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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Taking back the wine

153 replies

Porpoiselife · 16/03/2017 11:02

We had a couple of friends over for dinner at the weekend and they brought a bottle of white and a bottle of red wine with them. I had already got some wine in but we ended up drinking their white wine and also opened the red but only about a glass was drank from it.

At the end of the evening as they were leaving she says 'thanks for a lovely evening, oh i'll take our wine, we can enjoy that tomorrow' chuckle chuckle. I was a bit errrr ok, so they left with the rest of their wine.

AIBU to think that's a bit odd? More so as it was opened, but even if it wasn't opened surely you don't take it with you when you leave?

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 16/03/2017 13:07

Areyoufree, is that something you'd do?

I think it's really bad manners but there must be people on MN who do this, because there are so many complaints made by others about it.

Come on, own up - who does it?

StinginBelle13 · 16/03/2017 13:07

When I take a bottle of wine somewhere I take it for myself to enjoy so I don't dig in to what the hosts have in. I also wouldn't expect someone to bring wine to my house and leave it behind, they paid for it and unless obviously given as a gift, it's their's to do with as they please. It isn't stingy, weird or rude. If they want to take back what they have rightfully paid for, how is that a problem?

IamFriedSpam · 16/03/2017 13:09

StinginBelle13 Because the social norm is that the wine you bring is a gift not for you to drink on your own! They've provided you with a meal and probably other drinks so taking your wine away with you is stingy in the extreme. No one is suggesting they're not within their legal rights just that's it's very stingy!

SeamstressfromTreacleMineRoad · 16/03/2017 13:12

I'd ask people if they wanted to take 'their' red wine home - but only because I'm allergic to red (makes me go all red and itchy - with attractive raised red patches all over my neck and arms - lovely!) White wine is fine, so I'd hang on to that... Blush

StinginBelle13 · 16/03/2017 13:13

But I tell them beforehand that I will bring my own drinks, I've never known anyone not to take their drinks with them and I've never known anyone to be offended by it, in fact, everyone I know makes sure I don't forget it!

I think it's stingier that people get arsey because guests didn't leave the wine they had bought behind for the hosts to enjoy later on!

dustarr73 · 16/03/2017 13:15

And anyway why would the hosts offer back wine with a mouthful in it.Thats weird.
It's not something I would do,if i bring wine to a dinner party it's a thank you for the hosts.

ARumWithAView · 16/03/2017 13:16

StinginBelle are you in the UK? The scenario you're describing (guest bringing their own bottle, drinking from it, and taking the remnants home) sound more like a student party or BYO restaurant.

StinginBelle13 · 16/03/2017 13:18

Yes I am. The scenario I'm describing is what I do personally, what is socially the 'norm' for certain occasions. I've never known anyone to have a problem with people taking their wine home! People will make an issue our of anything!

shovetheholly · 16/03/2017 13:19

Whaaaat? No way! Super rude and mean! You take wine as a gift.

Original poster
Porpoiselife · 16/03/2017 13:19

I've never even considered taking wine home again when I've been out to other peoples houses for dinner. We take it for the meal, not just for us. Sometimes it gets opened but sometimes not, but doesn't bother me either way. If it doesn't get opened that night the hosts can enjoy it another time and it usually means we've been drinking wine that they bought so swings and roundabouts.

I just thought it quite odd, but seems like quite a few people do it!

OP posts:
SpringSpringSpring · 16/03/2017 13:20

It reminds me of being a student where people took their own drinks to parties and only drank that.

As an adult, I have never come across this, you take the wine as a gift which they may/may not open to share.

StinginBelle13 · 16/03/2017 13:21

Super rude and mean? To buy wine for my own consumption so I can drink as much as I want from it without feeling guilty about drinking what the hosts have bought? Honestly do not see what the problem is, I wouldn't even begin to feel offended if someone asked for their wine to take back with them!

MusicToMyEars800 · 16/03/2017 13:24

I don't get people that do this either.... I once had a friend round for lunch we picked up the ingredients on the way back to mine, I paid for a few bits and she paid for some too, we had jacket potatoes with tuna and salad etc, she took half a red onion back with her and half a tin of tuna along with the remaining salad Grin I found it very strange, and it's not because she was short of food either because I had been to hers the day before when she had lots of food shopping delivered!

Floggingmolly · 16/03/2017 13:24

It may be socially the norm amongst your particular friends, Stingin, but it certainly isn't in the wider world.

seafoodeatit · 16/03/2017 13:26

How very odd and tight of them, what if it hadn't been opened? it just makes it seem as if they took a drink for themselves rather than as a gift or to be shared.

GoodnightSeattle · 16/03/2017 13:27

Belle but why does this logic only apply to the drink? Why not the food, why don't you bring your own meal so you can eat as much as you want without feeling guilty? How is it different?

Original poster
Porpoiselife · 16/03/2017 13:27

We are definately not students! All in our forties Smile It is the first time I have come across this in all our years of dinner parties!

OP posts:
ARumWithAView · 16/03/2017 13:28

So you take a bottle, hand it to the host for uncorking (if necessary), then sit there pouring yourself refills all evening before closing the bottle and taking it home? Unless you have very specific alcohol requirements, that's bizarre.

Come on, own up - who does it?

I am guilty of the going-home bottle-grab once. I was still a student and misjudged the occasion; in retrospect, it was more a dinner party than a party party. I picked up my unopened bottle on the way out, but the worst thing is that it wasn't actually my (shitty) wine - it was a much nicer one. So I inflicted my £3 wine on the hosts and then stole their good stuff.

bialystockandbloom · 16/03/2017 13:28

Extraordinary for anyone other than students. It's insulting. Wine is a thank you to the host for having you for dinner.

bialystockandbloom · 16/03/2017 13:32

Rum that's forgivable, you were a student. I remember going to parties (not dinner parties) as a teenager and we used to scour the room for half finished glasses to decant into our own Grin

StinginBelle13 · 16/03/2017 13:32

I understand that it isn't the norm in the 'wider world' but why should I be called super mean and rude for doing it when no one I know seems to take offence?

RumWithAView, no, I don't hand it to the guest to uncork and then hand back to me. I do it myself, I'm quite capable.

People will pick and judge others for absolutely anything! Why feel so angered that someone took a bottle of wine, that they had bought, home with them?! Do you have nothing better to get irate about?

ImperialBlether · 16/03/2017 13:32

Stingin, so if you go for a meal and it's accepted you're taking your own wine, do you take a gift for the hosts?

BerylStreep · 16/03/2017 13:34

Stingin I think you may be in the minority. I honestly can't think of a time in adulthood when anyone has brought wine home with them after being invited for a meal.

I had a male friend who would bring home unopened tins of beer with him when he was barely out of student years, and even then it was noticed and frowned upon. (I'm talking about him bringing 4 tins with him for a night, and bringing one tin home with him Hmm)

Do you think the fact that other people actually remind you to bring your drink home with you is because they find it equally odd, but that's just what Stingin does kind of way?

Thegirlinthefireplace · 16/03/2017 13:34

I would never do it and find it cringy but like a pp I have a lovely friend who does this and she also tries to get me to take home anything leftover I bring to hers so it's not a tightness thing but perhaps a need to be excruciatingly fair?

StinginBelle13 · 16/03/2017 13:34

And to clarify, I make it clear beforehand that I will bring my own to drink and never have I known anyone to find it bizarre! They are more than accepting of it, and again, I've never known anyone to not offer the unfinished wine to take back with me if I don't ask for it.

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