Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it's unfair that SIL is having a free holiday at my expense?

483 replies

sleepwhatsleep · 13/03/2017 07:35

We've booked a holiday home in Cornwall for a week in the summer. Me and OH with DS, his parents, his brother with his wife and 2 kids. Between the 3 couples we've split the cost.
Anyway last night MIL said that OH's brother's SIL is going to join us "for a few days" as "there are enough bedrooms anyway". There is just enough bedrooms for the 3 couples and the kids. OH's brother has 2 kids - one will be less than a year old so sharing with them anyway, and the other has special needs so needs their own room.
Mil has already referred to "well if we have to then your DS can sleep in your bathroom for a few nights" which i thought was odd as there were enough rooms for him to sleep separately (he will be 1 and a bit). So i guess from what i learned yesterday that they've already decided that DS will have to give up his room to accomdate his SIL with her kids for their free holiday for a few days out of only a week? Angry
What's made me more annoyed is that they haven't asked us beforehand.

AIBU to kick off about this?

OP posts:
MrsJaniceBattersby · 13/03/2017 17:07

Exactly what Dowhatnow said , this is not the holiday you agreed to
Wind your neck in Emerald you're missing the point

springflowers11 · 13/03/2017 17:14

But you (and your BIL) are happy for the MIL to subsidise your second bedrooms?
You need to refund your MIL some money if you want to refuse her inviting her own guest!

altiara · 13/03/2017 17:17

I'd pull out. You went to the trouble of specifying your needs and finding a resolution. You are just going to get trodden on for the rest of your life if you carry on like this and it's definitely not going to be a holiday. DH needs to take a stand.
MIL doesn't have to be narky about it as it's no longer your 'MIL with her grandchildren' if she or her DIL have invited DILs sister and kids so it's not like you're ruining the 'family' holiday.
Bet DH doesn't take a stand and prefers upsetting you, then you have a crap holiday and waste loads of money and then need a holiday to get over it but can no longer afford it! Take everyone's advice and have a holiday you enjoy - tell yourself you deserve it Smile

LakieLady · 13/03/2017 17:19

Mil finds chaotic get-togethers with loads of family in one house loads of fun

And consequently thinks it's fine to change arrangements without consultation, on the assumption that everyone else will too! I'm sorry, no matter how nice she is, she needs a wake-up call.

"Not rocking the boat" is all very well, but you're not the ones doing the rocking, MiL is, by gaily inviting another adult + 2 kids along. She's downright rude, imo, and very presumptuous.

I think a polite chat along the lines of "We want a peaceful holiday and the addition of another adult + kids and consequent change of sleeping arrangements won't give us that. You should have consulted us before you agreed to it. This is not what we signed up for" should do the trick, although DH should be the one to have it.

I think you're being very measured, OP. I'd be fucking ballistic!

Holiday places are always a bit cramped when they have the full number of occupants imo, adding even more sounds hellish. We always opt for somewhere with space to accommodate at least 2 people more than are actually going, so everyone has room to spread out. As several PPs have pointed out, they usually provide towels, crocks etc on the basis of one of everything per person. You're going to have to take it in turns to have a cup of bloody tea, have a rota for sitting on the sofas and getting everyone round the dining table will be like playing Tetris.

DoingThisRight · 13/03/2017 17:19

*Stop being so bloody tight. Maybe the woman is having a hard time and needs a break but can't afford it so your mother-in-law invited her; I would do the same.

Your son is one, he won't even remember the holiday; He can sleep in your bed. Begrudging someone over a few quid, holy fuck, don't go if you're going to be such a Grinch!*

How the hell is this the ops problem. There's always that one desperate to seem holier than thou. Why don't you go fund this woman if you are so sure she needs a break?

LordRothermereBlackshirtCunt · 13/03/2017 17:32

Look on the bright side, OP. Your MIL's shenanigans give you the perfect excuse to never go on holiday within the in-laws again.

rollonthesummer · 13/03/2017 17:51

How the hell is this the ops problem. There's always that one desperate to seem holier than thou. Why don't you go fund this woman if you are so sure she needs a break?

I agree! Perhaps she can come on your summer holiday as well, Emerald.

Lweji · 13/03/2017 17:57

Your son is one, he won't even remember the holiday; He can sleep in your bed.

