To want him fired

[StupidSlimyGit]

I've name changed for this as it could be very identifying and it's going to be a long one sorry. I'm open to being told I'm being unreasonable but want some advice.
I work for a very large retail company in one of their smallish stores as does my DP, we have maybe around 100 colleagues at most and I always thought it was a pretty friendly place to work.
I've not long had a baby, back when I was pregnant my dp had a wobble and we took a break so we could both decide what we wanted, we are back together now and have been happily so for several months. When I was about 6 months pregnant a colleague I don't know very well but who I shd worked with on occasion added me on facebook and sent me some very explicit messages. Also asked for photos of me baked, holding my boobs, in a nightie etc. I laughed the whole thing off, made fun of him for asking and blocked him from messaging me. He made it very clear in these messages he had been looking at my breasts while I was working and I found it very uncomfortable to work around him after that. I didn't report it because said colleague was recently married and had a baby of his own a few weeks old at home aswell as another child and I felt guilty that I could ruin his life. My dp when we got back together noticed how uncomfortable I was and asked about it, then, when told about the messages, went to see our stores manager without my permission who called me into her office to discuss it. I showed her the messages and discussed it but didn't put in a formal complaint as I didn't want it to end up with him fired and his wife and children in trouble financially. It was agreed that the manager would have a talk with him about appropriate behaviour, warn him that if anything like this happened again he would be in trouble, then we could all move on with our lives. That was then done. I have wondered whether I should tell his wife but not done so because I don't know if it's my place?
Since then I've found out that he has done this to other women where I work, including making one so uncomfortable she has quit her job. I have been very unsure since then on whether I made the right decision, should I have taken the offer of a formal disciplinary to make sure he knows he can't get away with it even if it meant he might have been fired?
Since then I've had my baby and noticed when I go in to do my shopping tiny town, only really one option to shop plus I get staff discount there is a real atmosphere when I'm around the team he works with and people he talks to a lot. I feel incredibly uncomfortable and am visibly shunned when I'm there which has made my preexisting anxiety worse and has made returning to work at the end of my maternity leave seem terrifying.
Today when shopping several people sniggered as I walked past, and I got up the courage to ask someone I'm friends with and can trust if she had heard anything. She admitted that everyone has heard about me and him sexting while I was pregnant and the naked photos I sent to him, apparently he has even shown some of the boys the photos!!!! I didn't send anything so they can't be me and certainly haven't engaged in sexting, I still have the conversation on my phone to prove it. Now I was single at the time, so it isn't like it could ruin my life, and my DP has seen the conversation between me and colleague on my phone so he knows nothing went on anyway, but I feel like my reputation is in shreds. I've been trying not to cry since I got home and I'm shaking knowing what they think of me and what bits of me some of the male colleagues think they have seen. I have agoraphobia and it's taken me so long to get into work and think of it as one of my safe zones, now I'm trembling at the thought of going back. I want to be sick.
DP and I can't afford for me not to work, so I cant just quit till I find something else, but I don't know what to do now. WIBU to go back to my manager, tell her what is being said and demand he has some serious repercussions? What about going to head office and requesting an internal investigation hopefully leading to him being moved/fired?
I feel guilty because it would be horrible for his wife to find out this way and I keep thinking about his kids but surely he is the one in the wrong? Should I tell his wife?
Sorry for length I'm trying not to drip feed.

Thank goodness! OP they have behaved dreadfully.

This is great news!

I'm so pleased to hear that. Thank goodness someone is listening at last. We're all here for you!

Good to hear something positive happening at last but I feel they should be sacking him and at worst it should have been him being transferred from the start absolutely not you!

OP, He is an absolute SH!T of the highest order. ( I have only read first page, so may be duplicating comments, but got angered into commenting) He doesn't deserve to work with you. Go to your manager with this. You did your best to not get him in trouble initially. What he has done in my mind is appalling and a disciplinary matter/sacking. I am also sure that this would also have legal implications. Isn't there a law against this now (revenge porn-although nothing happened between you two, but against sharing images like that) also was he sharing these images at work (can be traced) U will not be getting him fired, his own actions did. Feel sorry for his poor wife and child. I am raging on your behalf 👿 Stay strong. You have to look after you and your baby now. Don't let fukface get away with that..xx💐💐

Finally someone is doing their job!

I'd seriously consider going to the papers about this.

