To be annoyed at this "gifting"?

[luckylucky24]

When we found out we were having a girl, lots of people offered us clothes etc. We accepted, sifted through what we wanted and donated what we didn't. Someone at DH work though gave DH 4 bin bags full of clothes, age 2+ so not even useful right now and a lot of it is not even in good condition. There are scuffed shoes and very worn coats. Dh came home with loads of huge toys from her the week after. Again not useful and all too big anyway so they went straight to the tip (some of these were that horrible felt material that cannot be cleaned properly so no use to charity). I started to feel pretty quickly that she was just offloading her crap but DH says he would rather accept it and dispose of it himself than say refuse the stuff.
He brought home a rubber ring the other day! Seriously? WTF gifts a rubber ring?! I pointed out he could have been truthful and said "thanks but DD has one" but he said it was less hassle to accept it.
AIBU to think she is taking the piss and using us to offload stuff she cannot be arsed to dispose of herself?

I work in a charity shop. We get so much well worn/soiled/shrunken kids stuff it is unbelievable -it just doesn't sell. As for toys, I think parents just can't come to terms with the fact their kids have had the best of them and they are only fit for the bin.Who wants a coloured in colouring book, a game with bits missing or stained soft toys.... they can't bear to bin it, so it comes to us... I think your husbands colleague has found a way of disposing which is easier on the soul than binning. Poor you. Get your hubby to say your house is bursting at the seams with kids stuff, at a time when she hasn't brought him anything, might make her think.

I think I would say to DH that if he can't say no then it stays in his car until he gets rid of it... not in the bin!

Yabu. I didn't get given any second hand clothes; I was the first in my circle to have kids. It would have been very useful to have a few bags of extras, especially during the messy stages of weaning and toilet training when you go through outfit after outfit.

Furthermore, textiles make up a huge proportion of landfill; we owe it to future generations to minimise this by getting as much use out of clothes as we can before binning them.

There are some disgraceful attitudes on this thread.

I am really surprised by some answers here. I doubt the motive is selfish ... Jesus.. This woman could have just binned it if she didn't want it. Of course we all love a good clean out but I think people are extrapolating a lot and helping a collegue with a new baby in any way you can is a nice thing to do..

Dh needs to say" you have been incredibly generous but we have no more room but thanks anyway"

I think she's being kind. I think your post on here sounds a bit ungrateful. Like someone else says it would have been far easier for her to throw it in her bin than to take it to work and give to your husband. If she has a few children she probably doesn't have hours to presort it for you. Best you polite decline and stop the thread.

PS Myself and dc love hand me downs! Understand those of you who are loaded or value things/money differently don't, but ranting about it? You sound spoilt!

I come from a family that uses worn out underpants as cleaning cloths so it wouldn't bother me, we'd find a use for them. :)

What bothers me is the word 'gifting'. Why 'gifting'?! When did this replace 'giving'? I always thought 'gifting' was some official tax-related term. Hate it.

You're being ungrateful . It's up to your husband to politely say no, if you don't have room for any more stuff, or if you don't want it . We received quite a lot of used clothes / toys etc when our son was born , all gratefully recieved and if any of it wasn't useful we passed it on to a charity shop or binned it if it wasn't in good enough condition . I have lots of old clothes and toys that our son has grown out of , but I feel quite attached to them , and I understand that there can be an emotional link to an object and that means that some people like to imagine that their children's cast offs will go on and be of use to another child .

I hate "gifting"..blee!
Love hand me downs though, and scuffed shoes - meh.
Wait til you are getting through 3 pairs a year, plus wellies, sandals that cost ££ and get worn 3 times, football boots for both turf and astroturf..and a child that gets through 3 pairs of socks a day (how??!)
You'll be gagging for some freebies!

SIL gifts us all her crap. 99 percent of it goes in the bin. It's usually old electrical appliances or duvet covers without the matching pillowcases - that kind of stuff. 1 week after her DH died she turned up with a suitcase of his stuff - socks with holes in, underpants, stinky trainers ... the lot! Some people just can't bear to throw away anything and this is how they justify getting rid. I agree with your DH - just accept graciously and then throw away. Why hurt someones feelings?

