To want rid of upstairs neighbour

[ChrisYoungFuckingRocks]

I live in a ground floor flat with a garden. There are two floors above me. A young girl with SN moved into the top (3rd floor flat) a few months ago. She is making all our lives a misery. She has three carers a day, and a sleep-in carer at night. I used to be a support worker for people with learning difficulties, so I am fully aware of what it can be like. However, they can't seem to control her.

She deliberately throws cigarette butts into my garden. I have to pick up 20-40 butts every day. My DD has ASD with pica, and I'm worried one of those butts are going to end up in her mouth. She throws milk and cream all over the middle neighbour's balcony and my patio. She treats me garden like her personal rubbish bin. She sits in the communal areas smoking with her friends (with a clear NO SMOKING sign right there), and leaves butts everywhere. The other day the neighbours stopped her throwing things at my car, and told me it looked like she was trying to break my car window. Neigbours had to call the police the other night as she was sitting in the middle of the road. And last night the final straw - she threw chinese takout all over my patio and garden. My garden is covered in sticky rice and other food.

The estate agents won't give out the LLs name or number (data protection). The carers won't give out any information as they have to protect their client's privacy. Her behaviour is getting worse and the carers can't or won't try to control it. The LL is by all accounts an arsehole who charges a huge amount rent (for the area) and will rent it out to anyone who can pay.

AIBU to want her out? I honestly don't think she has the capacity to live alone - she belongs in a home. And I don't say this lightly. Who can I contact, and WWYD?

Quoted from the post in question: The lady she lived with went mental if we were one minute late.

And the other : but you cannot physically restrain and hold them down when they're going mental and running havoc.

OK, I missed that one, sorry. I admit it was the wrong thing to say. Again though, I was chatting to people on MN and meant no offense.

Question though - if someone is running around, banging their head against walls, throwing things around, and behaving in such a way that the police need to be called to restrain her - how would you classify that behaviour? Slightly naughty? A bit disruptive?

Do you think of that as naughty behaviour? In an adult? Do you think it's intentional or outwith the patient's control?

Your training really should be covering this for you.

I am asking what word you would use to describe behaviour like that to someone else, to try and get them to understand how bad it was.

I would most likely refer to it as a meltdown, being aware that the behaviour is out of their control. I would put emphasis on the fact that this woman (note, not a 'young girl' as per your OP) was struggling hideously, not behaving so.

As someone who has worked with people as a support worker before, you should definitely know that we refer to behaviour like you've described above as "challenging behaviour" or "behaviour that challenges"

I know all this, and I would never use language or words like this in a professional setting.

I guess this whole thing has highlighted how carelessly we speak in 'normal' conversation. People speak to each other like this all the time, and that was what I was doing, just chatting to 'friends'. But it has made me, and hopefully others, think about how we say things, and perhaps think more carefully before we just blurt things out.

I want to apologise again to anyone I have unintentionally offended. I assure you all that I meant nothing bad by it, and didn't mean to cause any upset.

Just a question - can all of you honestly tell me you've never used the words 'went mental' or 'going mental' in conversation?

You gave examples and asked "how would you classify that behaviour" - but you should know how to classify that behaviour, as a previous support worker. It's also one thing to use derogatory language in your own home with people you know, and another to post it online

I am going to ask for this thread to be removed, as it's getting nobody anywhere and has turned into personal attack on me. It really doesn't matter what I say or whether or not I apologise, you've made up your minds that I'm an evil, wicked person who doesn't give a damn about anyone. And I'm not, I assure you. But you won't want to believe that.

The important thing is the lady upstairs is hopefully going to get the help she needs, and not put me and my DDs in danger any more.