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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not babysit again

177 replies

wazzzock · 14/03/2017 15:54

Hiya, please bare with me, I'm aware I may be over reacting & hormonal but ... a bit of back story so no drip feeding
I often used to look after my nephew as a baby, my brother works away and SIL worked shifts. I would help out where possible, do nursery runs (it's right next to my work).
SIl became SAHM for a while so for about 16 months I didn't babysit at all, but would still pop over to see SIL while my db was away.
SIL has a new job & I have a weeks holiday, nephew was poorly at the weekend so couldn't go to nursery but SIL didn't want to cancel her shift, I offered to help last minute.
Nephew is now 3, I haven't looked after him since he was a baby and don't have much experience with toddlers, all morning he tested boundaries - expected behaviour.
I went to the supermarket just to grab a couple bits for our lunch, took DN with me, walked past magazine aisle he asked for one and I said yes as a treat, explained we could sit and colour/do puzzles together after lunch.
next aisle... sweets, DN turned into devil child, demanded I bought him something, and it all escalated into ww3. I put the magazine back and dn proceeded to throw himself onto the floor, kicking screaming. I tried picking him up to get him out the shop & he started kicking and pushing me. Just at that moment SIL phones to check we are ok Confused she could hear the commotion & I explained what was going on and that I needed to go.
I am 32 weeks pregnant with our 1st baby, and the reply I had from SIL was ' maybe you should have thought about having this kid if you can't handle a toddler for the day'.

The comment really hurt, we've been ttc for nearly 4 years & are more than excited about the imminent arrival, and secondly I was doing her a favour. I was kind of hoping for a few words of 'what to do' rather than a slating.
He had another once we were home as I told him not to keep pushing the Telly making it wobble, and he then smashed his toy he'd bought for the day into little bits. Hmm
I am due to look after dn again Thursday but now I really don't want to.
So wibu to say no, and if not then any advice on dealing with these tantrums, they are beyond any kind of strop I've witnessed before.

It's not like I can even have a glass bottle of wine afterwards!

OP posts:
Falafelings · 15/03/2017 10:28

Look forwards and upwards OP. You've got a special time ahead!

CouldntMakeThisShitUp · 15/03/2017 10:35

I think she's got a lot of festering resentment/dislike against you for whatever reason - and she takes any opportunity she can to have a dig at you.

your second text was excellent!

i've had the same when i've taken my nephews and neices to the shop - if they had rang mid-tantrum they would have spoke to their dc on the phone and had a word.
My neice was once told the consequence for misbehaving would be no dessert after dinner....worked like magic!

i love how yoiur dad is on the ball with her antics and calls her out on it! if she says anything else to you - just tell her straight.

if there's a fallout every one knows it's her own doing.

1bighappyfamily · 15/03/2017 10:37

It does sound like pretty standard toddler stuff. I enter DD2 into evidence m'lud. My DM, who adores her grandchild, was heard to say yesterday (mid breakfast related WW3) "She really can go from hero to zero in a nanosecond, can't she!" Then I picked her up from her CM to be told that she'd been an "angel" all day! Confused. Clearly got it all out of her system first thing. Grin).

But agree with all the others. Your SIL is horrible. That was a nasty thing to say. And the FB thing is just childish.

Good luck over the next 8 weeks - and keep up with those Doritos. Am sure they'll supply lots of energy in the run-up!

DoingThisRight · 15/03/2017 10:49

Wow well done op for standing your ground on this. Look he's a 3yo and it's to be expected. Her comments though are not! They were nasty and rude while you were kindly doing her a favour whilst you are heavily pregnant too!
Who the hell is she to question you having a child Hmm.

CoraPirbright · 15/03/2017 10:49

Well done you for standing up to your cow of a SIL! Her comment was nasty and totally uncalled for and coming on top of the little digs you have described...well, she's a peach isn't she?!

Don't be nervous about the toddler years - you will know your little person so well and be able to handle it. As many posters have said, the behaviour you encountered is normal (bloody awful but normal). However, as others have also noted, it is by no means universal. Mine never had throw-yourself-on-the-floor, froth-at-the-mouth tantrums and I am not polishing my halo or anything. It was absolutely nothing to do with me - just the luck of the draw that they just didn't happen to do that.

GirlElephant · 15/03/2017 10:59

Well handled by you, your reply was polite but to the point!

ohfourfoxache · 15/03/2017 11:33

I'm gob smacked at her rudeness tbh Shock

Absolute bitch, I'd never do her any favours ever again Shock

ShuttyTown · 15/03/2017 12:13

She's a rude twat. No way would I help her out again

LorLorr2 · 15/03/2017 12:48

Remember to screenshot the texts so that if she sniffles to your sibling like you are the unreasonable one, you have proof of what was said and how you were being the nice one. I wouldn't normally encourage any 'drama', I am much like you, I shy away from confrontation and prefer a peaceful life! However, your SIL's behaviour is pretty amazing(ly bad) for an adult. Sad that she can't share the love.. did she want her child to be the last of the generation? Lol!
If she ever babysits for you in future, make a point of saying 'if little one is being a scamp please let me know' Wink as you said, it's not the behaviour that's the issue, it's the parent's reaction and attitude to it.

WankingMonkey · 15/03/2017 13:33

I cannot believe people are this cheeky. Tell her no. I would personally add 'fuck off' in there somewhere too but I am not as polite as others are.

Falafelings · 15/03/2017 13:42

Did she respond?

Rainatnight · 15/03/2017 13:59

Well done. And I really like the sound of your dad!

Blondeshavemorefun · 15/03/2017 16:14

what a bitch !!

obv dn is never told no Hmm

i would have a word with your brother as well,his wife should not talk to you like she did

your dad sounds lovely

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 16/03/2017 02:48

I imagine there were a lot of rolled eyes going on at her FB post!

Listen, tell your parents NOW what has happened, before she gets to them, which she will, and she'll spin it so you look like the bad guy.

She's a fucking rude, self-centred bitch of a woman - her second text was so passive aggressive (and not so passive at that, really!) it's ridiculous, and you can also see that she's got issues over you being pg and having "another grandchild" - competition time!

I think you did really well to send that second text - totally understand why you kept it soft with the first one but my my, she showed her true colours all right after it, so well done for telling her the TRUTH.

She won't believe it or accept it, mind. And you will be that bad guy in one way or another - probably for not being "able to accept fair criticism" Hmm, or possibly for "letting her down" or something equally rubbish.

So you do need to do a bit of firefighting in the background before she gets going. Screenshotting the texts is a very good idea.

FreeNiki · 16/03/2017 03:11

maybe you should have thought about having this kid if you can't handle a toddler for the day'.

Id have told her maybe she should have thought twice about having DN if he is still having screaming tantrums over sweets as she clearly isnt disciplining him. He does it as it works.

Id have taken him straight to her place of work and dumped him there on her.

AyeAmarok · 16/03/2017 07:03

She "couldn't be prouder" of her DS after he kicked a heavily pregnant woman? Doesn't take much to impress her, does it.

Spadequeen · 16/03/2017 07:12

Good for you. Loving the PA Facebook status. What a stupid cow.

pictish · 16/03/2017 10:00

I agree with you Thumbwitch.
OP (if you're still reading) - this woman is feeling threatened by you having a baby. Her response is to undermine you and the happy event, in order to bolster her position.
She has actually been quite shockingly aggressive towards you. You can bet your last tenner at the end of the month that she will be building a case around this in which you will be firmly cast as the villain of the piece. Don't allow her to persuade your parents that her conduct was anything less than uncalled for and insulting. Given her responses throughout and the facebook status, she will think nothing of planting the seed of doubt into your family's minds about you. She's cross that you are stepping on her toes.

FreeNiki · 16/03/2017 11:10

She "couldn't be prouder" of her DS after he kicked a heavily pregnant woman? Doesn't take much to impress her, does it.

Seriously?

He's 3 Hmm

Something tells me he wasnt inwardly thinking Im deliberately going to kick a pregnant woman just because.

FreeNiki · 16/03/2017 11:10

She "couldn't be prouder" of her DS after he kicked a heavily pregnant woman? Doesn't take much to impress her, does it.

Seriously?

He's 3 Hmm

Something tells me he wasnt inwardly thinking Im deliberately going to kick a pregnant woman just because.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 16/03/2017 11:20

freeniki it's not about whether the child did it deliberately. It's the fact she is so proud of him.
Besides it all smacks of passive aggressive Facebook posting anyway.

FreeNiki · 16/03/2017 11:25

So if your 3 year old had a wobbly you would lose all pride?

It isnt about her having pride in him she'd be a weird parent if she didnt. Its her stupid facebook posts

MumW · 17/03/2017 18:21

And no, all 3 year olds do not behave like that!

This is true, they all have their wobbles but only 3 year olds whose parents don't disipline them properly behave like this.

Don't worry about toddlerdom, remember you will both be learning about it together and, so long as you nip undesirable behaviour in the bud consistently it will turn out just fine. (It's the teenage years you should be scared of.Wink )

Atenco · 17/03/2017 18:27

They all have their wobbles but only 3 year olds whose parents don't disipline them properly behave like this

Oh come off it

You can't discipline a child out of tantrums. You can be firm and not give in to their tantrums which usually helps towards them having fewer tantrums over time, but if they are overtired, hungry or anxious, they will still tantrum occasionally.

Trunkisareshite · 17/03/2017 18:51

If you were my SIL and I'd rung you and heard that I'd have told you to put the mag back as well as stand firm in saying no to the sweets!

I agree with the pp who say she feels threatened by you having a baby, not something I can relate to as I was the first in my family to spawn and I wouldn't have dreamt of making those kind of comments, I've only ever looked forward to new babies in the family! The more the merrier!

I think your second reply was bang on and the only thing she's done with her FB post is make herself look odd.

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