didn't want to do free work in my spare time (which I didn't have as I hadn't a 1 year old at home, hence part time supply work rather than full time class teacher), she told me I was naive and that I shouldn't have taken the position if i wasn't prepared to do the work.

This is the situation all supply teachers are in if they take on a long term cover. It was not unique to that school. I am not saying it is morally right, but it is expected you will plan etc.

Am I the only person who has the reverse problem - asking someone I know to do a job (as in tradespeople where it's their business) in the total expectation of paying them their going rate (and saying so at the time!) and then having to fight to actually give them the cash?

** obviously 'cash' means ££s in whatever form they would prefer.

Yes I'm afraid that a teacher covering maternity would be expected to do the full job of the person they are covering and certainly in my school that would include after school interventions. We don't do a lot in the holidays but I know other schools where that would be standard so yes I think you were probably naive if you thought you would just teach a few lessons and someone else would do all the extras (who?)

Aretouveingserviced that reminds me of my boss when I was newly qualified. Small friendly community, we were the high street solicitors. Chip shop owner came in and boss who was too polite ended up giving him £100s free legal advice. Next time in chippy boss paid for a fish and then changed his mind and said oh can I have a few chips, chippy owner held out his hand and said 20p. Skills are not seen as having value but flour/eggs/sugar cost. So Rude after all the free help you gave. I always remembered that.

DH used to work in the travel industry, not as a travel agent, but in the industry. The number of times people use to ask him to find cheap flights/hotels for them was staggering. Or expect that he could just gift them free stays in five star hotels.

His dad even asked him to get free rooms with all inclusive resorts and deep discounts on flights for his third wedding! DH had nothing to do with leisure travel or resorts, but was still expected to magic stuff out of thin air.

Oh and my "D"M used to regularly badger him to get her upgrades on random airlines. Assuming that because he got upgraded then he could just demand upgrades for anyone he wanted.

He works in the City now, so no one asks us for favors anymore

The irony is that those who are the most likely to take are the least willing to give.

^^this.

My dh used to have this all the time until I help him find his backbone - he still doesn't feel able to say no so he's busy all.the.time now and people have stopped asking

Guess that's the gig economy for you? Employers expect you to be greatful to have a job, I'm just glad that i'm in one of the very few jobs that still has a strong union, as today most people seem to have the mind set, that I'm treated like poo and I'v chosen to accept this so you should take it too, instead of saying hey they are being treated well and I deserve that too?

I get this.
I'm a costumer and have learned to dread world book day and dropping dd off in the run up to it.
I don't mind helping out a couple of wonderful but unimaginative and cack-handed friends. It's fun.
I don't like the assumption that because I'm home (working) all day that I can just run up a full harry Potter costume complete with wand in return for going out for a coffee sometimes. I tell them what it would cost to make, they tell me they could get it cheaper in tescos. I agree and they look put out as though they were trying to do ME a favour all along.

I will do mates rates as long as they are mates and its not interfering with a big project.

Yep, I was a hands on graphic designer up until a while ago. Was always asked to do stuff for free, I stopped when a 'friend' of mine offered my services, for free, to a friend of hers. As has been mentioned in this thread, you need to develop a no strategy.

I get it ALL the time. Really annoys me especially when I have worked damned hard to get to the place where my services are valuable.
As a result I NEVER ask favours of this type from friends with different areas of expertise. They charge full whack, although I have sometimes found they need persuading that I am serious about not expecting to pick their brains for nothing.

Having said that, for friends in dire need, I will offer free help - but that is my choice.