To want rid of upstairs neighbour

[ChrisYoungFuckingRocks]

I live in a ground floor flat with a garden. There are two floors above me. A young girl with SN moved into the top (3rd floor flat) a few months ago. She is making all our lives a misery. She has three carers a day, and a sleep-in carer at night. I used to be a support worker for people with learning difficulties, so I am fully aware of what it can be like. However, they can't seem to control her.

She deliberately throws cigarette butts into my garden. I have to pick up 20-40 butts every day. My DD has ASD with pica, and I'm worried one of those butts are going to end up in her mouth. She throws milk and cream all over the middle neighbour's balcony and my patio. She treats me garden like her personal rubbish bin. She sits in the communal areas smoking with her friends (with a clear NO SMOKING sign right there), and leaves butts everywhere. The other day the neighbours stopped her throwing things at my car, and told me it looked like she was trying to break my car window. Neigbours had to call the police the other night as she was sitting in the middle of the road. And last night the final straw - she threw chinese takout all over my patio and garden. My garden is covered in sticky rice and other food.

The estate agents won't give out the LLs name or number (data protection). The carers won't give out any information as they have to protect their client's privacy. Her behaviour is getting worse and the carers can't or won't try to control it. The LL is by all accounts an arsehole who charges a huge amount rent (for the area) and will rent it out to anyone who can pay.

AIBU to want her out? I honestly don't think she has the capacity to live alone - she belongs in a home. And I don't say this lightly. Who can I contact, and WWYD?

Nope, because I didn't say they were. I said the language was based on capacity not age.

Exactly!

My grandmother was mentally Ill. She was fine when she was in a "Psychiatric Hospital" knowing that she woke up at 7.30am with breakfast at 8.30am, Mondays was cold meat and mash, Tuesdays was four fishfingers chips & peas etc. I believe that "care in the community" killed her. She needed the routine that hospital gave her. "Freedom" scared her, she couldn't cope with decisions.

Some people need to be looked after.

She should be in a home bought me to tears. I have sons with disabilities and the thought of someone saying that about them is really so upsetting - most of all because I know that people DO say and think that.

But I hope things get sorted out for you soon and both you and your family AND the girl you talk of can live in harmony and peace. Good luck.

I don't think "went mental" is a great phrase to be using OP.

I don't think "went mental" is a great phrase to be using OP.

Oops, sorry. I guess that was the wrong thing to say. As you well know though, I meant it just as a way of speech, and no offense intended. Although this woman did start shouting and screaming, ranting and raving, and shouting at the service user .

I have sons with disabilities and the thought of someone saying that about them is really so upsetting

I meant no offense Palm. Your son is lucky to have you to support him. Fact is though, many people are not that lucky, and a lot of disabled people get abandoned by their families and are totally reliant on the state to support them, either in homes or living on their own with carers. A lot of my service users were very unhappy because their family never even bothered sending them a birthday card.

I don't understand families that do that :( it's not easy having a child with significant disabilities but they are still your child and I've never felt any differently about my daughter with disabilities to my son's without. I love them all the same. I couldn't imagine not visiting her, especially because of the situation you are living in with this vulnerable girl. It's inappropriate and God knows what other scenarios could happen. There are some very predatory people out there who target people like this, as you'll know all too well :(

I know Owl, it's very sad. In one of the worst cases I've worked with (not giving details), she was adopted as a young girl (after being abandoned by her family) specifically to be abused. She had more than 5 children with her 'dad', and they all got taken into care. She was not in a good place 😢.

I've heard of similar Chris unfortunately :(

Thread has moved a lot and I hope op has been able to contact someone. Having had to clear up after a mentally unwell tenant and the lowlifes that gather round, I feel for her and the neighbours.

Farting about blaming a particular government is sturgeon tunnel vision and not relevant.

Or maybe you have very little experience of social care and the cuts that have been made to it? Most of us with experience are a bit tired of being told by idealistic conservatives that it's in our imagination when the cuts are factual and are having an effect. It's fine not to know, it doesn't make you a lesser person.

Update: I phoned Adult Safeguarding, and they think there is genuine cause for concern. They've done a referral and passed it onto the relevant team. Now we just have to wait and see.

I'm glad you've made them aware. Fingers crossed they put measures in soon for all of your sakes x

Seriously? So we're allowed to refer to anyone as 'them', except when they have SN, then referring to them as 'them' is unacceptable? Really???? What on earth am I supposed to call more than one person? Them is the correct grammatical term for more than one individual

Lumping everyone together in one category as 'them' ignores the diversity and difference within any group of people. Perhaps if you don't view people as a homogenous lump you will avoid referring to them in this way.

Perhaps if you don't view people as a homogenous lump you will avoid referring to them in this way.

Sigh. And you, of course, have never ever ever referred to a group of people as 'them' I suppose.

You are trained in social care and actually referred to a patient/charge as "going mental"?

I fear for the future of my children with 'carers' like you around.

Oh for goodness sakes!!! I was talking to moms on MN. I wasn't in a professional situation working with service users. People talk like that to each other all the time.

And I didn't say the service user went mental, I said THE WOMAN SHE LIVES WITH went mental. People say that to each other all the bloody time.

It was a slip of the tongue anyway, I have said that in a pp.

Just to stress it: I HAVE NEVER AND NEVER WILL REFER TO A SERVICE USER AS 'GOING MENTAL'.

I hope that your call to SS adult helpdesk brings you some relief OP. It must be miserable living with such stress and worry, and anti social behaviour is anti social behaviour regardless of who is making it. You have every right to live a peaceful and quiet life in your own home, and for your garden to be safe and clean for your children to use. I'm sure each and every one of us would feel hugely frustrated given the circumstances.

I read nothing offensive in the "home" suggestion. This resident doesn't have the skills needed for independent living so shared accommodation with a higher ratio of staff would be a kinder solution. The residents antisocial behaviour may also be a a sure sign that the poor girl cannot cope. She needs more support.

Thanks Jane. Will just have to wait and see. But they tend to take these things seriously.

I only found three cig butts in my garden today, so either the carer snuck in and cleaned them up, or they've managed to get her to use an ashtray.

Hopefully she'll get more support soon Welsh. Or they'll pull the carers up to care for her properly. If someone need 2:1 support every day, then there is a reason for that.

Thank you for your PM OP It actually brought to my attention that you've used the term 'going mental' more than once, to describe different situations.
Your training should have taught you this us an unacceptable way to describe service users.
I'd be really interested in who you received your training from so I know never to enlist their services

Crochet - are you actually unable to read a sentence properly? I have said more than once that I DID NOT refer to a service user as going mental. Perhaps read back to the post in question, and concentrate really hard. Perhaps you can read it properly and see what I said. Oh, and go and troll someone else please.

I'm trolling? How do you work that one out?

And YOU DID (look, CAPSLOCK). Twice.