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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's unfair that SIL is having a free holiday at my expense?

483 replies

sleepwhatsleep · 13/03/2017 07:35

We've booked a holiday home in Cornwall for a week in the summer. Me and OH with DS, his parents, his brother with his wife and 2 kids. Between the 3 couples we've split the cost.
Anyway last night MIL said that OH's brother's SIL is going to join us "for a few days" as "there are enough bedrooms anyway". There is just enough bedrooms for the 3 couples and the kids. OH's brother has 2 kids - one will be less than a year old so sharing with them anyway, and the other has special needs so needs their own room.
Mil has already referred to "well if we have to then your DS can sleep in your bathroom for a few nights" which i thought was odd as there were enough rooms for him to sleep separately (he will be 1 and a bit). So i guess from what i learned yesterday that they've already decided that DS will have to give up his room to accomdate his SIL with her kids for their free holiday for a few days out of only a week? Angry
What's made me more annoyed is that they haven't asked us beforehand.

AIBU to kick off about this?

OP posts:
EmeraldScorn · 14/03/2017 03:56

MrsJanice If I wind my neck in (terrible comeback) the issue will remain the same, the OP is coming across like a bratty child in my opinion and I'm entitled to express my view.

Lweji I did read the post (MIL apparently suggested that the child could sleep in the bathroom) and I suggested that the child could sleep in his/her parent's bed. Although I did wonder if the OP meant to write "bathroom" as it's a bizarre thing for anyone to suggest!

DoingThisRight It's not "holier than thou" choosing not to be a self centred dick, the OP's issue is hardly a life threatening dilemma!

Rollonthesummer I'm not going on Summer holiday this year and believe it or not most people don't have an annual holiday. Anyway, do you have any further pearls of moralistic wisdom to share?

I stand over my original comment!

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 14/03/2017 04:04

Emerald the op said her child is an extremely light sleeper so room sharing isn't an option, let alone bed sharing. Hence the bathroom suggestion

OP yanbu, it isn't up to your mil to invite others to stay overnight without checking with the other guests first

damnedgrubble · 14/03/2017 04:13

Sleep in the bathroom?! No way. YANBU.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 14/03/2017 05:21
MMM3 · 14/03/2017 05:50

It sounds like your MIL thinks she's hosting.
She is the matriarch, it's a natural role, but the host PICKS UP THE DAMNED TAB.
Sharing a bill is for college kids. Or kids footing the bill for mommy pretending she's a hostess, apparently. Frankly, I'd express disapproval once, then (when that definitely won't be effective), suck it up, let her run the show, and then NEVER GO TO THE SHOW AGAIN.
Next time get a cottage nearby.

aquashiv · 14/03/2017 06:11

Work out her share of the cost and con firm with her what she owes not through mil

CoolCarrie · 14/03/2017 06:19

My mil does stuff like this all the time, she is a thoughtless, self-centred woman who wanted to sleep on our sofa four nights a week, because she decided to take a job too far from her flat to commute without getting up at 5.00am! " I don't mind" says she. Well I bloody do! She didn't think we would mind having our lounge becoming her bedroom nearly every night.

She tried to pull the holiday nonsense on us as well a few years ago, but I nipped it in the bud, as you should, OP. You have an out in the Ts and Cs, use it, don't let your holiday be spoiled by her thoughtless behaviour.

ChippieBeanAndHorro · 14/03/2017 06:19

hardly a life threatening dilemma

Yes, because this is about a holiday, isn't it?

Her inlaws lives certainly aren't threatened either... Which is why choosing not to be a self centred dick definitely should go for the other adults as well, and not just the OP...

Letseatgrandma · 14/03/2017 07:10

I don't really get why this family unit really needed to invite someone's sister-who isn't really part of this unit-to their family holiday?! Surely, the OP's brother/sister in law can organise a holiday if they want and invite her sister, her parents, his parents etc, should they so desire?

But anyway. Is the op ever coming back?

FairytalesAreBullshit · 14/03/2017 07:39

I would say the new guest can sleep on the sofa, seeing as she's not paying, your son won't have to sleep in a bathroom because they decided oh it's ok.

