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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Taking back the wine

153 replies

Porpoiselife · 16/03/2017 11:02

We had a couple of friends over for dinner at the weekend and they brought a bottle of white and a bottle of red wine with them. I had already got some wine in but we ended up drinking their white wine and also opened the red but only about a glass was drank from it.

At the end of the evening as they were leaving she says 'thanks for a lovely evening, oh i'll take our wine, we can enjoy that tomorrow' chuckle chuckle. I was a bit errrr ok, so they left with the rest of their wine.

AIBU to think that's a bit odd? More so as it was opened, but even if it wasn't opened surely you don't take it with you when you leave?

OP posts:

StinginBelle13 · 16/03/2017 13:36

Everyone I know does it! Seriously, is this really such a frowned upon thing?!

We always end up having takeaway when we go for meals with friends, Imperial, and I always pay for my meal.

shovetheholly · 16/03/2017 13:38

You take special wine to someone's house as a thank you to your hosts for the food, and to share. It's not solely for your own consumption - that's just weird and selfish and antisocial! The whole point of it is the social ritual of splitting a bottle between you.

I believe that reaaaaally posh etiquette dictates that, as a host, you're supposed to open the guest's bottle before any of your own. I have a friend who is quite high up at a posh, old university and who always brings something special 'from the cellars'... obviously, the intention is for it to be shared amongst the assembled crew, not for my own personal consumption later on! (Sadly, I have to say, my cooking does not live up to these bottles!)

StinginBelle13 · 16/03/2017 13:40

Weird, selfish and antisocial? For taking wine so I don't drink any of the host's?

I live worlds apart to some of you MNs, and frankly I'm thankful given how judgemental you can be over something this trivial.

Aeroflotgirl · 16/03/2017 13:41

Very tight, how much is it for a bottle, under £5 at times. I can't imagine them breaking open the Moet somehow.

StinginBelle13 · 16/03/2017 13:42

Agree to disagree. But I'm out of here; weird, selfish and anti-social for paying for my own wine and drinking my own wine. I must be the spawn of Satan for such cruel and vicious crimes. Jeez!

kel1493 · 16/03/2017 13:43

I wouldn't do that personally. If it was not finished, I'd leave it for the host to enjoy, as a thank you for having us gesture (and if it was drunk while there were there it would be gone, so not sure what difference it made

Floggingmolly · 16/03/2017 13:44

Well, if your friends invite you round for a meal which turns out to be takeaway and you pay for your own, it's possibly quite a bit different to other people's experiences, Stingin?

Jjou · 16/03/2017 13:46

It's not 'trivial' though, it's just social etiquette. You don't take 'your' drink home with you afterwards, opened or unopened. It's rude!

IamFriedSpam · 16/03/2017 13:51

StinginBelle13 If that's the social norm amongst your friends then you're not mean to go along with it (t's what we all did as students) but it isn't the generally accepted social norm so if you move out of your circle then it would be considered rude and mean to not bring a bottle of wine for the host (i.e. not for you to take away with you at the end of the night).

bakingdiva · 16/03/2017 13:51

I do this at my mums (and only there) because we drink red and she's allergic to it, so there is no point leaving it. Other than that, no way!

Oblomov17 · 16/03/2017 13:51

They bought 2 bottles. A red and a white.

You all drank the white. And opened up their red, but only had one glass. You all also drank 2 bottles of your wine.

So you had 3 bottles of wine, opened the 4th, but only 1 person had one glass from it?

And she proceeded to take the 4th bottle home? Odd. But, I suppose she did bring 2 bottles in the first place.

QueenofallIsee · 16/03/2017 13:52

I would think it rude, though I would never say so. Similarly, it is rude when someone brings something foodie/drink as a contribution(rather than a gift) and to keep for yourself if you are hosting. I have had both happen - I bought some port for after dinner, it was whisked out of sight and never seen again and I have hosted people who ate my out of house and home but still cling filmed up half a punnet of strawberries that were left and took them home.

My fave is a mate of mine who hosted a dinner party, 3 courses, drinks laid on etc. She served coffee in living room and 2 of the guests whipped a carrier bag out of the hall and started eating a family bag of doritos with salsa each as well as a big dairy milk bar. No offer to share (not that anyone wanted to as we had just eaten a full on meal inc dessert and cheese course). So odd.

acornsandnuts · 16/03/2017 13:53

I went to a gathering hosted by an ex colleague, she labelled the wine with peoples name who brought it and we were asked to just help ouselves to our own wine. There was a line of about twenty each labeled. What was left at the end was given back to us. Weird night that was.

Original poster

Porpoiselife · 16/03/2017 13:56

Belle I wasn't irate about it, or even annoyed. Just a bit perplexed. If you are going to someones house for a takeaway and paying for that yourself thats entirely different to going to someones for a home cooked meal.

Although I have to say if we were meeting up with friends at their house and all chipping in for a takeaway, I'd still take wine to share!

OP posts:

StinginBelle13 · 16/03/2017 13:58

If I were to go to a meal where I wasn't overly familiar with the hosts or where I hadn't already told them I would take me own to drink myself then I wouldn't dream of asking for the wine back, but I've never been in that situation and wouldn't take offence if someone did it to me.

StinginBelle13 · 16/03/2017 13:59

I wasn't talking about you being irate, Porpoise, more the people who took it upon themselves to call me rude and selfish.

bialystockandbloom · 16/03/2017 14:00

Well, trivial it might seem stinging but manners maketh the man and all that

stoopido · 16/03/2017 14:02

No I wouldn't consider this. I do know someone who does do it though.
If people bring bottles of wine with them I ask them if they'd like a glass of that or one that's already opened or something else.

GallivantingWildebeest · 16/03/2017 14:03

Rude, rude, rude.

It's a host present. You can't take back the food they've eaten; why should they take back the wine??

Yellowbird54321 · 16/03/2017 14:03

I have a friend who, on more than one occasion, has brought a bottle of wine already opened and only two thirds full - I'm a bit about that to be honest.

bialystockandbloom · 16/03/2017 14:03

acorns that is utterly brilliantly bonkers

roarityroar · 16/03/2017 14:04

Very rude. But I don't understand this concept of undrunk wine... never happened with my friends

bialystockandbloom · 16/03/2017 14:05

I'm starting to love this thread, it's like pombears all over again

dustarr73 · 16/03/2017 14:09

If you have a takeaway and bring your own lager it's fine to bring any back. But if you go for a meal in someone's 🏠 don't take back the 🍷 you brought as it's rude.

MusicToMyEars800 · 16/03/2017 14:09

bialystockandbloom i'm relatively ne to MN joined in oct last year, I've heard pombears mentioned a few times on here.... would you enlighten me please

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