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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Taking back the wine

153 replies

Porpoiselife · 16/03/2017 11:02

We had a couple of friends over for dinner at the weekend and they brought a bottle of white and a bottle of red wine with them. I had already got some wine in but we ended up drinking their white wine and also opened the red but only about a glass was drank from it.

At the end of the evening as they were leaving she says 'thanks for a lovely evening, oh i'll take our wine, we can enjoy that tomorrow' chuckle chuckle. I was a bit errrr ok, so they left with the rest of their wine.

AIBU to think that's a bit odd? More so as it was opened, but even if it wasn't opened surely you don't take it with you when you leave?

OP posts:

ClashCityRocker · 18/03/2017 18:59

Or wine.

ClashCityRocker · 18/03/2017 19:02

Why is it unsociable if everyone's drinking their own drink? Should the non-wine drinkers be forced to drink wine in order for it to be more sociable? I mean, how sociable does it get?
Why is 'I'm getting another drink, does anyone else want one while I'm up?' particulalry less sociable than saying 'does anyone want another glass of wine?'

Soon2bmummyto2 · 18/03/2017 19:05

Sounds a bit stingy wouldn't take back a bottle of wine I'd taken for the hosts as a gift 😳

SailAwaySailAwaySailAway · 18/03/2017 19:06

Cringe. I'm for them

MrsHathaway · 18/03/2017 19:07

It's times like you think What Would Jilly Cooper do?

Finish the wine, obviously.

I went to a dinner party last night. I knew there would be bread but I'd forgotten to tell the hostess that I'm off it for Lent, so I brought an alternative not nearly as nice. I also brought fresh scones and a new jar of naice jam as I'd said I'd bring pudding.

When I left I took the rest of my weird substitute bread that nobody else had touched and otherwise have been thrown away, but left the uneaten scones and the half-full jar of naice jam. If it hadn't been such close friends I wouldn't have brought the substitute and therefore wouldn't have taken anything home.

You don't expect to take your wine home unless it won't be drunk (eg the hosts are generally teetotal or pregnant or something).

The flowers analogy is great

Whoopsnow81 · 18/03/2017 19:10

Very weird and rude.

However echo an earlier poster - they mightn't have had any in and they've taken it home to finish off?

Whoopsnow81 · 18/03/2017 19:11

Also, yes it's a gift. Not to drink.

SauvignonBlanche · 18/03/2017 19:14

Very bad form!

Rioja123 · 18/03/2017 19:16

Cringe.

Hassled · 18/03/2017 19:19

That's bloody tight. And weird. I've once forced some friends to take the 3rd bottle of wine they'd bought back home with them but I really had to work on it.

Delatron · 18/03/2017 19:21

I just don't get the idea that everyone brings their own drink (be it wine, coke, beer, gin) then what? They sit there and drink only that and nothing else then take it home?

Of course not everyone might be drinking wine. They way I understand it works: host gets in lots of drinks; wine, beer, soft drinks, spirits. Guests turn up with bottle of something and maybe a gift. All gets put together. Guests are offered drinks throughout the night this could be the wine they brought or drinks that the hosts provided. Nobody takes anything home!!

amberdillyduck · 18/03/2017 19:22

Wine that you take to a dinner party is a gift for the host and not to be drunk during the meal.

It is basic etiquette.

amberdillyduck · 18/03/2017 19:24

i believe that reaaaaally posh etiquette dictates that, as a host, you're supposed to open the guest's bottle before any of your own.

No- you don't open the wine the guest brings at all as it is a gift.

FumBluff1 · 18/03/2017 19:28

My sister and finance do this. Really grates on me!

DrAbbyYates · 18/03/2017 19:31

I believe that reaaaaally posh etiquette dictates that, as a host, you're supposed to open the guest's bottle before any of your own. I have a friend who is quite high up at a posh, old university and who always brings something special 'from the cellars'... obviously, the intention is for it to be shared amongst the assembled crew, not for my own personal consumption later on! (Sadly, I have to say, my cooking does not live up to these bottles!)

No, not really. The host chooses wine to match the food being served and, if they wish, guests can bring a bottle as a gift for the host. Guests should not expect their wine to be drunk that evening. The exception would be if the guest asked what they could bring and the host said, 'ah, how kind. We are having fish pie. Could you bring a bottle to go with it?'.

I'm afraid your friend doesn't like your wine and is bringing something that he likes instead...

Whoopsnow81 · 18/03/2017 19:32

Ooh I feel quite like to know the proper posh etiquette now.

TheSilveryPussycat · 18/03/2017 19:36

Was it plonk and all they could afford? Was the wine you provided a better one? Maybe they were embarrassed, and also (at the very least), had cash flow problems...

Of course cash flow problems seem better with

Cherrysoup · 18/03/2017 19:42

Vvv poor manners, IMO. I take wine for the host, but the host almost invariably opens and offers it round, same as I do if guests bring stuff.

IamViolet · 18/03/2017 19:48

My (almost) 18 year old and his friends do this. 🍷

ZogsAnon · 18/03/2017 19:48

Oh dear, if we have visitors I send them away with the left over drinks. We live in a small flat and don't drink very often. Don't want it cluttering up my kitchen till the next guests come.

Grilledaubergines · 18/03/2017 19:50

God that's so embarrassingly stingy.

When you next go to theirs, take them a book on social etiquette.

bunnylove99 · 18/03/2017 20:02

Yanbu OP. It was bad manners of your guests to take their wine home. Only exception I can think of is if you in some way criticised the wine itself so they thought you certainly wouldn't finish it. However I'm far more alarmed MrsHathaway at anyone thinking scones and jam might be an acceptable dessert. I'm sure your scones are delicous and would have been lovely for afternoon tea, elevenses or possibly at lunch but evening dessert?! Never in a million years... I would weep and wonder where your trifle, cheesecake, pavlova, tiramisu, sticky toffee pudding, chocolate mousse was.

ClashCityRocker · 18/03/2017 20:30

Jesus this etiquette thing is a minefield!

So, I'm meant to buy in whatever my guests want to drink, and enough for the night, regardless of whether or not I'd drink it. And in exchange I get bottles of wine?

Do you guys all have a rota or something over whose turn it is to host? The one and only time I've provided all drinks was after a rather large racing win and a somewhat impromptu after party - and that cost a good couple of hundred quid for wine, spirits and beer - the latter two neither dh or I drink so not even a perk there.

We tend to have friends over to ours more than anyone else as our house is in the most convenient location and large enough. We do have plenty of wine in usually, but other than that guests just tend to bring what they want to drink with them.

I think I may be mentally still a student. Nontheless, it works well for us - certainly more than paying £00's for drink in exchange for a bottle of wine. And if they haven't drunk their drink, why not take it home?

in the case of the op, if they hadn't been drinking the wine the op provided, they maybe hadn't bought it as a gift but for personal consumption/to share with the group. In which case they are a bit out of order for not bringing the host a gift.

If they'd been drinking the op's wine and presented their wine as a gift I agree it's tight to take it home, particularly as its already been opened.

tallulahturtle · 18/03/2017 21:29

Poor form

Original poster

Porpoiselife · 18/03/2017 21:37

To answer a few questions, yes they drank our wine. We didn't insult theirs, I had the glass out of it , they are not poor, they didn't bring a gift (other than the wine).

To reiterate, they are nice people and I think will be very good friends and I'm not annoyed with them. Just found it a bit odd and wondered if this was the norm!

OP posts:

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