To be pissed off with people expecting you to do your job in your spare time for them. (For free!)

[user1484750550]

Not so much an AIBU, as I don't think I AM being unreasonable. Just wanted peoples views/opinions/advice etc...

Have people ever had this happen before? People expecting you to do your job in your own time, for free? And how did you deal with it?

Or are you actually experiencing something like this at the moment?

It has happened to my DH, my brother, my friend's husband, and now to me. I don't want to say too much, as it may identify me, but I have recently started a new job (say for example a hairdresser,) and I have had a couple of people asking me to do their hair for them (in my own time for free!)

DH is a mechanic and has been asked by 3 or 4 people in the past 3 months ALONE, to 'come and have a quick look at their car,' and deal with the problem they have, for free obviously.

My brother who is a carpenter, gets badgered too, to do random carpentry jobs for people, (for free!) and he's thinking of saying to the 5 or 6 people who keep asking him to do things for him, that his employer no longer allows it and he will get the sack if he is caught.

My friend's husband is a gardener, and keeps being asked (by extended family and neighbours) to come and do this and that for them in their gardens, and is never offered anything for it.

So has anyone else experienced this, and how did you deal with it? How did you deal with people expecting you to do your actual job for free for them in your spare time?

(The jobs I have said we all have are examples btw...)

Been on the other end of this - my aunt offered my uncle's time for free (solicitor, flat purchase) but it turned out he wanted paying. I was fine with it (he never said himself it would be free, after all) until I bought my next flat years later and got a random solicitor to do it for about a third of what my uncle charged me...

It's so awkward though. DH is a mechanic and used to end up under cars in the Pissing rain the drive for whole weekends for nothing.
Now we have 2 kids and I work most weekends he says no as he has to look after the kids, can't do cars and childcare.
People still try despite knowing he is at work all week and kids at weekend...pffft

@aria999 My brother did the same with my first car. He insisted on fixing it so I didn't get ripped off. It developed the same problem several months later when I was 600 miles away (it was a common issue with that car) and it cost me a third of the price. The next time it happened I went elsewhere locally (wondering if it was a regional difference) and it was cheaper still.

I make cakes and always get asked "oh and you'll bring the cake yeah" about every meet up. I've said I won't have the time and Im coming ad a guest to turn up and find no cake at said event.

Reading this thread is unbelievable! The cheek of people!! I'm a Clinical Psychologist and like many of you I am constantly inundated with requests to help people, their children, relatives of theirs etc etc. Usually it's from people on Facebook who I am loosely connected to but haven't seen for years. What I find really hard is that they pull on my heart strings. So they will say things like this:
"I am so sorry for contacting you but I'm desperate and you are my only hope. My child suffers from severe anxiety and cries all day. I mentioned you to her and she would love to talk to you. Please can you just meet her and see what you can recommend? I don't know how we will cope if you don't help."
Or people ask for advice or book recommendations, or jobs, or help with university essays. Once I even had someone I had never met before who lives in New Zealand and who met a "friend" of mine on holiday. My friend passed on my email address and suggested this guy contact me for me to edit his PhD thesis. FOR FREE!! I didn't even reply to that email. I used to reply to people giving loads of advice. I would spend hours helping people for free. No one ever offered to pay me or to do a favour in return. I have toughened up now. I don't help anymore unless I choose to for a particular reason. I have lost "friends", fallen out with family members. But I now am able to switch off from work. It's sad that people can use others like this but it's a fact of life. I have a full time job and a private practice as well. I was getting completely burnt out before. But not anymore. Life's too short to be used like this!!

I'm a lawyer and am surprisingly often asked 'just to have a look' at something for a friend. It is so frickin awkward. The one that pissed me off the most was when i had just finished work at 38 weeks pregnant with DS and my friend asked me to have a quick chat with her husband about a disputed. I dutifully did that but then was bombarded with related papers, emails and phone calls as he wanted me to essentially represent him for free. At that point I just said sorry, no, but I can recommend a number of good lawyers who might be able to help you.

Haven't read all these but my DH works in IT and is always being asked to just look at this or that. He quite easily spends about a hour or so sorting things out in his spare time and never gets anything for it not even a couple of beers, he's cottoned on to those that do it often now though !

