PFB confessions...

[ForTheSakeOfFuck]

Just filled in PFB's "All about me" booklet for starting preschool in five weeks. It has a double-page spread for family photos - comfortably fits about four. I've painstakingly wedged in eleven. PFB grinning. PFB dancing. PFB shoveling food in his face. Then there're sections for writing about what PFB loves, hates, and is good at, word clouds to circle about his personality, tick boxes for how he learns/explores, all that kind of thing. Overall, I have pored over every question and written a carefully considered thesis. The staff going to take one leaf through this and make some (probably fairly accurate) conclusions. And yet, I cannot stop myself. In fact, I am ready to burst into tears at the very thought of taking him in on his first day with his little book all about him clutched in his hands.

Please cheer me up and tell me I'm not the only one who has done/is doing stuff like this. What's your most OTT PFB moment?

(PS. We have twins on the way so I imagine three years from now I'll be howling with laughter at my current self.)

I make dh start hoovering in a different room and then approach where me and PFB are even if it's only the room we're in which needs a hoover. So its a gradual crechendo of noise rather than it being sudden lest it make ds jump.

Dh is equally as precious, he won't use the tablet whilst holding the baby in case of "brain rays from the Internet" seep into ds's skull. (I think he's confusing microwaves from mobile phones).

Hilarious pixie

breast pads secured with medical tape inside tights make decent baby knee pads
But I never did that, oh no...

The day I walked home from town in my bra because baby pfb was cold and this wearing all my clothes.

Thus

It's not no more tears people!!!! (As in water coming from the eyes) it's no more tears as in rips!!! It conditions the hair so there's no pulling and ripping the hair. It's never a bloody good idea to put shampoo in your eyes jesus

@HighwayDragon1 no more tears isn't tears as in "Boohoo" tears apparently. It's tears as in "ripping" tears. 😨

Haha sorry at @Meekonsandwich cross post 😂 #loveaconspiracytheory

It's not no more tears people!!!! (As in water coming from the eyes) it's no more tears as in rips!!! It conditions the hair so there's no pulling and ripping the hair. It's never a bloody good idea to put shampoo in your eyes jesus

That's the funniest pile of bollocks I think I've seen. Of course it's no more tears, as in gentle on eyes. Even their win blurb says this.

*own

And because of my pfb's horrendous sleeping habits and a requirement to be cuddled to sleep she is not yet two and is a double bed that her dm spends 75% of her nights in. How she has a ds on the way I have no idea. And yes I was getting INTO the cot prior to this.

I don't think that's right Meekon. Their website claims it's 'NO MORE TEARS® formula is gentle to the eyes'.

*its

I read somewhere that it was "no more tears*"

• than other brands

Just read their website and it's rigorously tested and it probably hurts less.

www.johnsonsprofessional.com/johnsons-baby/no-more-tears

Though tbh I think other brands do the tears/tears thing

took DS to A&E for suspected meningitus rash. Turned out to be ezxcema. I was so embarrassed and felt terribly guilty.

In the early days I used to play a white noise video from YouTube on my phone for him while he slept, this basically meant I had no access to my phone from the hours of 7.30pm to the next morning! My life changed when someone gave me the ingenious tip of using a radio and just selecting an untuned frequency.

I've also done the standing at an angle thing when pushing the pram in the sun, and banging my head against the carpet after DS stumbled off a big teddy bear

Took my Motorola monitor back to ToysRUs and ranted at the customer services desk how he was crying and I hadn't heard it through the monitor and that I wanted my money back. i've spoken to many people since then who say it's normal!

I'm sure I've done tons more but they're not coming to me at the mo!!

I took my pfb out of the shopping trolley and carried her because the path was a bit bumpy and I thought it might shake her brain.

I think my favourite moment was when the nursery thermometer showed 23 degrees (it was summer, so not like i could turn the heating down). I actually tiptoed to his room in the middle of the night and opened the window, and waited until the temperature had dropped by 1 (ONE) degree.

Second born has never had a nursery thermometer.

We have twins on the way so I imagine three years from now I'll be howling with laughter at my current self.

I know this thread is supposed to be lighthearted but I hate "PFB". I can't have any more children, my first born will be my only born and I don't like the idea that my experiences can dismissed by this tag. Sometimes it can be used to imply that you are only a "proper" parent if you have more than one child. For what it's worth I think I've generally been a fairly relaxed first and only time mother.

Warming wipes? Bath thermometers??? Surely you just use your elbow?

I actually thought I was quite pfb with Ds (now 16) - though I actually agree with Lost and hate the term pfb (as the parent of an only)...

But...for me, pfb meant being a bit prissy over buying only wooden toys, preferring neutral or non-branded clothing, buying properly fitted shoes, doing lots of over the top "look at that bird, Ds. What does a bird say?" kind of stuff, protecting naptimes and all that jazz.

Warming wipes? Well, I never!

dangling my Dh had to talk me out of buying a wipe-warmer. An actual piece of equipment which electronically keeps wipes at an ambient temperature 😁

I have hundreds of examples but one is that every night before dh & I go to bed we sneak into ds (7.5mo) room together and look at him and sniff his head/neck.

We can't go in til the other is ready to go in, has to be together and if one of us is out at our normal bedtime we will text the other to ask how he looked sleeping.

Took the skin prick test first to make sure it didn't hurt.

Ate sauerkraut and other horrible fermented foods to up the probiotics in my breast milk and agonised about gut flora.

Had to stop myself from labelling drawings with early learning goals.

I'm a fucking hoot!

My first only has specially fitted shoes from an independent shoe shop. My second wears the oldest' cast offs. But they are now too worn out to pass on to my third. He will go barefoot.

Anyone else heard of drying baby's bottom with a warm hair dryer... Not me btw.