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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's unfair that SIL is having a free holiday at my expense?

483 replies

sleepwhatsleep · 13/03/2017 07:35

We've booked a holiday home in Cornwall for a week in the summer. Me and OH with DS, his parents, his brother with his wife and 2 kids. Between the 3 couples we've split the cost.
Anyway last night MIL said that OH's brother's SIL is going to join us "for a few days" as "there are enough bedrooms anyway". There is just enough bedrooms for the 3 couples and the kids. OH's brother has 2 kids - one will be less than a year old so sharing with them anyway, and the other has special needs so needs their own room.
Mil has already referred to "well if we have to then your DS can sleep in your bathroom for a few nights" which i thought was odd as there were enough rooms for him to sleep separately (he will be 1 and a bit). So i guess from what i learned yesterday that they've already decided that DS will have to give up his room to accomdate his SIL with her kids for their free holiday for a few days out of only a week? Angry
What's made me more annoyed is that they haven't asked us beforehand.

AIBU to kick off about this?

OP posts:
EineKleine · 13/03/2017 12:56

Don't hide behind fire regs, address the actual issue. If the sister is one adult plus 2 kids then I make that 7 adults, 3 kids, 2 infants (under 2s). It is quite possible that's totally fine for fire regs in a 5 bed. Infants in cots are often counted in addition to the number of beds.

FrancisCrawford · 13/03/2017 12:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

callmeadoctor · 13/03/2017 12:59

I would imagine that there is a set number of guests allowed. You will not be insured for more! Check the amount of people allowed Grin

rollonthesummer · 13/03/2017 13:05

Have you spoken to your brother/sister in law? Do they know your child is expected to sleep in the bathroom? Do they know you're unhappy?

IhatchedaSnorlax · 13/03/2017 13:06

YANBU Op - hope you're able to speak up for yourself & get it sorted.

TheOnlyLivingToyInNewYork · 13/03/2017 13:07

Also, if the fire brigade had to go in and rescue people from the cottage they would be looking for a certain number of guests

Do people actually believe such nonsense? They actually think a fire breaks out and the firefighters call the owner for a list of who is staying there and then hunt them out by name? "That's it lads, we've got six out, don't bother looking for anymore no matter how many kids they tell you are still inside!"
Hmm

OP, its not hard. If and when someone tells you properly that they expect you to give your sons room for free to some woman tangentially connected to you, you just clearly say NO.
It really is as simple as that.

Marmalady75 · 13/03/2017 13:14

Everyone seems to think the mil has invited the bil's sil, but perhaps the op should check it wasn't her bil that did the inviting and mil is acting as go-between?

Either way I would be explaining each and every reason why I was unhappy with the change. My parents recently asked us to go on a similar break with them and my sister. It was automatically assumed by them that our little one (currently 22 months) would need a room to himself as he is an incredibly light sleeper.

My first reaction when I read this was "not happening ", then "mil can have little one in her room and see how she deals with no sleep", but having thought about it for a while I'd go with "it could get my friend into trouble, so no thanks" and suggest that someone will need to drop out ...and leave that hanging.

RaspberryOverloadsOnChilli · 13/03/2017 13:15

OP, YANBU, it's supposed to be a holiday.

It's obviously not going to be a holiday for you if you are not getting what you need to ensure a rest, ie the extra room for your DS that you arranged for.

For all those who believe you can muck in and make room, don't ever believe that you can get away with it. Sometimes you do, but I do know of someone who ended up being told to get the extra people out of the accommodation or they could leave.

And in addition to the T&Cs/insurance issue on numbers, you have the issue of crockery, cutlery, etc. It's not going to be a restful break if you have to start organising mealtimes, etc, in shifts to accommodate everyone.

I also don't believe BIL's SIL is only going to be there a few days, I bet it'll be the whole week.

lightgreenglass · 13/03/2017 13:17

I would tell MIL that DS can go in her room and if he wakes up then she has to deal with him.

chocatoo · 13/03/2017 13:20

In my opinion so many people in the cottage wont work, not only because of the bed problem, but there won't be enough of anything - seats, crockery, etc etc which will be really wearing if it's bad weather. I would have to say 'it's not going to work for me, I'm afraid' and list the space issue plus the fact that the premise on which you booked was that your child would have own room. I would also make it abundantly clear that we had paid for a third of the cost, should have been consulted before an offer was made and are not willing to fund another family's holiday. My suggestion would be to say that they should look for a B&B close by. Bathroom for a child is unhygienic and a definite no go...good luck

thatdearoctopus · 13/03/2017 13:25

This is beside the point, but how big is the bathroom, does anyone know? Suppose you go along with this plan and then get there, to find that the bathroom is the size of a stamp and there's no way you'd fit a travel cot in there (even if you wanted to)?

