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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at this "gifting"?

140 replies

luckylucky24 · 09/03/2017 09:55

When we found out we were having a girl, lots of people offered us clothes etc. We accepted, sifted through what we wanted and donated what we didn't. Someone at DH work though gave DH 4 bin bags full of clothes, age 2+ so not even useful right now and a lot of it is not even in good condition. There are scuffed shoes and very worn coats. Dh came home with loads of huge toys from her the week after. Again not useful and all too big anyway so they went straight to the tip (some of these were that horrible felt material that cannot be cleaned properly so no use to charity). I started to feel pretty quickly that she was just offloading her crap but DH says he would rather accept it and dispose of it himself than say refuse the stuff.
He brought home a rubber ring the other day! Seriously? WTF gifts a rubber ring?! I pointed out he could have been truthful and said "thanks but DD has one" but he said it was less hassle to accept it.
AIBU to think she is taking the piss and using us to offload stuff she cannot be arsed to dispose of herself?

OP posts:
d270r0 · 09/03/2017 13:59

I also don't understand some of the comments on here. I was given some hand me downs and yes, some of it was old and worn but I also was given stuff in a good condition which I used- and sometimes the worn stuff got used, when I was having a washing emergency or just to keep at grandparents houses for emergencys rather than leave my good stuff there not getting used.
I have given my ds's old stuff on to a relative. Not the broken stuff but there probably was some old worn stuff in there, I just bundled it all together when I put it away. She says thank you- I am now paranoid she actually doesn't want any of it. But they are not that well off so I thought it would be helpful. I have seen the baby wear some of it occasionally and in photos so I think she must want it. Surely its better to be given the lot then you can make the decision about what you will or will not use, rather than someone else deciding for you?
I don't see the issue with the swimming ring, is it in bad condition? If not surely she just thought you miht use it and it would save you having to buy one?

Hissy · 09/03/2017 14:04

Ebay what you can and put the money to things you do want, or charity shop/recycle the rest

wizzywig · 09/03/2017 14:05

Give it all back when the time is appropriate

IamFriedSpam · 09/03/2017 14:11

They cost a couple of pound new. Then you know they aren't full of holes Blowing it up at home tells you it's not full of holes and even if it's not expensive it's still plastic - so much better to recycle that stuff.

OrigamiOverload · 09/03/2017 14:45

I think your DH is right to take the stuff. Rather than seeing a pile of crap, she probably sees a pile of stuff that was loved and really useful to her and hopes someone else will get good use out of it.

Sandyfeet101 · 09/03/2017 14:47

I've started taking bags of clothes too tatty for the charity shop to H&M, they recycle fabric in any condition and give you a £5 voucher for your trouble!

coffeetasteslikeshit · 09/03/2017 15:09

Some of us are really grateful for other people's 'crap'.
Thanks to my sister and kind neighbours ive saved a fortune on kids clothes/toys etc.
Some of the more crappy things have been used for messy play etc.
Some stuff is turned into cleaning rags or just straight in the bin.
I always accept graciously, because it's nearly always offered with kind and good intentions and brings the giver joy.
Some of these responses are so mean spirited and quite frankly, pretentious!

^ this

coffeetasteslikeshit · 09/03/2017 15:09

Blush bold fail

greeeen · 09/03/2017 15:30

Agree with ABitCrapReally

Woolyheads · 09/03/2017 15:58

She is being kind!
And that is why DH is accepting with kind thanks.

Ewock · 09/03/2017 16:00

We have recently had a clear out and given away lots of clothes to friends. But I sorted through them and anything that was stained was binned or out to one side for us to use as rags. I wouldn't have given anything that was stained. But everything we gave I gave to help friends out as were very lucky and still are with friends giving us clothes for our dc. As far as I know they were grateful to have them.

