Kids no longer taught to clean their plates?

[user1489670695]

It's March break, and I've had a couple of my kids' friends over on and off for meals. (ages 11 and 14)

I've noticed they all seem to serve themselves larger portions than they can actually eat (none of that "plating" nonsense in my house!!), so there's a lot of waste food on their plates. I'd noticed that before too, whenever we had kid guests. Lots of uneaten food on their plates. It doubly annoys me as money is tight, I'm a single mom, shopping for and carrying groceries is hard work, etc etc.

There's not much I guess I can do about it (I compost, so that's a bit better than just trashing it)- but just wanted to rant, and ask if you teach your kids to not waste food?

I was raised up to be very conscientious about wasting food and I always nag at my own kids about serving themselves as much as they can eat and eating it all up. I would have thought, in this day and age, with all the stuff about environment and waste and so on, kids would have been taught to be even more careful with wasting food. But apparently not.

I think the problem here is the wording in the op. Everyone has jumped on the idea of 'clearing your plate'. The issue is more greedy / thoughtless children helping themselves to far too much food. And then wasting it. I'd get cross with my 6 year old for that. I don't force him to eat anything, but he's not allowed to be wasteful.

I think that had the op worded her original question differently, she may have had quite different responses.

I think allowing people to choose how much they want of which elements of the meal is nice. People on here have mentioned adults at buffets piling their plates high. In a way, this is exactly why children need to learn not to do that!

@Lapinlapin, yup it seems that "clearing plates" is associated with very unpleasant food memories for people :(

As I say, wasting food was disapproved of growing up in my family, but nobody was actually forced to clear their plates (not sure how that could happen?) - but we were aware that wasting food is wrong, and well, wasteful. :)

So it seems that people growing up under a very strict "clear your plate" regime have now veered into the opposite end and compensating, cheerfully allowing (older) children to pile on their plates with no thought of long and short-term consequence.

We need a middle ground where children are taught about serving and eating appropriately, without turning meal times into battle grounds (and I have seen that too!!!)

Just put less on their plates next time and stop making a drama over nothing.

This is not a first world problem. It is a problem for the whole planet. Children should be taught to treat food with care and respect, to take a little less than they think they want, and then take more if they are still hungry. If they don't want something, they should not be pressured to eat it, but they should understand that food is precious.

All of this can and should be taught along with basic manners when kids are very small.

So I agree with the OP.

I would never try to make someone eat something they don't want, but my kids also are aware that food is precious, and not to be wasted.

Do the friends know they can have seconds? it had never occurred to me that not all children are allowed seconds until one of DS' friends was piling his plate up and I said can you eat what you've got on your plate first please, turns out that even at picnics his parents rules are once you've dished up your plate that is your meal and no one is allowed to serve themselves any more food, so he was putting everything he might possibly want on there. Personally I'd prefer they helped themselves a little at a time so leftover food was still in the serving dishes for someone else to eat later.

I've read a bit of the thread, but if you don't want them to waste food, plate it up. It's not your place to teach other people's kids about portion sizes or food wastage. Either plate it up for them or don't moan when they waste food. It's a very simple solution.

"It's not your place to teach other people's kids about portion sizes or food wastage"- of course I don't do that! IRL, I smile! That is why I am venting about it here! And I don't make drama in my home irl, that is why god invented parenting forums!

What is the nagging supposed to achieve, though, @user1489670695?

No-one can accurately predict how much they are going to want to eat 100% of the time. People are human - they make mistakes. So if your child makes a mistake about how much food they are going to want to eat, do you want them to eat more food than they actually want/need, to avoid being nagged - because that is what I'd do, if the alternative was a lecture on food waste.

I haven't rtft but surely just plate it up for them with a smaller amount??

I don't think you can expect young children to know how much they're going to eat before they start eating it.

A fair amount of work has gone into producing that single mouthful (not just by me, and also by me). I feel they should be conscious of that. So should you.

I really hope you don't literally pressure your kids into over eating, terrible for them in the long term. I am very conscious of not wasting so I tend to eat leftovers for lunch the next day but I'd never risk giving my DC's issues with their eating and food long term for the sake of a few bites of dinner.

Does it really matter. You have cooked the meal anyway. You might have less leftovers but in my experience leftovers often get chucked anyway. Such a first world problem

And if you are bothered. Serve them up a small portion and offer more if the finish it .

