To be annoyed at this "gifting"?

[luckylucky24]

When we found out we were having a girl, lots of people offered us clothes etc. We accepted, sifted through what we wanted and donated what we didn't. Someone at DH work though gave DH 4 bin bags full of clothes, age 2+ so not even useful right now and a lot of it is not even in good condition. There are scuffed shoes and very worn coats. Dh came home with loads of huge toys from her the week after. Again not useful and all too big anyway so they went straight to the tip (some of these were that horrible felt material that cannot be cleaned properly so no use to charity). I started to feel pretty quickly that she was just offloading her crap but DH says he would rather accept it and dispose of it himself than say refuse the stuff.
He brought home a rubber ring the other day! Seriously? WTF gifts a rubber ring?! I pointed out he could have been truthful and said "thanks but DD has one" but he said it was less hassle to accept it.
AIBU to think she is taking the piss and using us to offload stuff she cannot be arsed to dispose of herself?

[gottaloveascamhun]

I LOVE hand me downs and purchase second hand clothes almost exclusively for my 6 and 3 year old through local Facebook groups and ebay. I always look for the next size up so can be discerning. So easy to pop round the corner to pick up an immaculate pair of Joules dungarees for £1 for example. People often comment how well dressed my children are and I'm choosy so everything is in good condition. Worn clothes that I'm lucky enough to be given for free or included in a bundle are worn for nursery or the garden. My friend bemoaned spending £50 in Next this morning on 6 items for her son. That would buy an entire seasonal wardrobe second hand. I could afford to buy everything new but use what I save to buy season tickets to a theme park. I'm always grateful for a bag of second hand clothes as a gift- pick what you like and pop the rest in a charity clothes bin, easy.

[BerylStreep]

We're a family of passer downs. I keep stuff in a box in the wardrobe, and DSis will have a rummage through it and take anything she wants.

I love nothing more than seeing my nephews and nieces wearing clothes that bring back fond memories of my own DC when they were younger.

[CEOD]

Some people really could use these things and it is such a wasteful consumerist society we live in where we think every item of clothing has to be brand new.

However, it is your first child and a tiny baby and there's no way I would have put my brand new first born in old clothes that looked old. When they get older you realise they do mess everything up and you're grateful to have some garden shoes and messy clothes for forest walks or play.

[CazY777]

My 2 year old is currently wearing a jumper which belonged to her now 18 year old half sister. DH saved loads of stuff which has come in handy. But I do know what you mean, some people do just off load anything. My mum's friend accepts anything she's given and passes it onto my mum for me and my sister. We've had clothes that are far too big, tattered vests, old knickers, books held together with masses of sellotape. There has been quite a lot of good stuff (and I must admit I have sold a few bits that were too big/small) but I can't see how they thought some of the stuff would be any use to anyone!

[Deidre21]

Emmageddon I like what you've written. Very kind gesture.

[Emmageddon]

If someone had just lost their DH a week before I'd happily accept bin bags full of his old empty crips packets if it made her feel better

Me too - compassion is needed when someone is bereaved. My friend's husband died suddenly last year, and her immediate thought was to offer my DH his hardly-worn Crocs. DH accepted gracefully, and keeps them on the shoe rack in the hall although has never actually worn them and it's a touching way for us to remember a dear friend (and his somewhat haphazard dress sense )

[IamFriedSpam]

I think I'd cut some slack to someone who'd lost her husband a week before and assume she may not be thinking quite straight!

Definitely this!. If someone had just lost their DH a week before I'd happily accept bin bags full of his old empty crips packets if it made her feel better.

[Tessabelle74]

After seeing what some parents put their dc's in I'm sure it's a case of differing standards. I personally wouldn't put my kids in anything with stains etc on but one friend happily puts her dc's in stuff I'd have binned and doesn't bat an eye about it. I expect she genuinely is being kind but in future tell your dh to tell her you have limited storage space so you unfortunately can't accept anything else

[sadsquid]

Rachel, about that SIL, I think I'd cut some slack to someone who'd lost her husband a week before and assume she may not be thinking quite straight!

[Rachel0Greep]

1 week after her DH died she turned up with a suitcase of his stuff - socks with holes in, underpants, stinky trainers ... the lot! Some people just can't bear to throw away anything and this is how they justify getting rid. I agree with your DH - just accept graciously and then throw away. Why hurt someones feelings?

I'm all for not hurting feelings, I really am, but I would have had to draw the line there...

[Travellingmamma]

I do this! My sister gets everything, and I mean everything! I sorted it painstakingly and put it all carefully away for my second child, and then her first son was born 6 months after my ds2. Although a lot of what I give her is decent, which I suppose is different to OP. The deal is she keeps what she wants, and sends the rest to Cash for Clothes and saves the money. Cash for her and very little effort from me. I often see my nephew in clothes that have been though 2/3/4 children (a lot of what I have came from my older sister's 2 boys) so I know she doesn't chuck the lot!