Ewock · 09/03/2017 16:01

Sorry meant to add I didn't put anything in that was damaged or stained. Some clothes showed more wear than others but as pp have said those would be great for messy play or garden play.

helenfagain · 09/03/2017 16:10

I think yabu. If you don't want it then just donate/recycle. It's a nice thought to pass things on and as previous posters have said older stuff is great for messy play or garden play. Is it really that much of an issue? And I can see nothing at all wrong with a used swimming ring! Confused

BretonRose · 09/03/2017 16:25

I volunteered for a lovely charity for a while- collected donations of children's shoes, clothes and toys to be made up into gift bags for vulnerable kids. I was the drop off point and would do the sorting, another volunteer would pick them up to drop them off at the centre for washing, ironing and packing up into these lovely bags. Then they went out via social workers, playgroups etc.

Vast majority of donations where lovely, one or two things that people included out of not being sure.

But some people just thought a donation was a wheelie bin. Broken, dirty, crappy worn out junk.

DebiNewberry · 09/03/2017 16:32

Eek, I've definitely given friends outgrown wellies and did not clean them first! I mean, they are wellies! For wearing in mud and rain... and they are free?

HRHCocoa · 09/03/2017 16:34

I think I mentioned holey wellies. :)

They had holes in them. As in,in the soles. Not terribly useful.

HRHCocoa · 09/03/2017 16:36

Well, not the soles if I am going to be very very accurate in this instance ....in the bit that attaches the soles to the toes, they were split. Which the donor knew full well.

I have happily received load of cast off clothes, blankets even muslins, but on the specific occasions I mentioned upthread we were being given junk.

DebiNewberry · 09/03/2017 16:39

Ah well a leaky welly is no good to anybody, agree 😊

HRHCocoa · 09/03/2017 16:40

... and junk because the donors couldn't be bothered to throw them out themselves really.

HRHCocoa · 09/03/2017 16:41

Actually on the leaky welly front DH caught me heading out on the school run with them (we are not far from the tip) and took them back again. He is a keen DIY-er and thinks the bloody rubber 'will come in useful'. So I still have them.

DebiNewberry · 09/03/2017 16:44

I really like hand me downs so it's prob clouding my judgement. I love seeing my kids in clothes others have worn that I can remember, and I like passing them on. One t shirt came to us, went through 4 dc and is now being worn by a new family.

NotCitrus · 09/03/2017 16:51

Hand-me-downs are great, and most donated stuff is potentially useful, but at some point you just have to say I have loads of clothes from kind people and not much space, so you'd appreciate particularly special items but on the whole the charity shop or someone else would be a better recipient.

No point in my ILs saving bog-standard well-worn clothes for months to transport across the country when people Freecycle them here too. A nice coat, swimsuit, waterproofs - appreciated. I have a friend who gives me a bagful of clothes potentially for dd every year or so, but partly because she can never get to charity shops but can pass stuff to me. I generally keep a few items and all the stuff not to our taste (but excellent quality and ironed!) benefits charity.

For babies and toddlers, it was great having another 10 clean items in the back of the drawer just in case, even if I wouldn't use them normally.

miniatureegg · 09/03/2017 18:49

I've been given soooo much crap for 18+ month olds. Wtf do they think I am going to do with it for the 2 years in between?! I'm taking it all to a charity shop. I'm an idiot for accepting.

DesignedForLife · 09/03/2017 19:13

I love hand me downs, have stabbed a fortune in clothes for the DC thanks to a couple friends. I bin any bits that aren't any good, give to charity anything that's good but not our style. I always bin used knickers... that's just gross!

I even got given a "frozen" rubber ring. DD loves it, saves £3, and saves on landfill. What on earth is wrong with a second hand rubber ring? It's not going to contain herpes you know (unless used for piles on a bare arse).

bluebellsparklypants · 09/03/2017 20:12

I was given loads of bags from a friend when my DS was born which included pants and girls clothes (they have girl and boy obvs) so think we helped in their clear out!
She could just be being kind some people just don't want to throw anything away and like to pass it on but now you've got your full you can say no more thanks!

I was also given a rubber ring! Thought it was for baby swimming but reading this thread I'm not sure now!

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