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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just tell them no friends can come now?!!

138 replies

Floofborksnootandboop · 12/03/2017 12:00

In October we stared booking a holiday for the summer this year. we said all of DCs could bring a friend, DSs decided to invite their girlfriends, DD1 didn't want to bring a friend as she just enjoys spending time as a family and DD2 had invited a friend.

At the time there was a few problems with DS2s girlfriend coming, she didn't know if she would be able to afford it or whether her parents would let her come as they kept changing their mind at the time. DD2 was also very unclear on whether her friend would be coming and I never got any replies from her mum when I texted. We went ahead and just booked without them but let them know we could add to the booking if they did decide they were coming but it would add £50 pp on.

Last Friday DDs friend slept over and they talked about the holiday and told me she really wants to come but she would struggle to be able to pay for it all at once. She's been a friend of DDs for years and I know her mum very well so DH said that we would pay the full amount now and they can pay us back as much as they can over a few months.

DS2 then starts kicking off because his girlfriend can't come it isn't fair. I am happy to have the same arrangement with her and have explained that but for some reason that isn't good enough for them and I guess they expect me to just pay for it! They've now decided if she can't come DS1s girlfriend shouldn't be allowed to come, she has already paid though and there have been no issues with that so I'm not willing to tell her she is uninvited.

Now DS won't speak to me and has been at his girlfriends all week, any time he does text me it's to have a go about favouring other DCs over him.

I just want to say to him fuck off, we are doing something nice and he's ruined it and now no one can have any friends to come!

OP posts:
BonnyScotland · 12/03/2017 19:51

is he home yet OP ..... is he humble and understanding x

MyGastIsFlabbered · 12/03/2017 20:59

Did he come back for his dinner?

GoodnightSeattle · 12/03/2017 21:24

Incidentally OP, why isn't she able to afford it? Does she not have a job? What does she do instead, college/uni? Are her parents not able to help out as DDs friends are?

Just seems odd, all the late teens I know are always heading off to different parts of the world, they all manage to pay for it somehow. Seems to be a really normal thing. I struggle to believe she could only pay £20 a month?

Your son sounds immature and unable to see it from anyone else's perspective. You have paid for either some or all of the fare for your own children and have agreed to loan either some or all of the fare for their friends. You are happy to loan to her too. Why on earth would either of them think it's okay to ask you to pay the full fare for her?! That's really cheeky.

And that dinner comment, I would have flipped my lid so kudos to you for keeping relatively cool! How dare you cook a meal for your own family that they all like eh, don't you know you should only be cooking things that this girl likes in case she deigns to grace you with her presence, otherwise you're just being petty HmmAngry

Falafelfun · 12/03/2017 21:28

i would probably have a chat alone with him and go through those texts with him. I'd ask why when asked if he's going to be at a family roast, he became demanding and rude about his GF not being fed. Ask if he is the mouth piece for his GF? Can't he think for himself? Youre treating kids all fairly, yet he's rudly demanding favouritism.

Contact her mother. Tell her they are being incredibly rude and demanding. You won't tolerate them throwing their weight around to get their own way.

CookieLady · 12/03/2017 21:38

Shock Nothing useful to add. Just Shock

rollonthesummer · 13/03/2017 07:45

She sounds like she will seriously ruin everyone's holiday if she does end up coming. She sounds awful!

Original poster
Floofborksnootandboop · 13/03/2017 11:01

Sorry only just got time to sit down!

At 6 I text him to tell him dinner is almost ready so be home soon, at half 7 they both finally came home. I think he was hoping we would have finished so he didn't have to sit at the table with us and could go eat in his room. We had already ate dinner but was just getting desert ready so made him sit and eat with us anyway! After he finished I told him I wanted to talk to him alone so his girlfriend stomped off up stairs and kept calling down to ask if he was almost done. That just made me want to take longer. We had a good chat about him needing to stop thinking everything is so unfair on him because he isn't getting what he wants and if he wants us to do nice things for him and his girlfriend he needed to start putting more into the family, not coming home from working, making a mess then pissing off to his girlfriends and ignoring his chores. He said he understands and would try so we will see how that lasts. I then just had a little talk about this being our house not his girlfriends so things we do and people who are over can't be dictated by her. He told me she gets upset about how much time everyone spends with the other girlfriend and that's why she sometimes is funny with me. I knew that already though. Then called the girlfriend down and we talked about the holiday, I made it clear from the start that we will not pay for her to go, we won't be telling anyone they can't come because she can't and we won't give in to tantrums, whether it be before we go or when we are there. If anyone starts because they aren't getting there own way they will be left behind. She is going to talk to her parents tonight and see what they say and hopefully get back to me soon!

OP posts:
Original poster
Floofborksnootandboop · 13/03/2017 11:02

He also had to come home after work tonight and tidy his room. It's absolutely disgusting!

After that we've also agreed he will spend sometime at home during the weeks and at least every other weekend here.

OP posts:
bloodyteenagers · 13/03/2017 11:05

Did I just read that right?
She gets pissed off about guests in your home?