[user1481559154]

Great idea sandyza

[sandyza]

Our hospital charity shop takes clothing which is damaged,marked & even takes scuffed shoes & shoes which are falling apart, I just mark it in a bag for rag man, which makes life easier for them, & it all goes to raise funds for a worthy cause. I have received lots of hand me downs, which have been very much appreciated, as they grow out of them so fast.

[user1481559154]

After spending the first 20 weeks of my pregnancy in hospital on a drip for HG I didn't much like coming home to bin liners full of old clothes...vests with poo and vomit stains 😃 bobbled sleepsuits, play clothes, scuffed shoes old toys I can definitely live with 😂 I do think most people mean well and I was grateful for most of what I got. I don't pass anything on unless i would still put it on my own children.

[mathanxiety]

I agree with Claraschu and others who wonder about the attitudes here.

I have been the recipient of many a sackful of clothing, footwear and snow gear, etc.

I see nothing wrong with stuff that can be played in that has the odd hole or stain. Many stains are baked in by the dryer - it's clean dirt . Scuffed toddler and small children's shoes - bring them on. More scuffing is in store for them. And probably a little more peeing too. I passed on clothes and shoes from oldest to youngest in my own family of five DCs too. My thought on clothing from another family of five that we used to swap with was that if it survived them it was probably indestructible, so therefore very welcome.

Call me a weirdo, but I liked sorting through big piles of donated clothes and choosing what we needed. The DCs also liked picking out things they liked.

[Deidre21]

Incorrect spelling meant "stained" and "torn"

[Deidre21]

Also to add, agree with many who also find giving DIRTY, unwashed and Staines let alone tor and unusable hand me done clothes, whether to friends or family and charity shops is just disgusting and so disrespectful. I always wash and iron items before passing it on anywhere (except if it's going straight into my bin). I'm sure that people who buy from charity shops would wash the items after buying but that doesn't mean people should drop off dirty items - very bad.

[Deidre21]

Roanoke is right. Some people are too lazy to take things to the dump or sort through things and have it included in small parts in their bin collection as clearly must things were meant to go into the bin from the description of items. On the other hand your husband should have said No, after the first time you reacted.

[NightWanderer]

I only pass on a select few clothes, things that are in good condition, washed, age-/season-appropriate etc. I don't want people to feel burdened by my used stuff. I try not to buy too much in the first place, so the kids get good wear out of everything.

I can't imagine that too many people would be thrilled to receive 4 bin bags worth of stained, dirty clothes with holes in them. And, no, you can't eBay them and charity shops won't want them either.

[Youallpissmeoff]

I was going to say that there are a lot of mean-spirited people on here. However, I am shocked that people donate dirty clothes! That is revolting.

My sister gave me a bin bag of clothes her DS had grown out of (teenager). It was all unwashed. (You can imagine what it smelt like) I was really pissed off by that, particularly as she had kept the best things (suits etc) for who knows what (they got put in her storage). I was just given the dirty, supermarket clothes.

I never give stuff that isn't in excellent condition. I always wash and iron it too.

[user1481559154]

I had this when I was pregnant with my first with a family friend. It was sweet at first but became a little irritating as i became overwhelmed with the volume of stuff that I needed to sort through and find the time to dispose of because it was way past it's best. My husband ended up saying thanks but were struggling for space simply have no room for anything else. I do think sometimes people use it as an excuse to off load but with this friend she was simply getting excited and honestly thought I would use it all.

[bbismad]

I remember once sending my husband for a bag of girls clothes that were allegedly in 'great condition' from Freecyle only to find what he had been given was the kinda stuff that you take to the tip, dirty, scuffed, worn out stuff. It was very annoying and I thought of it when I read this.

Husband needs to stand up to said woman.

[reuset]

You are being unreasonable for saying 'gifting'

As for the old clothes gift give them to a charity shop, or recycle, if your DH is too polite to refuse.

[Mandelinka]

I wish I was given some second hand/hand me downs when our DS was little. As both of our families live overseas and most of our friends were childless, we had to buy everything new. We could afford it but I would have loved to have sh clothes or toys, I think they tell a story and we would've cherish all, even the heavily used stuff.
I grew up wearing some tatty hand me downs and didn't have many clothes until I was a teenager so I re-use, upcycle or gift whatever is possible.
It makes me sad so many of you see your husbands colleague as a mean person, hopefully they will never experience poverty...

[Bunnyfuller]

I used to pass stuff on - kids grow very fast, kids wreck stuff, it's brilliant to have stuff ready ahead. I don't any more. I gave up after passing along some really sweet dressing up clothes (no, not pristine condition) and found out that the mum had thrown them away without even looking.

I can make it to the dump, obviously, but I hate this disposable society we live in where everything has to be immaculate. They're children for heavens sake. If they're loved, fed and kept clean is it really that important that their play clothes are perfect?

I didn't have oodles of money when mine were teeny and was really grateful for any pass-me-downs. Especially when they grow so fast and things get thrown away after a few wears.