To wonder why somebody would go through life with no friends?

[damnedgrubble]

I don't mean no friends now, I mean no friends ever? Surely a person must have had at least one friend when they were at school?
I fail to see how this would happen to a person if I'm honest, it's so bizarre.

hutchblue how do you know what my life is like?

All these people on here who say they have no friends do they have a DP?

No, I've been single for 2 years. I think it makes it harder to meet people as well, because I don't go out socialising. It's also pretty awkward when you do meet someone and they ask what you do at the weekends etc - Erm.... Nothing, I'm a loner.

hutchblue how do you know what my life is like?

Nobody know what your life is like.

You posted a goadily worded OP, declined to provide any detail or clarification, then buggered off the thread.

Hardly any wonder posters have started to try to fill in the blanks...

I was raised in an abusive and deeply unhappy environment, and never learned how "normal" people act. My adult life has been a learning process, deliberately attending to and acquiring social skills most people pick up unconsciously when they're young. I have to think about every word I say, every expression I show on my face, and whether it matches what's "expected". I still get it wrong quite a lot. I find that I get on well with most people superficially, but struggle to develop a deeper connection (I just have no idea how to do it).

Thankfully, some people get past that and meet the "real me". I've had to work really hard to build three close friendships where I can be myself. I value them a great deal, but it was very hard work.

rent

declined to provide any detail or clarification, then buggered off the thread.

hardly likely, or surprising, that I haven't posted much given that I was given a hard time from the outset.

Then why not admit that it was a misguided or ill-informed post? There is nothing wrong with learning something new - or not understanding things around you. Perhaps you were genuine in your astonishment, hopefully now your opinion has changed?

hardly likely, or surprising, that I haven't posted much given that I was given a hard time from the outset.

There was no detail in the OP, which one might reasonably expect given the goady wording delicate and sensitive nature of the topic.

Ill informed in that I didn't understand it, and still don't but I do know a lot more about myself now.

Why should I give detail about my private life on a public forum? We can choose if we do or don't and I choose not to on the whole.

Some people were bullied at school and weirdly and bizarrely enough didn't make friends. #empathyfail

That's an interesting () stance to take when you are questioning the personal circumstances of others.

you still don't understand how some people don't have friends? Is that what you are saying?

I'd love friends but I'm too nervous to start up conversations with people I don't know. My DC keep me fully occupied so I don't get out without at least one of them. I can't see myself having friends in the future because I don't know how to go about it. School friends all drift away. Dh is my best friend now. Dh has workmates but doesn't see any of them outside of work.

Horrible post, I would rather have no friends than be friends with someone like you.

Don't feed the GF, people!

Why should I give detail about my private life on a public forum? We can choose if we do or don't and I choose not to on the whole.

So why on earth do you think it's appropriate for you to ask other people to start sharing painful, personal details about their lives when you're not willing to do the same?

Why do you think it's reasonable to ask of others something you're not willing to do yourself?

Well some people have tried (very hard even) when younger but they kept being rejected,laughed at,lied to etc and after a point in time they just gave up.
Some people,due to the way the grew up don't actually know how to open up,share and bond on a deeper level.
It also depends what you mean by friends. Someone I know considers everyone she socialises with a friend,so she has dozens. I consider friends the people that i know i cpuld ring at 3am if i needed to or lend me a sofa if i had nowhere else to go. As such,i only have a couple of friends.

"I also think your choice of words are unfortunate. To describe people's life experience, be it by choice or circumstance, as 'bizarre' sounds very judgemental and I should imagine cause distress to those people who are friendless through circumstance and not choice."

I agree. I think the OP seems to be completely lacking in empathy.

Also,some people are very shy,or anxious,or introverts or just simply enjoy their own company.

What do you mean by a 'friend'?

I have loads of people that I am friendly with, and I frequently socialize. I get on well with work colleagues and have stayed in touch with people from previous places I've lived/worked etc. My Facebook feed is full.

BUT - I don't have one or two people that I see all the time & confide in. Quite frankly, I'm not sure I want to. I have DH for emotional support, and I've found that too often people see their friends as people to ask favors from, spread gossip about, and then be too busy when they're asked to return favors. I don't need other people involved in (and judging, more often than not) the minutiae of my life, and I don't feel the lest bit lonely or unloved.

I wish I'd worked that out when I was younger.

Blimey who knew that op's question would be so inflammatory. I do wonder whether there are a lot of defensive responses of people who find the question a little close to home. I sadly, have a few members of the family (step family) who have absolutely no friends, never have and don't currently and can't seem to form relationships with people. In their cases I think it's a combination of having very little to offer in terms of friendships and being inept at forming bonds. Friendships are a two way street of give and take and quite frankly, the family members I am referring to are just too selfish to offer anything other than take, take, take and so people keep their distance. It's a self fulfilling prophecy, sadly. However, I am also aware that there are many other reasons as mentioned above such as financial problems, moving around a lot, children with SN. I think you'll probably know the reasons why

Do you have friends op?

I do wonder whether there are a lot of defensive responses of people who find the question a little close to home.

No need to wonder. Of course there are. If this was 'close to home', it would be very hurtful to hear it described as 'bizarre'.

Having no friends is stigmatised enough as it is, as the rest of your post showed so clearly.

"I do wonder whether there are a lot of defensive responses of people who find the question a little close to home."

I think that's true. DD has had friendship issues through secondary school. Bullying destroyed her self esteem and she finds it difficult to trust people.