To think it's unfair that SIL is having a free holiday at my expense?

[sleepwhatsleep]

We've booked a holiday home in Cornwall for a week in the summer. Me and OH with DS, his parents, his brother with his wife and 2 kids. Between the 3 couples we've split the cost.
Anyway last night MIL said that OH's brother's SIL is going to join us "for a few days" as "there are enough bedrooms anyway". There is just enough bedrooms for the 3 couples and the kids. OH's brother has 2 kids - one will be less than a year old so sharing with them anyway, and the other has special needs so needs their own room.
Mil has already referred to "well if we have to then your DS can sleep in your bathroom for a few nights" which i thought was odd as there were enough rooms for him to sleep separately (he will be 1 and a bit). So i guess from what i learned yesterday that they've already decided that DS will have to give up his room to accomdate his SIL with her kids for their free holiday for a few days out of only a week?
What's made me more annoyed is that they haven't asked us beforehand.

AIBU to kick off about this?

Mil finds chaotic get-togethers with loads of family in one house loads of fun and does it often at her house.

Actually there is your answer. if your ds sleeps in your room and wakes up, she will take it all in her stride and love it. you could ask her to have your ds in their room instead. Maybe she will be less keen
on the other side, you dont enjoy it.
Maybe the answer is to avoid all family get together holidays?

How do you get organised when you go and sleep at their house with all the rest of the family? do you have a room for your ds or is he sleeping with you?

what happens if somebody needs to use the bathroom for the 12 hours a night babys sleep?

Is your 1 year old using the actual bed in that spare room or will he be in a travel cot just using the room? Can't he just sleep in your room for the 2 nights she is there? It does seem a bit excessive having a room for a 1 year old when they aren't even using the bed.

Unless sil is a freeloader I am sure she will more than chip in cost wise once there won't she?

If the SIL is helping BIL pay for the holiday then he should share a room with them.

Why OP has even been brought into the equation I don't know. Either MIL or BIL should be the ones to budge up.

But I agree, there won't be enough crockery or cutlery, or anything really.

Sounds like this holiday is going to be more hard work than being at home.

Am I right in thinking that there are 5 bedrooms? So, your mil is proposing that she has one, you and your dh and ds have another, and sil's family have three (one for her and her dh, one for her ds and the third for her sister and kids). And yet you're still expected to pay a third of the overall cost for 1/5 of the rooms?

Posters with happy memories of chaotic happy, crowded holidays when they were children ought to consider whether the adults were having as much fun or whether they were in grin and bear it mode for the sake of their children getting a holiday.

You read my mind. Being in overcrowded accommodation sucks, especially if the weather isn't great. The extra people will just make the whole place feel really squashed- 7 adults and 6 children in a 5 bed (that was probably originally a 4 bed with the dining room now made into bedroom 5)? No thanks.

We say max occupancy is 8 plus 2 cots in our 4 bed. It's not to do with fire regs/ insurance. I just don't want furniture getting dragged about/ bath towels taken to the beach because there aren't enough beach towels/ indoor chairs taken into the garden as not enough patio chairs etc.

I bet it says in the t&c's that you can't have any extra guests not already named in the booking. You could try contacting your mil to tell her that and point out that the booking could be forfeited if she breaks the rules to allow extra people.
And if you really can't get out of it, insist on being reimbursed for some of the money you've paid out. Why the hell should you pay for someone else's holiday?

Are there not fire regulations on occupancy numbers? EG people sleeping on mattresses on the floor would be a hazard if there were a fire and everyone was trying to get out but the mattresses were in the way. Also, if the fire brigade had to go in and rescue people from the cottage they would be looking for a certain number of guests, they would have no idea that there were more people than expected in the cottage, including a baby sleeping in the bathroom- they would not be expecting anyone to be in there. I imagine that is why there are rules about this in the first place.

This sounds awful - more an endurance test than a holiday!
Nobody, child or adult should be sleeping in a bathroom either.

Can you see any way out of this? It sounds like hell.

I agree. This seems like a fire hazard and a really bad idea.

YANBU. Say something!

Well you may have your answer there in terms of over-occupancy of the property - perhaps you should give your friend a call and explain, see what the friend says, and then tell MIL that it's simply not an option and you'll all lose the booking if too many people turn up.

Also, if the fire brigade had to go in and rescue people from the cottage they would be looking for a certain number of guests

Not really- they wouldnt know how many to expect. They wouldnt call the owner before starting to put the fire out. Similar to hotels- it's not as though people swipe in and out. They have no idea who they're looking for.

BUT, given the OP booked it through a friend, her trump card is to say she doesnt want to act in bad faith with the friend. I would be really really pissed off if I let my house to a mate and they squashed loads of extra people into it.