If the shop wants to protect their reputation then they need to protect and look after their staff and appropriately deal with staff who behave like a cunt break guidelines and if they don't then their reputation suffers.

Hopefully the shop manager will get a bollocking from head office as well.

I am so glad that Head Office HR now know what has happened and understand that they have a duty of care to deal with it!!

This is great news! I really hope he gets transferred or even better fired! It must be great to have someone taking it seriously.

Oh, I'm so glad somebody's taking it seriously. Really hope you get the outcome you want OP.

Please have you and your DH document everything regarding reviewing work, and get copies of previous good performance appraisals if you can. Can you check with your legal advisor as to what protections you and your DH have as 'whistleblowers'? I think the company are on very dodgy ground if they try to make you redundant as a good lawyer could argue that it is in retaliation for making the complaints.

Make no mistake, what this man did is disgusting, slanderous, and libelous. Can you imagine doing that to another person, faking that they sent nude photos to you and showing it to their work colleagues? No, of course you can't, it would never have occurred to you to do such a thing.

Also, it might be worth finding the name of the person in your union who sent the email to head office. That person is on your side and might be a useful source of help and advice.

Oh thats great news!

Absolutely brilliant update

That's really positive news OP, I'm so pleased that this is now been dealt with appropriately.

About bloody time too!
Everyone in your company seems ineffectual and your union was as much use as a chocolate teapot! WTAF are they there for if they cannot represent you in a sexual harrasment case?

Then men wonder why women claim to be discriminated about in the workplace when shit like this is passed over.

Its not rocket science its harrassment then there is the lying about you (slander) then showing pictures of 'you' to work collegues. My kids could work out that thats breaching every rule in the book!

Hope your new ally takes it all the way and asses are kicked all the way down the management trail and mr creepy gets his ass handed to him on a plate.

OMG OP. Get him fired asap. No less than he deserves. What a fucking creep. To my mind,it sounds like a police matter too,might be worth calling 101 and asking their advice,or go into your nearest police station and reporting it. No way should he get away this. for you and good luck with sorting this out.

Oops didn't read the full thread. Well done,brilliant news.

OP you're doing BRILLIANTLY here and I'm so glad that you are being taken seriously by HQ.

One thing that jumps out at me is this:

They wanted an outcome I would accept other than him being fired and I've said that if we are never in store at the same time. The problem with this is I work strange hours for childcare reasons so he is going to suggest Mr Slimy is transferred.

This is EXACTLY what people are so shocked to hear that the Catholic church was doing when a priest sexually assaulted somebody - they would move heaven and earth before actually SACK the slimy bastard. It's extraordinary that they want to cause even MORE trouble for themselves, because all that will happen is that he will sexually harass more women in his next store, and your employer will have to do this all over again.

Can anybody who was shown the photographs verify this in writing (like an email or a FB message), do you think? And verify that he/she was shown them with the clear implication that they were of you?

This is a good start - let's see if they follow through.

When you said that you thought it would be a possibility for you both never to be in the same store at the same time, did you mean that potentially he could stay at the existing store, but just work opposite shifts? If so, I think you would still be vulnerable. Don't forget that he has trashed your reputation with your co-workers, and would continue to do so, just perhaps a little more subtly.

You could still go back to them and say you have had a chance to think it over, and that the minimum you would feel comfortable (and safe!) with is that he is transferred to another store, and that he is not to come to your store, either as an employee or as a customer.

I would also be seeking assurances in writing that both you & your OH are formally recognised as being whistleblowers in this matter.

Really glad to have this update. I've been wondering about this. Hope it continues positive.

At last - someone is doing what they are supposed to do in situations like this - investigate, secure your ability to work in a threat free environment and to look at punishing the perpetrator, not the victim.

Don't doubt your sanity. As you can see on here, any sane self respecting woman would take this seriously and want it dealt with professionally. Stick to your guns.

Good grief, OP. This man is VILE, and you don't deserve any of this. You've done nothing wrong at all.

I am astonished the police can't do anything to help.

I am astonished your employers haven't either moved this slimy toad to another shop or fired him already.

If I were in your position I'd consider contacting the local pressor even the national pressand telling them about your troubles. That might shake things up a bit.

OP, just seen your last update. So glad 💐

Really glad to see your update and that you are being taken seriously at last. It sounds like your manager wanted to make a molehill out of a mountain.