At gatherings and events, I've learned to dread the introductions that begin "...and this is Tanith: she's a childminder and she just loves kids!"

Cue for being surrounded by other people's children to entertain for the day while their parents relax and forget about them. I was even, on one memorable occasion, handed the hostess's baby with a soiled nappy: "Oh Tanith, can you just change him for me?"

Probably the most outrageous was the little gang of kids who pushed past me when I answered the door and, when I asked them what they thought they were doing: "Well, Mummy says you're a childminder!"

DH used to be a dish fitter for Sky. He had a lot of people asking to fix problems with a dish or box, which isn't a big job except it means trawling to someone else's house each time and sometimes going up a ladder (he wasn't insured when not at work obviously).

What he got asked a lot of was, if people ordered a second box for £10 a month and they wanted it installed in a different house. So basically people getting Sky with movies and sports for a tenner a month because a relative ordered them a box and pretend it was going in their bedroom. It was possible to do, but DH would've got sacked if they found out so would say no.

He didnt mind fixing problems for the likes of my grandparents who were elderly and genuinely needed help rather than just googling it, but some people really took the piss - including a great uncle who I hadn't seen in about 10 years who heard through family what DH did for a living. He rang and asked if DH could fix his friend's Sky box 20 miles away on the following Friday afternoon. DH was feeling generous and had the day off so said yes, it would be some time after 3pm. Great uncle phoned at 3.30pm going absolutely berserk because DH was 'late' - I said he wasn't, he said some time after 3pm, it was a favour and he was doing it on his terms time-wise. Great uncle ranted on about how DH had better not embarrass him as this friend was a good friend, she's a millionaire you know! I said in that case she can call Sky herself and pay for it, then hung up. I text to say he was very rude and DH wouldnt be going to his friends. He died 3 weeks later my mum once asked if I felt bad that "I left things that way" I said no he was a rude twat and just because people might die suddenly one day it doesn't mean you tolerate abuse.

Luckily for DH he's self employed in an wntirely different field so doesn't get asked any more!

As an aside I have a photographer friend, one more than one occasion when she's been invited to a wedding as a guest she's been asked to 'bring her camera'...and found that she's actually been assigned photographer! Cheeky fuckers. She says no now

Careers Adviser. Always getting asked whether I will 'do a CV' for various people who know people who I haven't even met.

Tainith
Jesus I hope you told her where to go!

Just repeat ad nauseum, "I am OBVIOUSLY not working today so wont be looking after anyones kids, wheres the drinks?" Dont let yourself be taken for a mug, what awful people.

What did you do with all those kids? Kick them straight back out again I hope!

I know a cm who had someone she didnt know arrive at her door one morning with kids and little rucksacks. When she asked who she was she was told she was dropping the kids off as she hadnt got any childcare for the day! Friend said she wasnt a drop off centre and wasnt taking her kids, she was most put out that friend wouldnt take them as 'child care was childcare, no difference who it was/what the rules were for the setting, and she could make an exeption just for her surely?'!

The level of idiots in society makes me wonder how we have lasted this long as a species.

I've been on the receiving end of this as I used to be a semi professional seamstress. I specialised in bridal and evening wear.
The number of people who thought I'd do adjustments for free... Good grief. Sometimes I'd take a look at the ill fitting article and my advice would be "It'll be cheaper if I make a new one".
They never listened! In the end I decided to not take on any more adjustment work as people were being ridiculous and some shop bought stuff can't be adjusted, not if you still want it to look good!
Or - It'll give you some experience. Yeah, that's why I spent two years at college learning how to do this stuff!
Carpal tunnel syndrome has ended my career for now, its almost a relief.
My mum has had it far worse though. She is a professionally trained musician and teacher.
This mean's she's been asked to play piano for free all sorts of times. It has been just 'assumed' she'd play at several weddings at our church. On one occasion nobody said anything to her until about ten minutes before the service.
One of our church leaders noticed nobody was sat at the piano and asked her if she knew who was supposed to be playing.
Awkward.

