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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's unfair that SIL is having a free holiday at my expense?

483 replies

sleepwhatsleep · 13/03/2017 07:35

We've booked a holiday home in Cornwall for a week in the summer. Me and OH with DS, his parents, his brother with his wife and 2 kids. Between the 3 couples we've split the cost.
Anyway last night MIL said that OH's brother's SIL is going to join us "for a few days" as "there are enough bedrooms anyway". There is just enough bedrooms for the 3 couples and the kids. OH's brother has 2 kids - one will be less than a year old so sharing with them anyway, and the other has special needs so needs their own room.
Mil has already referred to "well if we have to then your DS can sleep in your bathroom for a few nights" which i thought was odd as there were enough rooms for him to sleep separately (he will be 1 and a bit). So i guess from what i learned yesterday that they've already decided that DS will have to give up his room to accomdate his SIL with her kids for their free holiday for a few days out of only a week? Angry
What's made me more annoyed is that they haven't asked us beforehand.

AIBU to kick off about this?

OP posts:
clerquin · 13/03/2017 14:20

If this is your main holiday this year, I'll place bets that it'll be the last one that you will willingly go on with the ILS en masse. It'll be way too much hassle if you're stressed about it now before you actually go as well as conflicting interests. There will be no escape and little privacy. There will be bound to be someone who doesn't want to drive, to cook, eat out, go for a walk, sight see, get up early, get up late, etc..... (Unhelpful)

MadeForThis · 13/03/2017 14:35

Have a word with your MIL. As you get on great it should be simple to explain that you booked a cottage with two rooms so that you all can get some sleep.

Don't get sidetracked by the money. It's cheeky but not the main point.

You have booked a week away. If you, DH and Ds can't get any sleep for a few nights then it's not going to be much of a holiday.

girlywhirly · 13/03/2017 15:45

Clerquin, my thoughts exactly. MIL's idea of having a holiday with her DGC will turn into people not wanting to go everywhere and do everything all together and she could end up seeing less of the DGC as a result. And I can see it being hard work if the weather is rubbish.

EmeraldScorn · 13/03/2017 15:52

Stop being so bloody tight. Maybe the woman is having a hard time and needs a break but can't afford it so your mother-in-law invited her; I would do the same.

Your son is one, he won't even remember the holiday; He can sleep in your bed. Begrudging someone over a few quid, holy fuck, don't go if you're going to be such a Grinch!

PovertyJetset · 13/03/2017 15:53

Shameless place marking

bloodyteenagers · 13/03/2017 16:00

But if it wasn't because the op wanted a room for her son then the random family member wouldn't have been able to come anyway as there would have been no room.
You also don't invite random people on holiday without asking everyone involved first. The others are more than able to book the place for another week and give this random a holiday.

dowhatnow · 13/03/2017 16:05

If the sister is one adult plus 2 kids then I make that 7 adults, 3 kids, 2 infants (under 2s). It is quite possible that's totally fine for fire regs in a 5 bed. Infants in cots are often counted in addition to the number of beds.

I agree, so there won't be over occupancy to argue.

You just need to be assertive and say that we agreed to this holiday on the basis of a room for DS otherwise it we wouldn't have come. Any other options are not feasible due to his light sleeping and there is no way he's going in a bathroom even if it is possible to fit a cot in there.

danTDM · 13/03/2017 16:20

Sorry, I haven't RTFT but no, the owners of the rental property can't (and will not allow) over occupancy. It's all a no go anyway. You've booked for x, you cannot add more people whether you want to or not.

(OWner of a rental holiday home)

danTDM · 13/03/2017 16:23

Prices are based on number of people, for linen, water and insurance etc. NO way is it ok to invite extra adults without telling them who is on the property,

expatinscotland · 13/03/2017 16:27

'Stop being so bloody tight. Maybe the woman is having a hard time and needs a break but can't afford it so your mother-in-law invited her; I would do the same.

Your son is one, he won't even remember the holiday; He can sleep in your bed. Begrudging someone over a few quid, holy fuck, don't go if you're going to be such a Grinch!'

That's not the OP's problem to sort out at the expense of her own sleep and comfort on her holiday. She's said before he doesn't sleep well with them, hence, they bought an extra room for him. He may not remember the holiday, but she will! Pretty fucking cheeky to invite 3 extra people along without consulting anyone else and volunteering someone's room to them.

Fuck that for a game of soldiers. I'd go fucking spare and pull out. If I'd paid, I'd be tempted to cancel. I'd tell my mate why, too.