Ive actually stopped giving to my brother and sister in law and started either selling or donating to charity, it got to a stage where they were not appreciated and most of it was good quality and almost new condition given how fast my daughter grows! Last thing I gave was a beautiful tweed blazer, Dd only got to wear twice. Sil looked at it like it was dirt

If you don't want it then your husband has to tell them you don't need any more baby stuff.

I would hate to think that the people I have passed baby stuff on to had taken it to the tip.

I don't think there is anything wrong with scuffed shoes or second hand swimming rings!

YABU and very ungrateful.

If you don't want her stuff, tell her and give her the opportunity to pass it on to someone who might appreciate it.

I usually just tell them that we have too much stuff at the moment but thanks anyway.

I used to pass stuff on - kids grow very fast, kids wreck stuff, it's brilliant to have stuff ready ahead. I don't any more. I gave up after passing along some really sweet dressing up clothes (no, not pristine condition) and found out that the mum had thrown them away without even looking.

I can make it to the dump, obviously, but I hate this disposable society we live in where everything has to be immaculate. They're children for heavens sake. If they're loved, fed and kept clean is it really that important that their play clothes are perfect?

I didn't have oodles of money when mine were teeny and was really grateful for any pass-me-downs. Especially when they grow so fast and things get thrown away after a few wears.

I wish I was given some second hand/hand me downs when our DS was little. As both of our families live overseas and most of our friends were childless, we had to buy everything new. We could afford it but I would have loved to have sh clothes or toys, I think they tell a story and we would've cherish all, even the heavily used stuff.
I grew up wearing some tatty hand me downs and didn't have many clothes until I was a teenager so I re-use, upcycle or gift whatever is possible.
It makes me sad so many of you see your husbands colleague as a mean person, hopefully they will never experience poverty...

You are being unreasonable for saying 'gifting'

As for the old clothes gift give them to a charity shop, or recycle, if your DH is too polite to refuse.

I remember once sending my husband for a bag of girls clothes that were allegedly in 'great condition' from Freecyle only to find what he had been given was the kinda stuff that you take to the tip, dirty, scuffed, worn out stuff. It was very annoying and I thought of it when I read this.

Husband needs to stand up to said woman.

I had this when I was pregnant with my first with a family friend. It was sweet at first but became a little irritating as i became overwhelmed with the volume of stuff that I needed to sort through and find the time to dispose of because it was way past it's best. My husband ended up saying thanks but were struggling for space simply have no room for anything else. I do think sometimes people use it as an excuse to off load but with this friend she was simply getting excited and honestly thought I would use it all.

I was going to say that there are a lot of mean-spirited people on here. However, I am shocked that people donate dirty clothes! That is revolting.

My sister gave me a bin bag of clothes her DS had grown out of (teenager). It was all unwashed. (You can imagine what it smelt like) I was really pissed off by that, particularly as she had kept the best things (suits etc) for who knows what (they got put in her storage). I was just given the dirty, supermarket clothes.

I never give stuff that isn't in excellent condition. I always wash and iron it too.

I only pass on a select few clothes, things that are in good condition, washed, age-/season-appropriate etc. I don't want people to feel burdened by my used stuff. I try not to buy too much in the first place, so the kids get good wear out of everything.

I can't imagine that too many people would be thrilled to receive 4 bin bags worth of stained, dirty clothes with holes in them. And, no, you can't eBay them and charity shops won't want them either.

Roanoke is right. Some people are too lazy to take things to the dump or sort through things and have it included in small parts in their bin collection as clearly must things were meant to go into the bin from the description of items. On the other hand your husband should have said No, after the first time you reacted.

Also to add, agree with many who also find giving DIRTY, unwashed and Staines let alone tor and unusable hand me done clothes, whether to friends or family and charity shops is just disgusting and so disrespectful. I always wash and iron items before passing it on anywhere (except if it's going straight into my bin). I'm sure that people who buy from charity shops would wash the items after buying but that doesn't mean people should drop off dirty items - very bad.

Incorrect spelling meant "stained" and "torn"