To not babysit again

[wazzzock]

Hiya, please bare with me, I'm aware I may be over reacting & hormonal but ... a bit of back story so no drip feeding
I often used to look after my nephew as a baby, my brother works away and SIL worked shifts. I would help out where possible, do nursery runs (it's right next to my work).
SIl became SAHM for a while so for about 16 months I didn't babysit at all, but would still pop over to see SIL while my db was away.
SIL has a new job & I have a weeks holiday, nephew was poorly at the weekend so couldn't go to nursery but SIL didn't want to cancel her shift, I offered to help last minute.
Nephew is now 3, I haven't looked after him since he was a baby and don't have much experience with toddlers, all morning he tested boundaries - expected behaviour.
I went to the supermarket just to grab a couple bits for our lunch, took DN with me, walked past magazine aisle he asked for one and I said yes as a treat, explained we could sit and colour/do puzzles together after lunch.
next aisle... sweets, DN turned into devil child, demanded I bought him something, and it all escalated into ww3. I put the magazine back and dn proceeded to throw himself onto the floor, kicking screaming. I tried picking him up to get him out the shop & he started kicking and pushing me. Just at that moment SIL phones to check we are ok she could hear the commotion & I explained what was going on and that I needed to go.
I am 32 weeks pregnant with our 1st baby, and the reply I had from SIL was ' maybe you should have thought about having this kid if you can't handle a toddler for the day'.

The comment really hurt, we've been ttc for nearly 4 years & are more than excited about the imminent arrival, and secondly I was doing her a favour. I was kind of hoping for a few words of 'what to do' rather than a slating.
He had another once we were home as I told him not to keep pushing the Telly making it wobble, and he then smashed his toy he'd bought for the day into little bits.
I am due to look after dn again Thursday but now I really don't want to.
So wibu to say no, and if not then any advice on dealing with these tantrums, they are beyond any kind of strop I've witnessed before.

It's not like I can even have a glass bottle of wine afterwards!

Just like to reassure you that this isn't normal young child behaviour. DS2 doesn't behave like this except very rarely, he certainly doesn't test the boundaries all day long.

She was nasty to you. End of. I would not babysit for her again.

Really surprised that some people think that normal behaviour for a 3 year old. I've had two boys and loads of friends with children and have only known one child who was allowed to behave like this. It is a parental issue unless child has medical issues.

Well done you OP for cancelling. Her comment was bang out of order. I would be absolutely livid if that was said to me

On the question of if this is normal behaviour, I have heard of a 3 yr old hitting or kicking a parent. Never have I heard of one doing it to an Auntie. I would in all seriousness consider if there was a medical condition such as autism especially if accompanied by other markers.

She sounds lovely. NOT. I would be mortified if my toddler had behaved like that in someone else's care. As for telling you that you should have thought before having a child,because you were struggling
with a tantrum-ing toddler,imo badly-behaved children are usually made that way,not born that way. Your newborn baby will not be throwing a hissy fit within minutes of it's birth because you won't buy him/her some sweets!

I need to know how she reacts to being told Thursday is a no go

Wow what a stupid comment from your SIL. Maybe fired off in a temper as she thought you were critical of his behaviour and by default her parenting. Definitely forget the babysitting. All kids are different so it's nonsense anyway. Tell her you're not up for it and need to rest.

Babies aren't born 'Damien' - more allowed to mould into one.

You know that feeling when a poster puts your idea much more succinctly than you could?

Some children have special needs and need more effort to control or coach or coerce or coax into behaving. Many need some better parenting.

Your SiL is a dick. Tell her that maybe she's right and from now on you'll be wondering about your own child and how to avoid brattish behaviour in shops.

Other family members have comments on dn's behaviour.
I do see my brother struggle when he's home and he is trying to discipline dn sometimes. maybe sil gives in a little too often for an easier life.
I have text to say -
Hi sil, really sorry but hoping this is enough notice for you to sort an alternative arrangement for Thursday, maybe when I'm on maternity we can meet & I can spend a bit more time with you & dn before having him again for the day, but it's not best for either of us at the moment. x

I'm interested in what her reply will be. Her response was totally out of order.

If she questions why you are pulling out on Thursday, just say you could do without the hassle. Nice and woolly. She'll not know if you mean hassle with her son, or hassle with her making snide comments.

what if she says it's not enough notice for her to make alternative arrangements? Will you do it?

Her reaction was incredibly rude and thoughtless given you did her a massive favour! I would cancel taking him on Thursday.

I also think at 32 weeks pregnant you should be resting up unless it's things you really want to do!

good for you OP.... take the time to yourself and relax x

I wouldn't offer to help out again and I'd cancel Thursday forthwith. Giving the ungrateful moo the opportunity to find alternative childcare for her precious snowflake.

Look after yourself OP, have a chill day without the additional tantrums and uncalled for comments from your SIL.

Just seen update. Good for you :)

Nice text - a bit too nice but then you are a nice person.
She wouldn't be getting an apology from me.
I hope she's OK about it!

I think it's a shame that in your text you haven't addressed the comment she made.

If she bitches, I'd have to clarify that you don't really have an issue with your lovely DN's occasional tantrums, just with her snide response.

It was quite vicious really. I wouldn't be doing her any favours beyond deigning to piss on her should she catch fire in my presence.

way too nice text
she'll come back saying she can't make arrangements.

Nice text - a bit too nice but then you are a nice person

I'm afraid she will just think that you can't cope, whereas it was her unpleasant comment that was the problem. They will all try it on with tantrums to get what they want. If she's been giving in to them, then you have a much harder deal on your hands.

Ouch, that comment was really uncalled for! Its hard with family not to let a rogue comment descend into ww3, is your sil normally hard work?

She was a cow. You're right to cancel, although I agree she'll interpret it as you not being up to the job and that's not true.

No! No! No! No you are not being unreasonable, you were doing her a favour and her remark was uncalled for.

If she's mother of the year surely she can juggle child minding and work simultaneously, her being so wonderfully capable of dealing with toddlers.

I'd tell her I wasn't available and let her know that her ungrateful and bitchy attitude is the reason. You've done nothing wrong, don't let her be rude to you!

I'm afraid she will just think that you can't cope, whereas it was her unpleasant comment that was the problem.

This x 100. Yours wasn't a text I would have sent. Your SIL sounds like a cow!