We had a massive piss taker about ten years ago. Was going to get me to make the bridesmaids dresses, but I had the temerity to want the going rate so he got the hump with me.
My mum made the mistake of offering to play piano. This meant having to go to.a six hour rehearsal the day before! Seriously, six hours. Mum said the groom was picky about everything.
He asked a friend to make soup as a starter for their wedding breakfast. They did (for two hundred people) and it took them hours to do. He went to taste it and his first comment was " Oh its too herby."
Then he couldn't understand why his friend was upset.
All sorts of people were volunteered to do things. He didn't ask, just put names down regardless.
I was put down to help warm up some food. Found out two days before. I refused, my mum told be off!
I think she was stressed though. As well as playing and organising all the music for the wedding, she'd found herself in charge of organising food too.
Did she get thanks? Not really, no.
Did she even get an invite to the wedding? No.
DH and I were invited, though we discovered that this was simply because the groom wanted DH to babysit an awkward mutual friend.
We skipped off early.
Thanks, that was cathartic!

Ooh I've just thought of another one! This really is peak-cheeky-fuckery and to make it worse it was my work so I couldn't object too much (and it will out me but fuck it).

I worked for a local authority about 10 years ago. The Chairman of said LA raised money for his chosen charity, an Alzheimer's charity. My boss, an eternal kiss-arse, decided that our team of 20 people or so would help. She wanted us to get into teams and compete to raise money for the charity. The team who raises the most would get a prize.

Now I don't mind raising money for charity but I prefer to choose it myself and Alzheimer's, though perfectly worthy, simply wasn't close to my heart - I'd rather than raised for the local hospice. But no, we had to do it for the Chariamn's charity (Chairman himself had zero involvement).

It was 2 weeks of absurdity. Every team had a manager leading it, who was desperate to impress. We were told we had to pack bags at Morrisons on a Thursday night for 3 hours. Because they paid me a pittance I worked a second job as a waitress on an evening, so wasn't available and was warned I could be disciplined my parents owned a restaurant at the time and they told me I was to get 20 bottles of wine and they would have a wine tasting afternoon in the car park. My mum said it was fine, probably because I was terrified that if I didn't I'd lose my job!

What took the biscuit though was One woman's partner ran an independent cinema, that never made a profit but he was really passionate about films so ran it is a hobby, mainly for local film students. She was told that she had to get him to show films for one afternoon and sell tickets she stopdbher ground though and pointed out that it's not that simple, it takes setting up, licensing issues, insurance etc.

Another team asked a local fancy dress shop, run by a husband and wife, if they could borrow some outfits for staff to wear in the town centre with buckets to raise cash. My colleague spoke to the husband who said yes. When he rang back the next day to arrange collection, the wife answered and hadn't been told about it so went to check. My colleague went berserk at her saying they were an incompetent business and made her cry. The husband not only revoked the costumes but turned up at reception ready to smack my colleague one

What pissed me off was that my parents restaurant got no recognition anywhere, not even a sign at the wine tasting, which was one reason for them donating the wine.

We were told all along that there'd be a great prize for the winners. It turned out that was £20 on behalf of the team towards the charity. Not even a thank you from the Chairman!

I would say fine, I can do that for £howevermuch for you.

Am I the only person who enjoys helping out a friend? I run a B&B and often have friends come and stay while in the area visiting family or going to weddings (not visiting us). It effectively costs me money each time as I cannot take another paying guest but I wouldnt dream of charging them! We have a good group of friends who would all help each other out without expectation of reward. My daughters birthday party our friends gave us their bouncy castle for the day and didn't expect payment (although I bought them a bottle of wine). An electrician friend of my husband is moving our fuse box next week. I am helping a friend move home at the end of the month. We have a van and it will take me all day but I expect nothing in return. Maybe our friendships are different. We all help each other because we are friends!

Cant
Its ok to help out a friend especially one who will help out you at some point but read the thread...taking advantage of people who you consider a friend, taking advantage of someone you dont even know and expecting them to do something for free = not nice.

Being volunteered to do something for someone you dont even know, when it will take hours of work taking you away from your paid work or family is not on no matter how you dress it up.

How would you like to be volunteered to do something at a wedding where you were fully expected to be on a nice night out and get dumped with everyones kids to look after while the parents have a good time getting drunk and ignoring their own bloody kids all evening? No thanks, if I get invited to a function as a guest thats what I am, not the unpaid skivvy.