Then what?

OP, be prepared for the emotional blackmail to start, if you make your reservations known. So it'll be, "well it's too late, as we've already asked them," and "but they're really looking forward to it," and, "this is their only chance to get away," and "it'll be fine, you'll we'll manage."
You need to have some stock responses for this. But first and foremost, before anything else, you need to get your dh on-side. It doesn't sound as though he is yet.

springflowers11 · 13/03/2017 13:29

The trouble is there are 3 couples and only 5 rooms, so your MIL is paying for 2/3 of a second room.Therefore mathematically speaking she is entitled to invite someone else for half a week.

chocatoo · 13/03/2017 13:29

p.s. Families shouldn't really divvy up costs on a per family rather than per person basis - I was surprised what a huge difference it makes. Would have cost us an extra £100+ on a holiday just for a cheap rental if one of the other Mums hadn't pointed out that it wasn't fair on us as there are fewer of us.

ohfourfoxache · 13/03/2017 13:30
Shock

So, so cheeky.

I think I'd be pulling out completely iiwy, and tell them why.

What the hell are they thinking?

fuzzyfozzy · 13/03/2017 13:42

Ring the owners and ask for the cot in that bedroom, get there first and unpack
Then sit there looking innocent...

thatdearoctopus · 13/03/2017 13:46

How would you factor in that the OP got a reduced rate for that 5th room then? This larger cottage is the same price as a 4-bed.

TitaniasCloset · 13/03/2017 13:47

This might be your mothers idea if a fun holiday, but it certainly wouldn't be mine. I need space and peace and quiet. All those kids and adults using the barhrooms, getting the floors and towels wet, leaving dishes about, and just the noise level and lack of sleep. I feel exhausted just thinking about it.

No way, you need to speak up.

PyongyangKipperbang · 13/03/2017 14:00

I think that all you can realistically do is make it clear that no matter who MIL has invited, you will not be making DS sleep anywhere but his room that you booked and paid for. Also that where SIL sleeps is NOT your problem and you will not be involved in solving it. You have your room, DS has his room, job done. Anything else is the issue of the people doing the inviting and dont back down.

expatinscotland · 13/03/2017 14:01

Your OH is a total wuss.

emmyhNL · 13/03/2017 14:04

I agree with someone else who said: act like it's not a done deal. They've not asked you, so go on that pretense.

I can completely understand where you're coming from. We book air bnb for 2 bed apartments as DD is such a light sleeper.

harleysmammy · 13/03/2017 14:04

If someone told me to put my son in the bathroom to accommodate someones else's kid i know where i'd tell them to stick the holiday, mother in law or no mother in law. Your definitely not be unreasonable

Megatherium · 13/03/2017 14:07

Do you have any siblings, OP? If so, maybe you should start pointing out that it's a bit unfair that one DiL gets to ask her sibling and family along but not the other, and demanding that BiL and MiL vacate rooms to accommodate them. Maybe then they'll begin to perceive the merits of keeping this to immediate family only.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 13/03/2017 14:10

Strongly doubt BIL's SIL and family will only stay for a percentage of the week if they pay to travel all the way to Cornwall so don't pin hopes on it only being for 48hrs.

I understand why MIL may have offered her other DIL for her sister to join in the fun but
unless stated in the blurb, I don't think MIL is right to assume the cottage company won't mind about extra guests.

If MIL knew about the importance you place on DS and his cousin each having bedrooms to themselves, it's surprising she now presumes you will leap to make DS's room available for BIL's wife's rellies while DS is relegated to sleep in a bathroom?
Why not suggest if DS goes anywhere it'll be in with PILs.

LucklessMonster · 13/03/2017 14:14

Another doormat OP. This place can be so depressing.

humourless · 13/03/2017 14:16

Just don't go and ask for a refund.

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