She should have no problem with that!

rookiemere · 14/03/2017 07:51

Beauty of making extra guests sleep in the living room is that it disrupts everyone not just OP. Plus extra visitors less likely to linger.

PovertyJetset · 14/03/2017 08:23

Did you talk to them op

ShatnersWig · 14/03/2017 08:49

I loathe people who just go around inviting others without asking.

Last year, my best friend entered a sports tournament which meant going away for a week. Said would I like to go with her for the week so that she had company at night and when she wasn't playing and that we could invite some of our other friends to pop down for the weekend (two hour drive). It was at least a hotel not a cottage. Planned. Booked. Had a lovely time. Friends joined us on the Friday. And one couple had invited a friend of theirs that the rest of us had met once to come along.

Last weekend, this couple went away and invited the same friends along. I declined. Turns out they did the same thing again. Everyone else got there to discover someone they hadn't met at all had also been invited. This time was a rental cottage. I gather it did not go well.

Lweji · 14/03/2017 08:55

Lweji I did read the post

Not THE post.

ALL the OP's posts.

Lweji · 14/03/2017 08:59

I stand over my original comment!

I suggest you read the entire thread, particularly the posts by the OP, then consider carefully the nasty stuff you said about the OP and whether you'd like the same treatment of you for what you posted and how you didn't care to see what else the OP had to say about this issue.

Cagliostro · 14/03/2017 09:09

😱 yanbu

expatinscotland · 14/03/2017 09:09

'Rollonthesummer I'm not going on Summer holiday this year and believe it or not most people don't have an annual holiday. Anyway, do you have any further pearls of moralistic wisdom to share? '

I have one, since you're such an unselfish and wonderful person, not a 'self-centred dick' 'brat', etc., why not open your home up to people who 'need a break', gratis, of course. Or do some fund-raising so 'people who need a break' get a holiday.

BiddyPop · 14/03/2017 09:39

We didn't even have extra people joining the group to cause major upset - a family group of 16, across 3 houses, all agreed who was in which (well, at least which people would be together in what groups) months in advance. We get to the foreign country, 2 couples taking a few days (separate) roadtrips to get there, both arrive same day to find all plans changed, all DCs put in the same house (when it had been discussed why that was NOT a good idea), food shopping done with the intention of organizing one house was now defunct and wasted, MAJOR bad feeling (and wonderful bitchiness and back biting but sad faced hypocritical "understanding how its upsetting" going on as well!).

Problem was someone making unilateral decisions, at the last minute, without communicating them. Then accusing others of not communicating - end result being one grown adult losing it completely and screaming, f;'ing and blinding their parent in full view/hearing of the rest, for the first time ever that parent hearing such language out of that grown child's mouth.

And that was where we had all tried to communicate and agree arranagements in advance.

I don't think the entire group will ever go on holidays together again.

seven201 · 14/03/2017 10:10

Surely your dh should be sorting this out, not you! Yadnbu, I'd be pissed off.

TitaniasCloset · 14/03/2017 10:40

What happened to the op? Come back op!

Jux · 14/03/2017 11:20

I would be concerned about how your BIL's wife feels about all her in-laws if she wants to have her sister with her, even when it means one of her in-laws being put out quite a bit.

Does she not like you all?
Does she find you all overpowering?
Does she feel uncomfortable when with you all and therefore wants some back up?

I have felt a bit like that with dh's family, but I didn't go so far as insisting one of my relatives join us on a IL-family party. Does the sister spend a lot of time with BIL's lot?

girlywhirly · 14/03/2017 11:54

It concerns me that even if they conceded that BIL's SIL and kids couldn't stay, they might rock up anyway while you are there.

I bet you wish you'd never taken on the job of booking this, OP. It wouldn't kill your DH to support you more, how hard is it to spell out to his mother and brother that they need to abide by the terms of the letting agreement?

strawberrisc · 14/03/2017 17:24

Is she lonely?

RevEm · 14/03/2017 17:29

Yep. I would be upset too.

If she's gettin a free holiday then she can't expect others to give up their rooms for them.

YANBU.

I would kick off...and I usually don't!

Deathstarevicki · 14/03/2017 17:31

No freeloader would turf any of my children out of a room or holiday I have paid for. Its a shame she's not included but that is not the solution.