I wouldnt do hours of legal work, sewing or anything else for someone who thinks they are doing ME a favour while getting something that would cost them £100s for free.

Its taking the p.

I'm a pianist and piano teacher. I do sometimes play for gigs for charity and not charge, but that's my choice. I play for a local authority music service, accompanying children for instrumental exams, but whenever anyone I know has a child who needs an accompanist for an exam, they expect me to do it for free as a favour. It would also include having rehearsals, so there's quite a bit of time involved. Also one of my neighbours,who had hardly ever spoken to me, once asked for free piano lessons, because he was a neighbour.

I don't mind helping if I am being asked nicely and if I have time. It's not acceptable to expect me to do something because I can, ignoring the fact that I have a job to do to pay the bills, a family to take care off and maybe plans on my own. Some people will always ask, but never dream of offering help with babysitting or anything.

Sometimes I would love to offer help to a friend moving house, but I can't. I haven't go the time or someone to look after my kids. I haven't got time either to do the free work people expect me to do.

Cantthinkofabloodyusername

I agree with u re friends but when it becomes friends of friends of friends gets a bit much

I own a menswear business that hires out very expensive outfits. They would cost about £1000 to buy and I rent them out for about £70.
I have no end of people coming in asking for free hires because it's for a student dance, or it's for a charity event, or an opening of a store.
I still have to prep the outfits and clean them when they come back! I have shop rent, staff to pay etc.
I had one two weeks ago where students got really angry when I wouldn't hire them two free outfits for multiculturism day for their uni society. They phoned me up three times to keep asking.
A lot of friends and acquaintances come in and I usually give them discount, but they never ask or expect it. I would charge full whack if they were cheeky though.

Just offer mates rates.

I think there's no need to fall out with friends over this, people may just be being unthinking rather than deliberately rude. As others have said, you can say no politely, or say how much you charge.

I don't get this much, occasionally my dad will ask me to look over a document or translate something for him, but I don't mind that. A friend of mine is a hairdresser and offered to cut my daughter's hair for free, which was lovely of her. I then asked her if she could come and cut it again a few months later and she said, "Yes, but it'll cost £x". Fair enough, given that she pays me to teach her kids French and doesn't expect it for free.

I am truly astounded! However, I recognise the repeated cheekiness and wretched meanness in the threads about this subject; here are a few juicy stories:many years ago, my dear sister was virtually 'bullied' (in effect) by a senior Doctor manger (she was working as a medical secretary at the time) to correct her PhD. it was...'Oh leave that letter, could you correct this....(she never actually told my sister what she proof reading and correcting); it dawned on my sister after may many weeks of ...Oh can you just correct this please...and ...have you finished that correction I gave you earlier?? and the best bit of this story is that when done and dusted - because she never actually told my sister what all of the correction was related to (she must have thought my sister was dim - she was not dim, she was young and intimidated), she never even said a plain and simple 'thank you' or bought her a box of choccies or a bottle of wine (it makes me smart remembering it after all these years!).

I am a nurse and I remember helping a nurse colleague, who was doing a conversion for a higher qualification with her academic essays; this went on for weeks and weeks (she had a poor hold of basic grammar and was not a particularly academic person so it was a lot of work for me!); once finished - I got a bale of cheap towels and little communication (like a basic 'thanks for your help'); I have never seen her again! Good luck I say.

I just hate when people hear I am nurse, they start.....blah, blah, blah about all of their current ailments - often self inflicted; bad chests, sore throats that will not get better (heavy smokers), breathlessness and aching joints (too much weight and no exercise), sores, complex medical issues, stories about arguments with their GPs/nurses/hospital bad experiences. I do have sympathetic ear and I am too polite/well trained and experienced to stop people in their tracks when they are off loading, but it never ceases to amaze me since I would not go into personal health details about my ailments with people I barely know or are in their time off from work.

Oh about asking friends/family/neighbours for favours/help/advice - in fact anything they are expert in and you would normally have to pay for....don't do it; If you are the person with the skill, don't do it - unless you come to a professional, adult negotiation about the 'job' that is well defined and price has been negotiated, agreed and paid for - preferably before the job is done.