Grin

Someone who clearly didn't read the OP's posts.

LucklessMonster · 13/03/2017 18:38

But you (and your BIL) are happy for the MIL to subsidise your second bedrooms?

Try reading the OP's posts before accusing her of hypocrisy. Firstly, she has never specified now the costs have been split except that it isn't per room. It's probably per person or per adult.

Secondly, they ALL got a discount because the OP's friend owns the cottage.

The mother-in-law may well be being subsidised by the OP as well as trying to shove her grandchild in the toilet.

August1984 · 13/03/2017 18:54

Any update OP?

Downtheroadfirstonleft · 13/03/2017 19:25

Stand up for yourself! No is a whole answer and all that.

You would also need to check if additional people are allowed. The holiday places I've rented have always been very specific about not allowing you to exceed the maximum number of guests stated.

BonnyScotland · 13/03/2017 19:47

I wouldn't go.... I'd stay at home in peace x

timeisnotaline · 13/03/2017 20:31

If you are all splitting it equally then mil, who doesn't have extra people , is basically paying for sil and it would be very grabby to make this about money when you are paying 1/3 and are more than 1/3 of the guests (without sil) . While I would happily sleep one year old in my room , with your extra info I can see why you don't want to, and I wouldn't sleep off year old in the bathroom. So.... Tricky!!

StrawberryShortcake32 · 13/03/2017 20:50

It's not about everyone splitting it equally. Initially OP'S DS wouldn't have had the room but OP managed to get the extra room for no extra cost. So how is MIL paying for any of that room? OP has gone to extra trouble to get that room at no extra cost to anyone else. It doesn't suddenly become everyone's territory just because it's occupied by a child.

meercat23 · 13/03/2017 20:50

time I am probably being dim but why do you think the OP and her DH and DS are more than 1/3 of the original party? As I read the OP it is the brother, wife and 2 children who are more than 1/3

In any case whatever the numbers it seems that they agreed the payment split and the room allocation and the problem is that this has now been brought into question.

thatdearoctopus · 13/03/2017 20:52

The OP is not more than a third of the group. Mil and Fil, Bil and SIl and 2 kids make 6 and OP and family another 3. 3 out of 9 makes one third, in my book.

Hippywannabe · 13/03/2017 22:05

Good grief! Do not go on this trip. They will be there all week!

Cherrysoup · 13/03/2017 22:25

*I'd turn it around onto her and say that you were really sorry to hear that they wanted sil to come instead of you and your family and who should you give your bank details to to take over your share of the cost... Keep the bit about the friend giving you a discount and thus the price potentially going up back initially to give you more ammo later on if needed.

If you present it as of course we're not coming if there aren't enough bedrooms for us, why do you think we said at the very beginning that we needed two bedrooms, that was the key factor that meant we were able to join in with the holiday and the reason you got the good deal on the booking through me. If that has changed then you obviously don't want us there.Then that gives you the power in the negotiations - as if they want you there then you get what you booked. If not, you're not there. Makes it her problem, rather than you having to agree to arrangements you don't want to.*

Yup. And they'll be there all week, let's face it. The worst thing bout this is mil' slack of consideration for why you've booked a bigger place ie specifically for your ds. That alone would make me pull out. Get the random sil to pay your share and go elsewhere. It sounds like hell on wheels, that many people in one place.

GirlElephant · 13/03/2017 22:58

OP this is bizarre! I would find it normal if the invited woman was your SIL but she's not a blood relation and a "few days" could be 50-60% of the holiday!

I think all of the original group should have agreed any extra people coming & based on agreed sheeting arrangements where they would stay.

Did you manage to speak to them today?

Patriciathestripper1 · 13/03/2017 23:06

Tell them no. Why the fuck should your child sleep in the bathroom on his holiday??

Why can't they sleep in the lounge? Or pay god a fucking holiday home themselves?

Patriciathestripper1 · 13/03/2017 23:08

Got

Patriciathestripper1 · 13/03/2017 23:09

Fuckkng auto correct it should read pay for

Patriciathestripper1 · 13/03/2017 23:09

Fucking

BadLad · 13/03/2017 23:10

I can't see this holiday being a barrel of laughs now.

MintyChops · 13/03/2017 23:31

Did you speak to your MIL today OP?