To think I'm not arrogant at all.

[Notdavidbrent]

I think I'm reasonably physically attractive and good at my job. I come across confident and I've worked very hard in my career and feel I'm good at my job. My appraisals show that.

I think sometimes I can be a bit lazy. I can get too upset by things. I can be very hard on myself if I don't do things well. I find it very hard to be a Mum and don't think I was made to be one. I can't accept and learn to love the area I live in. I can see where I could improve.

I don't think I'm arrogant but I do have a very confident manner. I walk upright and show
confident body language but I think this is largely due to the fact I did ballet for many years and learnt poise from that.

Something I've been aware of for several years is, I get the feeling people find me arrogant.

Some examples:

I find people tell me how 'common' other people are a lot. They joke about someone being uneducated or uncultured and seem to think I will sympathise and agree when in reality I'm secretly horrified!

People often say things like 'I know you wouldn't shop in Aldi but it's great. Imagine not having a degree. Have you seen what she is wearing, she always wears the same three dresses'. It's as if they're expecting me to agree with these awful statements.

My work colleagues joke that I don't ever swear and I'm posh.

My boss always asks me before I hand work over by saying 'go on, tell me how good this piece of work is'.

I hear 'she thinks she can have any man and any job she wants'.

And just last week the new assistant said 'I'm going to try and be less common around you'.

I've overheard people say 'she's pretty but she knows it', 'I doubt she'd ever get a job as a cleaner while waiting for our office to be reloacated' among other pretty nasty things.

I come from a very working class background. I lost all three of my siblings by the time I was 17 and have endured hardships most people can't even imagine.

My mum can't read or write and my dad is a cleaner. I got a scholarship to a private school and so have picked up a posh accent and mannerisms but I'm by no means posh. I have never and would never judge someone on their clothes, social class or wealth. And yet, I get the impression people find me over confident and snobby. These are just a few examples.

I've found this is not the case among other managers who always describe me as down to earth and genuine and I've had excellent references and appraisals that have described how warm and genuine I am.

Yet, it's only managers who seem to see the person I am. I get the feeling people find me a bit of a snobby, arrogant cow.

AIBU to say I'm really not and be surprised people find me arrogant?

I think the assistants feel that you have come from a background most like them, so they simultaneously resent you for your achievements, for stepping above you 'station', but also envy you and want to be like you because of what you have achieved, so look for your approval. I am not suggesting this is conscious.
You do sound a little superior in your posts, which won't help.

I simply don't understand why you don't correct people's incorrect assumptions, or disagree with unkind comments. By saying nothing, you are seen to be tacitly agreeing with their assertions.

To speak up doesn't mean getting involved in gossip or increasing the spread of any rumours. But if people know nothing about you and you don't give them any hint that their views about you aren't right, then they will continue to believe you are snobbish/arrogant/whatever.

So if someone says to you 'oh I know you'd never shop in Aldi' you just smile and say something like 'oh I don't know where you got that idea, I think it's brilliant' or something along those lines.

" I think it's a genuine question from a confident, yet introspective woman in a society where female confidence is seen as suspect -- but the replies are incredibly revealing of (presumably most female) attitudes to female confidence. Basically, the message seems to be 'Self-deprecate to be liked!'"

I've worked with many people male and female and regardless of sex the people who are the most successful tend to be somewhat self-deprecating and relatable in the model of servant- leadership. There's a difference between being self-deprecating and presenting yourself as a team member and actually being down on yourself. If you visited my organisation you'd most likely mistake the CEO for the office boy and he is a very successful man!

I don't think the OP thinks too highly of herself but the comments her colleagues make to her indicate that they think she is a snob and they are trying to pander to that to relate to her.