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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Taking back the wine

153 replies

Porpoiselife · 16/03/2017 11:02

We had a couple of friends over for dinner at the weekend and they brought a bottle of white and a bottle of red wine with them. I had already got some wine in but we ended up drinking their white wine and also opened the red but only about a glass was drank from it.

At the end of the evening as they were leaving she says 'thanks for a lovely evening, oh i'll take our wine, we can enjoy that tomorrow' chuckle chuckle. I was a bit errrr ok, so they left with the rest of their wine.

AIBU to think that's a bit odd? More so as it was opened, but even if it wasn't opened surely you don't take it with you when you leave?

OP posts:

Zaphodsotherhead · 16/03/2017 14:10

Where do people stand on non-alcoholic drinks?

I don't (can't) drink wine, so, if attending a dinner party, I tend to take my own elderflower cordial or similar, because people often don't think about the non-drinkers and the only alternative offered is a glass of water. I've been known to take my bottle of cordial home again at the end of the evening (because everyone else thinks it tastes like cat piss), but I'd always leave any additional 'gifts' (I usually take chocolates or wine as well).

StinginBelle13 · 16/03/2017 14:12

Why is it different for lager compared to wine, dustarr?

TheRealPooTroll · 16/03/2017 14:16

You were both being unreasonable imo. The etiquette at every dinner party I've been to is that the host asks the guests if they want to take home any left over drinks they brought with them and the guests politely decline. It wouldn't bother me if my guests did want to take anything back with them though as I rarely drink at home (aside from occasions like dinner parties) as my dh is usually working and I'm looking after the children. So if someone left most of a bottle if red it would likely go to waste.

dustarr73 · 16/03/2017 14:22

Stinge was talking about takeaway.Plus i wouldn't do it all the time.If it's something i only drink i would offer to leave it.Most people tell you to take it.If it was lager and we where all drinking it i would leave it there.

Dinner parties are more posh so better manners are required

Cantseethewoods · 16/03/2017 14:28

i believe that reaaaaally posh etiquette dictates that, as a host, you're supposed to open the guest's bottle before any of your own. not quite- if the guest's wine is better than what you planned to serve, you should serve theirs first. Otherwise you should serve your's. The logic is that the guest should get the best of what there is available and you shouldn't squirrel away their decent stuff and serve them up some Echo Falls.

bialystockandbloom · 16/03/2017 14:32

musictomyears here's the original pombears thread. Enjoy

bialystockandbloom · 16/03/2017 14:34

It's times like you think What Would Jilly Cooper do?

bialystockandbloom · 16/03/2017 14:35

times like this, I meant

bialystockandbloom · 16/03/2017 14:39

zaphods I think that's different - it's specifically your cordial, not brought as a gift to share. Almost like taking your own medicine or something. I was once at a lunch party where one of the guests was on a particular diet and brought her own weird shit food.

Though of course a really good host would know this about you and get in some cordial in advance

Cromwell1536 · 16/03/2017 14:51

Shrill, much, Stinging?! It seems that the dinner invitations you are talking about that always 'end up as takeaways and I pay for my own food' aren't the same scenario that the OP is talking about at all. That situation is one where the OP is a host in the sense that not only are you in my house, you are consuming food and drink that I prepared/provided. In such circumstances, it is normal to bring the host a gift - might be wine, or flowers, or chocolates (although there are some codes of etiquette that would frown upon all these things - in which circles, a Hermes scarf or a Tiffany trinket might be suitable) - and you would NOT take away the gift at the end of the evening. You seem to be describing a more casual, student-house sort of set-up where someone says 'Let's get together at mine to eat on Friday. Maybe get a curry?' and people pitch up with whatever they fancy drinking, ready to pay for their own. Very nice too, but not the situation the OP was describing, I think.

MusicToMyEars800 · 16/03/2017 14:52

bialystockandbloom that is quite possibly one of the funniest threads I've ever read on here.

Original poster

Porpoiselife · 16/03/2017 15:43

Zaphodsotherhead Thats totally acceptable in my view and quite different. I did have a party once where someone arrived with their specific fizzy water as they didn't drink and they brought the water for themselves because of that. (and assumed I wouldn't have that specific brand in). They also brought some lovely flowers and some wine 'for the table' They did take the water back with them but that just felt totally normal and not at all because it was specifically theirs I suppose.

OP posts:

Delatron · 16/03/2017 16:36

It's just so weird. You sit there sipping your own wine (what is everyone else drinking?) then take it home with you??
Even when we do takeaway nights, friends pitch up with a bottle or two, we'll provide lots plus gin/beer etc. Must be really awkward and unsociable everyone sat there with their own bottle. I don't think I even did this as a student.

However, when a meal is being cooked for you then the wine is a gift (like flowers) therefore it becomes rude to take it home.

JoeyJoeJoeJuniorShabadu · 16/03/2017 17:33

Its mean and rude. Some people have no shame.

ClemDanfango · 18/03/2017 18:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 18/03/2017 18:27

I'd have thought it would depend on who drank the glass of wine out of the bottle. If they thought that you didn't like the wine, then why not take it home. Would have been better to ask ipwhether you we're going to drink it not, though

PuppyMonkey · 18/03/2017 18:29

Baffled by the concept of leftover wine.

GrumpyOldBag · 18/03/2017 18:31

YANBU.

very bad manners.

EastMidsMummy · 18/03/2017 18:35

It's as mean as fuck.

it's not a tightness thing but perhaps a need to be excruciatingly fair?

Being excruciatingly fair is also, paradoxically, as mean as fuck. You should be absurdly generous with your friends and guests, not scrupulously fair.

ArriettyClock1 · 18/03/2017 18:36

Really, hideously tight and dreadful manners too.

BBCNewsRave · 18/03/2017 18:48

I lived in another town for a couple of years in my mid 20s and was stunned to discover people doing this... I remember cringing as my housemate said to departing dinner guests "Oh, you've left your wine behind..." and they were "Er... no, it's for you". They were also from another area! But everyone was doing it - not sure if it was regional (NE England) or of people were still in the "student party" mindset.

ClashCityRocker · 18/03/2017 18:55

Depends if the wines a host gift or not.

I must go to low class parties, because every one I go to is a BYOB affair. So I'd get the host wine and bring my own to drink, not expecting her to pay for wine for everyone. Must admit, I'd leave something that had already been opened, but unopened ones I'll take.

ClashCityRocker · 18/03/2017 18:57

Unopened ones that I'd brought. If it makes a difference, there's not that many wine drinkers in my friendship group - and a few that can't stand wine. To cater for them all would be expensive I think.

thatsthewayitgoes · 18/03/2017 18:58

We have "friends" who do this. Once we were having a roast and invited them over. They said they had a chicken that needed cooking so would bring this to add to ours. When they left to leave they took the leftover chicken for their sandwiches the next day. We were astounded having provided a full roast, starter and pudding and they brought bugger all else... Still a joke in our household x

ClashCityRocker · 18/03/2017 18:59

And to add, I do take something for the host. Usually a dish.

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