Falafelings · 13/03/2017 11:12

It sounds like she's quite a demanding princess and shaping his opinions/thoughts. Maybe you need to spend some time weekly with DS alone. Doing something you enjoy together, just so he stays more grounded.

Don't put up with her moodiness towards you. Next time ask her 'is there something you want to say because your behaving quite sulky'

dowhatnow · 13/03/2017 11:27

Why couldn't she talk to her parents and see what they say before now?

I think you have been incredibly patient. I'd have rescinded the invite ages ago.

Perhaps best to talk rather than do it by text though. although it wouldn't have been so interesting for us

Catherinebee85 · 13/03/2017 11:34

Ooh no your daughters friend and mum has been completely reasonable by the sounds of it and shouldn't suffer. ..as long as you're sure you will get paid for it.

Your son kicking needs to get a grip and you should tell him so. He's behaving like a massive child. If he pulled out would he get his money back? Maybe you should suggest that as an option? His girlfriend absolutely can't go on holiday for free. That's life!

Benedikte2 · 13/03/2017 11:43

Well done Floof for the reasonable and calm way you managed the discussions. Hope you have a great holiday which ever way it turns out

Original poster
Floofborksnootandboop · 13/03/2017 12:00

Well, she gets funny when ever DS1s girlfriend is over, that's more what I meant when I said she can't get pissed off about who comes over. We did talk to her parents earlier on when we first started booking but there were very unclear and kept changing their minds every few days.

OP posts:
emmyrose2000 · 13/03/2017 12:16

I wouldn't even want this spoilt little brat coming on holiday with me. She sounds just like the type to try and ruin it for everyone else with her horrible attitude and behaviour.

If she does decide to deign you with her presence, I wouldn't pay for her upfront and expect to be paid back (as the other friend has done). I'd only accept full payment upfront, as there's no doubt in my mind that if you allow her to pay you back then she and DS will then try everything to get out of repaying it.

Falafelings · 13/03/2017 12:29

How old is she?

A1Sharon · 13/03/2017 12:39

Jaysus! She has a brass neck. She kept calling down to ask if he was done?!
Someone needs a boot up the arse.
You've handled it perfectly OP. I hope to god she doesn't come on the holiday, she'll be a PITA.

QueenofallIsee · 13/03/2017 12:44

My goodness, admittedly I have not had to handle this situation but my first thought is that I would not have that entitled little madam in my house. The last thing i can ever see myself doing is being welcoming to someone who things that they can 'get funny with me' in my own fucking house.

You have the patience of a saint OP, fair play to you

Willow2017 · 13/03/2017 12:49

Wow she sounds horrendous. Kept calling down to hurry you up?😠would have been telling her we would be finished when I said so and to stfu (nicely😉).
She sounds like she is manipulating your son to have everything revolve round her. I would be spending time with him to reclaim the lovely boy you used to have before she got her claws into him.
Spoiled little madam.
Well done you. And do not wait until last minute to let them decide if she is coming or not give them a date and stick to it or she will mess you around and think its ok she is vying with you for control and I think she has picked the wrong person here😉

Edballsisoneniftydancer · 13/03/2017 12:51

I share the outrage (and then some) of everyone on here, but being a dreaded MiL I am having a quiet laugh to myself that in a few years down the line this young brat or someone very like her will probably be bleating on here about her hugely unreasonable and overbearing MiL (just imagine I go over there for dinner and she KNOWS I hate roasts and cooks them anyway, gasp, swoon) and getting a fair amount of sympathy for it.

Jus' saying'. OP you are playing a blinder: all power to you!

Puzzledandpissedoff · 13/03/2017 12:55

We did talk to her parents earlier on when we first started booking but there were very unclear and kept changing their minds every few days

In that case I'm afraid I wouldn't leave it to DS and his GF to talk further with them; since it's your money at risk I'd do it yourself, and if they don't like it that's too bad ... if you act like a child you get treated like one

Well handled on the whole though - and since teenage romances often don't last, it's to be hoped that one day, your DS can look back on this and learn something from it

Falafelings · 13/03/2017 13:00

She's 18/19. What's stopping her from getting a part time job and earning the cash to go on holiday

Original poster
Floofborksnootandboop · 13/03/2017 13:21

I have leftnjt completely down to them now, I've given them to the end of the month to tell me and after than I will just assume she won't be coming and no more changes will be made to the booking.

She is 18, she has a part time job.

I am slightly ashamed to admit, whilst I do like her, I have recently told DH that I really do hope he doesn't end up marrying her. I just have nightmare of what it will be like if they have kids together.

OP posts:
Edballsisoneniftydancer · 13/03/2017 13:23

I have recently told DH that I really do hope he doesn't end up marrying her. I just have nightmare of what it will be like if they have kids together.

This I can understand!

...whilst I do like her

This I can't!

Original poster
Floofborksnootandboop · 13/03/2017 13:36

When she's being nice she is really nice, DH can't stand her though!

OP posts: