Ok so I need to rant so apologies for the long post.
Basically my partner (28) and I (25) are getting married this summer and according to MIL every little thing that we've done since is wrong and somehow suggests that we don't love each other and the marriage is doomed to failure.
Our "proposal" went something like this:
(On the way home from a friend's wedding)
Him: That'll be us someday...
Me: (smiling) yeah
Him: Someday soon?
Me: Okay
Him: (couple of mins later)...Are we engaged?
Me: Yeah (kiss)
That evening he asked if I wanted to go with him ring shopping or if I wanted him to chose. I told him I really didn't want a ring (I think it's an outdated tradition, I would have to take it off for my job everyday anyway, our finances aren't fantastic, I'm not a fan of diamonds etc.) Evidently not the response he was expecting and he was a bit surprised but agreed. A couple of weeks later he surprised me with an antique 1st edition book from my favourite author with a lovely message from him inside. It's beautiful and perfect and my most treasured possession.
We told people the next day. My parents were over the moon, they really like him and they're normal human beings. MIL gave partner a really hard time for not proposing "properly" and kept going on about how disappointed she was that there were no photos (of what? we were on a train and obviously no ring or anything!). I was really annoyed on his behalf. Then she had a go at me for not wanting a ring suggesting I had some reason for wanting to keep the engagement secret. She then said even if I didn't want a new ring I should wear something on that finger so people "knew I was taken". I'm not sure if I should be offended or complimented by her belief in my appeal to the opposite sex! Anyway we all moved on aside from the occasional "they're engaged, not that you'd know it... she doesn't want a ring apparently..."
So we knew we wanted to get married soon and wanted a nice honeymoon (it was the middle of winter!), but neither of us were that fussed about the big white wedding so it was an easy decision to have a smaller, cheaper wedding and spend on a holiday. My parents offered to give us some money towards it but I graciously refused as we've both been working for some time, have our own savings etc. MIL never offered any money which is absolutely fine as we wouldn't expect it or have accepted anyway but she then took umbrage with our plans. "If you can't afford to do it properly now wait until you can" etc. Great, but I want to be married asap not have a wedding and tonne of debt some time in the distant future.
So wedding plans currently: 28 guests of family and close friends (16 for me, 12 for him), intimate secular wedding ceremony in a pretty location, private room for nice meal in a fancy restaurant and then booked a couple of booths at a trendy nightclub we both know and love for whoever wants to party with us afterwards. Dress code smart casual for us all (clothes we can re-wear yay!). Mum's already told me she's still going to wear a fascinator because she's mother of the bride and no one can stop her and dad wants me to make sure the club will take requests so he can dance with me to "our" song (we danced to it at my 16th). This is exactly the reaction I wanted and shows how it can be simple and quirky and still work for us. Obviously MIL is a different story and to be honest I've been leaving DP deal with her over most of it but I know she's thoroughly disapproving.
Most recent development has been over speeches. In short I really, really don't want them. I've never been to a wedding where they didn't make me feel awkward and uncomfortable. Not that they were dreadfully bad or anything I'm just a bit weird that way (I hate stand-up comedy too)! I hadn't even really thought about them until DP was talking about how he was dreading it. He was very happy to knock the whole thing on the head and so was my dad. Bearing in mind it's just a group of us sat around one table as opposed to a big hall anyway I really don't think we need them. I imagine my dad will probably lead a toast or something and obviously we'll say a quick thank you but really with so few guests everyone knows how special they are to us and we'll be able to go round and talk to/ thank everyone individually anyway.
So just got off the phone to MIL who had just found out that her son wouldn't be giving a speech. She was crying, telling me I'm ruining her sons wedding and clearly don't want to be getting married. I reassured her that I did, that I love her son more than anyone else in the world, that we were both planning the wedding that would be right for us together. I tried to find out why it all bothers her so much but all she seemed to say was that I was being a fool and I'd look back on this one day and regret it. I somehow ended up apologising for not running the details re speeches etc past her earlier (!) but at this stage I'd do anything for her to just let us do what we want.
To be honest I think she might have more of a problem with me than the wedding but I don't know why. We had a good relationship up to all this, I really love her son and I'm a nice person I promise! It's just really getting me down and although I'd never act on it it's getting so that I don't really want her there as I'm going to feel like she's just finding fault with everything! Ugh!
Obviously DP and I have spoken about this lots. He's completely happy with the wedding we've planned and very excited about it (he's even making some distressed wood flower planter things for our table decorations