Tell DH to read this thread, then he must ring his DM and tell her this breaks the t & c's.

Putting a one year old to sleep next to the toilet is grim.

How about if MIL and FIL had him alternate nights with you while SIL is staying? So you should only have 1 or 2 bad nights and still have a decent holiday all round.

I accept that the principle would really rankle but it does sound like it's not malicious.

Ok, Can'tsee that is news to me. At my DCs school if we ever went in to see a play or do anything on the premises we had to sign in due to fire regulations. Thought that would apply here too.

My gorgeous DM is like this - very kind, loves people to be happy and is thoughtlessly generous, and often throws already made plans open to include others without stopping to think through the impact on everyone else. Often because that impact has never affected her so she doesn't understand it, exactly like a baby that parents know wake at every sound from bitter experience, but she might only know in theory. She is then upset when she discovers that the people she's now dropped in it aren't too thrilled! No ill will, no deliberate intention to manipulate at all, but still a problem.

I've learned to be gently but persistently firm about 'you can't change plans I'm included in on my behalf without checking with me first - I get a say in this too." And it often involves her being a bit hurt and upset, and sometimes I get the 'I can't do right for doing wrong' line, but it was either let her realise there are consequences to her doing this, or me seething in silence because of being massively inconvenienced and my experience messsed up. Particularly when had I been included in the planning we could easily have managed it better so everyone could have had a good time! Often too other family members are victims of this in that they turn up to the chaos she's created and are horrified that I and other family members have been dropped in it to include them. They never would have agreed if they'd known. In my case it's that she sees me really still as an extension of her and so if she makes a plan over my head it doesn't matter.

1. MiL CHECK THE BOOKING. It may well be YOU CANT DO THIS.
2. Do we need/can we afford a bigger place so we can accomodate this?
3. If you can't afford a bigger cottage at full price - oh dear. Well DS can't sleep in the bathroom, if he doesn't have a room to himself he won't sleep and neither will anyone else. So what else is an option MiL? airing cupboards? your bathroom?
4. This isn't a good idea, is it MiL? What can we do about it?

Also may I point out that your SIL would not be having a free hol AT YOUR EXPENSE but at the expense of everyone, aka also your MIL and your BIL.
You don't get to say more of a say than anyone else.
you aren't happy. Your MIL wants your SIL there. What about your BIL?

I don't generally rock the boat, but hell no, not a chance would i put up with this.

Offer that she can sleep in your bathroom for a couple of days. Cheeky shit.

You must check the maximum occupancy number for the cottage. Usually the same as the number of beds. That may well exclude the possibility of extra people. If you break that rule it's quite possible the owner will throw you out on your ear, it's not a deduction from deposit issue.

Then decide whether it would still be a holiday for you, with ds in your room.

I completely understand why it wouldn't be - when dd was this age, if sharing our room, she'd wake at 5-5.30am, see us and pop up awake for the day. If in her own room she'd go back to sleep until ooh, 6.30-7am. That, to me, is the difference between 'holiday' because we're in a different place with different people and 'actually, less restful than being at home, exhausted and not enjoying the place or people by the end of the week, so why bother?'.

If you can accept ds in your room, only then address costs. I'd suggest either a split between the three original couples on a 'per room' basis (PIL 1, you 1.5, BIL 2.5 to sort out with his SIL as they wish), differently if PIL want to contribute more towards bringing everyone together, or a more precise 'per room per night' basis (so number of rooms x nights stayed, 5x7 = 35, attribute costs in units of 1/35).

She is not the SIL though, its her SILs sister. She is not the MILs daughter!

YANBU! I'd actually pay to NOT go on that holiday. It sounds bloody awful.

Badger the op wanted the extra room for her child so her and her oh can relax. I know what it's like to have a restless toddler the lack of sleep. I have spoken to my partner about a separate bedroom so I can finally get some rest. It's hard work and I get why the op doesn't want to accommodate for bil's wife sister. The bathroom is not a safe option ask any HV or SW. The op told her from the beginning that she wanted a room for him or else there won't be much of a holiday.

Op you can either politely decline and tell her something's come up or you sleep in the living room.

I'd turn it around onto her and say that you were really sorry to hear that they wanted sil to come instead of you and your family and who should you give your bank details to to take over your share of the cost... Keep the bit about the friend giving you a discount and thus the price potentially going up back initially to give you more ammo later on if needed.

If you present it as of course we're not coming if there aren't enough bedrooms for us, why do you think we said at the very beginning that we needed two bedrooms, that was the key factor that meant we were able to join in with the holiday and the reason you got the good deal on the booking through me. If that has changed then you obviously don't want us there.

Then that gives you the power in the negotiations - as if they want you there then you get what you booked. If not, you're not there. Makes it her problem, rather than you having to agree to arrangements you don't want to.