You might have less leftovers but in my experience leftovers often get chucked anyway.
Not in my house! Maybe, it's your children that are the problem.

Vent away OP, I just can't understand why you would rather get to a point where you have to vent rather than just plating up. If you know food is going to be wasted and want to avoid it, then avoid it. That way you're happy and the kids are still fed. Job done.

OP - I made a conscious choice with my kids never to force them to clear their plates.

If you talk to people with weight issues, many of them will tell you that they were brought up to clear their plates, finish everythign, don't waste food etc, and it has not helped them at all with weight loss.

I don't want my kids to be wasteful, I also want them to learn to listen to their bodies, and stop eating when they are full.

I have never plated up food. Food goes on table in dishes, I usually serve the main dish (eg lasagna) and ask, is that enough? More? less? to them or guests as I serve.

They help themselves to veg/potatoes etc, but veg is not negotiable!

the rule is they have to eat enough. So 2 mouthfuls isn't a meal. Eating everything except the veg isn't a meal. Not eating everything because you are full is fine.

They are taught to take a bit less and come bacl for more rather than waste, but they often leave food if they hve had enough.

It has been mentioned earlier but could these kids be from a culture where clearing your plate is disrespectful to the host? In some cultures it is considered rude to eat everything as it implies the host did not provide enough food. I found this out I'm what in retrospect was a slapstick routine where I cleared my plate of my aunt in laws cooking so she put more on, I cleared it again, she put more on thinking she hasn't given me enoughI ate it all, this was repeated about 8 times before my husband saved me!

If that's not the case just put less in the serving dishes. We always cook two meals worth of food at once but the leftovers go straight in the fridge for the next day's lunches before the rest of the food goes on the table.

I don't force them to clean their plates, no. I'm not always able to finish a meal therefore I don't expect they always will. That being said I do plate up food & tend to ask how hungry they are before putting it on their plates so it's rare they don't finish it all. They're quite good when serving themselves though, at parties or barbecues say, and rarley put more on their plates than they can eat.

You don't serve your guests their dinner?

I wouldn't dream of handing the serving spoon round! It seems a bit rude to be honest.

@Lapinlapin, yup it seems that "clearing plates" is associated with very unpleasant food memories for people sad

Yep as you'll probably find out yourself in time.

It took me a long time to convince myself that eating food I don't want or need is no less wasteful than throwing it into the compost bin. It's still a work in progress. I want my son to understand this from the outset.

Serve up respectable but not excessive portions, then offer second helpings to anyone who has cleared their plate. Don't stress out if guests waste a bit of food; that's their prerogative and, other than helping them to start with sensible portions on their plates, there's nothing within the bounds of hospitality that you can do about it.

I spent a year in an Eating disorders unit alongside a lot of people who had been taught not to waste food and discouraged from listening to their hunger and fullness signals.

It seems to me that the issue is not about food waste but about people not serving food in the way that you deem to be acceptable.

Most of us seem to be able to manage to serve appropriate amounts of food to our families without masses of waste (waste includes the wasted resources needed to deal with all the extra dishes etc), but that seems to be unacceptable to you because when kids come to your house they don't eat everything you put out for them (not that you'd save it anyway because someone might have sneezed on it). Doesn't make much sense, so it seems to me that your options are:

1. allow them to pick and eat one thing at a time from the serving dish until they are no longer hungry
2. get a Labrador (no waste in this house)

Also - macaroni cheese and fish fingers? Are you on drugs?!

We rarely have completely clear plates here. We serve ourselves from dishes.

What's the problem with plating out of interest?

I probably serve my lot the main dish and let them serve themselves the veg and accompanying bits. Seems to work and they tend to eat up what they put on their plates. I do that because they eat like horses and there wouldn't be enough otherwise. We never really have waste if they're all at home.

If the DCs friends are round I'd probably always plate the food because I've found younger kids can be a bit suspicious and fussy about other people's food. It would always be smaller portions and I always say - don't worry about leaving it if you don't like it. Perhaps they're just not keen on what you've cooked OP.

Splodgeinc - slapstick eating routine

Similar sort of thing happened to us in Sri Lanka - we kept finishing our food - and more would be served onto our plates which was politely eaten and more served and so on and so on.....