To be annoyed at this "gifting"?

[luckylucky24]

When we found out we were having a girl, lots of people offered us clothes etc. We accepted, sifted through what we wanted and donated what we didn't. Someone at DH work though gave DH 4 bin bags full of clothes, age 2+ so not even useful right now and a lot of it is not even in good condition. There are scuffed shoes and very worn coats. Dh came home with loads of huge toys from her the week after. Again not useful and all too big anyway so they went straight to the tip (some of these were that horrible felt material that cannot be cleaned properly so no use to charity). I started to feel pretty quickly that she was just offloading her crap but DH says he would rather accept it and dispose of it himself than say refuse the stuff.
He brought home a rubber ring the other day! Seriously? WTF gifts a rubber ring?! I pointed out he could have been truthful and said "thanks but DD has one" but he said it was less hassle to accept it.
AIBU to think she is taking the piss and using us to offload stuff she cannot be arsed to dispose of herself?

[PodgeBod]

Op are you taking the things to the tip? Tell DH that he can accept what he likes but it's not coming in the house, so it's his job to dispose of the toot.
It will motivate him to find a kind way to refuse

[minipie]

YABU because your DH should learn to say no thank you.

Then the hand me downs could be given to someone else who would appreciate them. Or a charity shop. Of course it's not great to hand down things that are broken, however some of what you describe sounds perfectly fine (kids' shoes are scuffed within a few wears, doesn't mean they are worn out).

I think YABVU to accept stuff and then send it straight to landfill.

[KingJoffreysRestingCuntface]

I had quite a lot of stitches (TMI?) and having a rubber ring to sit on would've been quite handy.

[zoemaguire]

She's being kind, and there are some miserable comments on this thread. It'd be less trouble to send it to the tip or the charity shop than to bring it in to work, surely?! She obviously did it because she thought you might find it all useful!!! If you don't, then refuse politely. But I think you are looking a gift horse in the mouth, personally, and being a bit sneery about it - fine, you don't need 'big' toys, but they cost a fortune, and she's not to know that you don't have room.

We have had to buy a fraction of the usual number of clothes for our three kids thanks to our lovely friend and neighbour's gifts of her sons' hand-me-downs. Some of the stuff she gives us we can't make use of or is a bit raggedy, but I'm very happy indeed to sort through it, take what we need and send the rest off to the charity shop. I hope I do save her a job by doing that because I'm grateful for the gift in the first place! Also, my own kids trash clothes quickly enough anyway. If the odd top has a hole in it to start off with, so what?

[iMogster]

I think she is being genuinely kind. If you don't want it, say so and then she can give it to someone who does need it. This is better all round.

[Justwantcookies]

TBH you sound really ungrateful. 2 year olds scuff their shoes very quickly, plus they wee on them when you are potty training, you will be glad of a few spare pairs then, scuffed or not. Same for the clothes. Any idea how many pairs of trousers you can get through in one day when potty training? At the end of day 3 you won't give a toss what your kid is wearing.

If you don't want the stuff just say so. That way the thoughtful person giving it to you can offer it to someone who will actually be grateful for it.

As for just taking it to the tip, why didn't you pass it on to a charity?

[HRHCocoa]

I hate hate hate this also.

Problem is my DH also thinks we can't get rid of they were gifted to us.

Highlights include 5-6 boxes of VHS dvds of children's movies when friends were having a clear out. They chirruped brightly; 'Oh, we thought you culd have them rather than just sending it to the tip'. When I pointed out rather wanly that we did not even have a VHS machine their response was;'Oh you can get them on ebay!'.

I was going to dump/charity shop them but DH put them in the attic 'just in case'.

Another highlight was being gifted muddy and holey wellies several sizes too large. Just - why?

Actually- that reminds me - both those specific gifts came to us a good 5 years ago. I bet DH has forgotten about them so I can do a sneaky tip run.

[HRHCocoa]

• have to add that the children's movies were ones they taped off the tv themselves- not actual bought DVDs which possibly could go to a charity shop.

[NewPuppyMum]

Just wait until she asks your dh for the stuff back for her friend's child..

[luckylucky24]

justwantcookies No matter how hard I try I would not be grateful for shoes that may have wee on! Not that that had occurred to me until you mentioned it!

If the stuff had been offered to ME I would have said no thank you. As it happens DH accepted them as she brought them into his work and so he brought them home. Stuff that could be charity shopped has been but a lot of it is not good enough for the charity shop. The scuffs are very noticeable on the shoes that are damaged. There are a couple pairs of boots in good condition but as DD has a very high instep they wont go on her anyway.

[DearMrDilkington]

A rubber ring .

[KC225]

I have had this and I think she is being kind. To say she using your DH to offload instead of going to the dump is a little disingenuous.

You may see a worn threadbare coat but she sees her DC first coat that marked a lot of milestones. Those broken toys were the ones her DC loved and got the most use of. She wants loved and treasured things to go to a good home, throwing them away when they hold so many memories is hard for some people. Be nice, it could be you on a few years.

As others have said tell your DH that you have so much stuff that you have to say no now.

[ABitCrapReally]

Some of us are really grateful for other people's 'crap'.
Thanks to my sister and kind neighbours ive saved a fortune on kids clothes/toys etc.
Some of the more crappy things have been used for messy play etc.
Some stuff is turned into cleaning rags or just straight in the bin.
I always accept graciously, because it's nearly always offered with kind and good intentions and brings the giver joy.
Some of these responses are so mean spirited and quite frankly, pretentious!

[Justwantcookies]

luckylucky24 I'm suggesting these particular ones have been weed on. And anyway people do wash stuff! If your child wees on her shoes are you going to bin them then? Good luck with that!

I think your husband should ask her if she wants the things back that you cant make use of. You sound like a right moany snob.

[Justwantcookies]

Not suggesting I mean

[GatoradeMeBitch]

Tell him that if she gives him anything else, he should take it to the tip on the way home from work?

[IamFriedSpam]

I doubt she's off loading - surely bringing them into work is just as much effort as taking them to the dump.I don't see why you're that bothered to be honest. I wouldn't care if my toddler wore scuffed shoes - new shoes will be scuffed in a week anyway. Fair enough if you don't have storage space or don't want the stuff but your DH accepted it so just take it to the dump, surely it's not that much effort?

[IamFriedSpam]

Some of these responses are so mean spirited and quite frankly, pretentious!

This. I can't imagine having such a negative reaction to a gift (even if it's unwanted).

[Allthebestnamesareused]

If DH can't say no tell him to drop it off at the charity shop on the way home!!

[luckylucky24]

He doesn't pass a tip. It is 20 minutes in the opposite direction but as he wont say no he can make the journey.
I am not against second hand at all. Both my kids have had plenty of second hand stuff. But I don't see why you pass on stuff that was stained/smelly/broken. I certainly wouldn't and it was the rubber ring that really tipped me over the edge. Would you really donate a used swimming ring?

[Justwantcookies]

You've lost me. Whats wrong with a used swim ring?

[BerylStreep]

I loved getting hand me downs - still do in fact. We go through anything that DC like, then the remainder either go to the charity shop or cash for clothes.

[IamFriedSpam]

Yeah I really don't get what's wrong with a used swimming ring? Can you enlighten us? Did they use it naked or something?

[IamFriedSpam]

She probably just had bags of stuff and didn't go through it that carefully (since from her perspective she's doing you a favour) and most people are happy to have tatty clothes and shoes for muddy days/painting whatever.

[luckylucky24]

They cost a couple of pound new. Then you know they aren't full of holes or been used for half of mumsnet to relieve piles