That's a fucking cheek.

TheOriginalChatelaine · 13/03/2017 16:30

Maybe the extra guest will volunteer to contribute of her own accord? Or bring supplies? Personally? I'd wait and see. Most importantly OP have a good time.

expatinscotland · 13/03/2017 16:33

How is she going to have a good time knowing she won't get good sleep because the toddler will be shoved in with them or in the bathroom? The point is that 3 extra people in the cottage not meant to sleep that many were invited without consulting all the parties.

Look, OP, if you know you won't have a good time, pull out.

Delatron · 13/03/2017 16:34

Sounds like a horrific 'holiday'. I get you, I never slept in the same room with my children, I would wake at every noise, they would wake hours earlier than normal and wouldn't settle etc etc. Not a holiday at all.

Then there's the fact that the house will be so overcrowded, imagine trying to have a shower, mealtimes, the noise, trying to agree on anything. Again, no holiday.

OP just cancel. Book a nice holiday with just the 3 of you..

PyongyangKipperbang · 13/03/2017 16:37

How on earth is the OP expecting to get the holiday agreed to, planned and paid for, her being tight?!

And there are all sorts of reasons why the SILIL may want to go but none of them are the OPs to deal with.

I went 13 years without a holiday because I couldnt afford one. At no point did I muscle in on someone elses holiday, expect them to pay my share and insist that they shove their child to sleep in a bathroom (FFS!) to make room. Clearly I missed a trick though and could have had a load of free holidays!

TheOriginalChatelaine · 13/03/2017 16:37

Massive over reaction will not help.

FrancisCrawford · 13/03/2017 16:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PyongyangKipperbang · 13/03/2017 16:39

How is the OP pulling out a "massive over reaction?"

mickeysminnie · 13/03/2017 16:39

But Emeraldscorn it isn't up to the MIL nor the bil and sil to unilaterally invite extra people on a holiday without discussing it with everybody who is paying for the holiday!
Who knows, if the OP had been talked to first and told 'my sister is having a really hard time and really needs the break but can't afford it'. The OP herself might have agreed wholeheartedly to inviting them.

expatinscotland · 13/03/2017 16:40

Don't see how it's an overreaction to say, 'Nope, that doesn't work for us. We'll need to pull out.'

PyongyangKipperbang · 13/03/2017 16:40

And these types of shenanigans are why I have never been on hols with another family, even my own! Its a recipe for disaster and thats before you start on the arguments about cooking, food, eating out, days out, cleaning, babysitting etc etc.......

Nightmare!

rookiemere · 13/03/2017 16:44

We always arranged separate sleeping area from DS from a young age when on holiday,he was a light sleeper and so am I and I don't cope well on lack of sleep.

In thie scenario it doesn't really matter if we think the OP is being precious - fact is she organised accomodation that worked for everyone's needs and cost no extra.

I wouldn't say nothing, nor would I leave it to the DH. I would speak to MIL initally to clarify how many nights the extra guests are planning to stay. My bet is that MIL will say something like she isn't sure or probably a couple. I would then say that you booked the cottage with the right number of bedrooms so you don't have to share with your DC as you don't sleep in thos circumstances and as your DC is a light sleeper he cannot sleep in the bathroom.

If it were me, in an effort to keep the peace I woukd suggest that the visitors can store their gear in your DSs room but they will need to sleep in the living room and as such will need to bring sleeping bags etc. If you are feeling exceptionally nice you could volunteer to have your DS in your room in a cot for a maximum of 2 nights, but that will probably backfire on you.

Its such a pain though. SIL is doing a similar thing to our holiday their family is large so she thinks the more the merrier whereas ours is small bit somehow the chores get divided between the two familes (ie grown women) and ceases to be a holiday for me. At our next one theres talk of peole sleeping in the second living room that the children use so I guess they will be in with the adukts or have less place to crash out.

I'd then tell your DH that the only holidays you will be going on with MIL in future will involve separate accomodation as she cannot be trusted to abide by whats been agreed and paid for.

Hope you get it sorted.

MondayTuesdayWednesday · 13/03/2017 16:54

Just be upfront and say that you're not happy about it due to booking a place so your DS could have his own room. Either that or pull out. Don't just spend money to go somewhere you wouldn't enjoy.

FrancisCrawford · 13/03/2017 16:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TabascoToastie · 13/03/2017 17:01

Of course the OP should not buy some random people she's not even related to a holiday!

TrollTheRespawnJeremy · 13/03/2017 17:05

Pull out and spend the money on a trip for yourselves.

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