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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at this "gifting"?

140 replies

luckylucky24 · 09/03/2017 09:55

When we found out we were having a girl, lots of people offered us clothes etc. We accepted, sifted through what we wanted and donated what we didn't. Someone at DH work though gave DH 4 bin bags full of clothes, age 2+ so not even useful right now and a lot of it is not even in good condition. There are scuffed shoes and very worn coats. Dh came home with loads of huge toys from her the week after. Again not useful and all too big anyway so they went straight to the tip (some of these were that horrible felt material that cannot be cleaned properly so no use to charity). I started to feel pretty quickly that she was just offloading her crap but DH says he would rather accept it and dispose of it himself than say refuse the stuff.
He brought home a rubber ring the other day! Seriously? WTF gifts a rubber ring?! I pointed out he could have been truthful and said "thanks but DD has one" but he said it was less hassle to accept it.
AIBU to think she is taking the piss and using us to offload stuff she cannot be arsed to dispose of herself?

OP posts:
Cutesbabasmummy · 10/03/2017 17:35

I got given stuff from.my SIL that had been through 3 boys...it went straight in the bin. All the clothes were absolutely worn out and lots of brown and orange whereas I like blues and nice bright colours. In the end I said thank you but we're not doing second hand clothes. He is and will always be our only son and we can afford to buy him new clothes even if they are supermarket brands x

KitKat1985 · 10/03/2017 17:37

[Nods understandingly] Since having 2 DDs we have been given some lovely baby things, but there are definitely also a few people who have just basically offloaded all of their unwanted crap onto us.

sandelf · 10/03/2017 17:44

Maybe it's over now. But he needs to know the little 'thanks but no thanks' script in case the issue comes round again. If he brings more junk home - send it back - he can say he didn't realise just how much you already have. This lady is clearly passing on her junk. Don't accept any more - it'll only encourage her.

QueenofPentacles · 10/03/2017 17:53

Why are you accepting bag loads of rubbish from someone at your husband's work?
wtf?

Sarahrellyboo1987 · 10/03/2017 17:55

Your husband clearly has better manners interpersonal skills than you.
Yes, YADBU

roselover · 10/03/2017 18:00

when your kid is about 2 ....and the whole world has been piling stuff on you ..(as they do) ...you will rejoice that someone in your circle is having a baby and dump your stuff on them ...you are a bit mental by the time they are two - so you wont have thought it through ...the trick is not the keep things that you wont use ...that way madness lies...and over stuffed basements ....and attics and storage units ...a bit of a tip - girls live in leggings and fancy velvet dresses are really not called for

Jessikita · 10/03/2017 18:02

I used to tell people that I was all sorted thank you and they still used to offload stuff on me as in just bring it and dump it on me! Then say "I don't want anything for it!" Erm no, Ive just had to take all your stuff to the charity or landfill... it's not that I'm deliberately ungrateful, it's just any second hand clothes I've tried are always stained or bobbly etc and I can afford new clothes for them. I did get a lot of second hand equipment and toys though.

dstill1964 · 10/03/2017 18:07

Might think she's being helpful. Had a SIL who gave us similar but was meant well. Different peeps have different standards; pass on to your local charity shop for their ragbag as they will still benefit from it

arethereanyleftatall · 10/03/2017 18:12

Yabu and some of the responses on here are disgraceful.
there will be people out there who would love a pair of shoes for their child, however scuffed, so to take things to the dump or bin them is lazy.
Take things you don't want to a charity shop, a women's refuge, etc someone will be grateful.,
If this lady just wanted to off load them, she'd put them straight in her bin, far less effort than anything else, so she's being kind.

Nairsmellsbad · 10/03/2017 18:14

Oh - reading this Blush as I've offloaded tons of stuff like this. But I've also taken quite a bit as there are some things children really don't use for long and it seems a waste to buy new. I've always thought that they and I were being thoughtful as well as greener; one can always say no thanks. Also I never pass on shoes or anything scruffy or dirty. But still wondering what people say about me behind my back now. Hopefully my friends aren't as judgy as some of the people on here.

Blinkyblink · 10/03/2017 18:17

She could have put in her rubbish bin. As simple as that.

Instead she put on her car and lugged in to work.

And you said there weee a few gold bits in there too.

Her heart is clearly in the right place and I'm surprised so many are so scathing. Actually, I'm not that surprised.

mumto2two · 10/03/2017 18:17

DH's family came around, ceremony style..with four huge bin bags containing every woollen item that had ever been knitted and passed around since the 50s! Hideous thick woolly jumpers in every garish colour imaginable.. and zillions of mitts and woollen shoes. Even if they were remotely wearable, she has never been able to wear anything woollen and they sat taking up precious room in my wardrobe for years until I gave them back. They've now been offloaded on another family member, and will no doubt be doing the rounds for many more years to come! Grin

cherish123 · 10/03/2017 18:18

I would only pass on things in good condition and, to be honest, most things (even quality things) look a bit worn. Shoes need to be width fitting so I would only pass on wellies or crocs. I would only really pass on a coat or gilet or sweatshirt. Pants? Socks? That is disgraceful.

38cody · 10/03/2017 18:26

The thing is we all have different ideas of what's worth passing on. It would be just as easy for her to take it to charity as to bring it into work. I think she's being kind and you may find a few nice bits - donate the rest.

Emmageddon · 10/03/2017 18:30

thank you but we're not doing second hand clothes

May you always be as prosperous as you are now, love. Or that remark may just come back to bite your arse.

PerspicaciaTick · 10/03/2017 18:30

When I thought I was never going to be able to have DC2, I cleared out all the things I had been saving. It is very, very difficult to just bin items that come loaded with so many memories of your baby. It is much easier to think "I'll give them away, maybe x will get some benefit from them".
You might be seeing a load of tatty crap, she was probably seeing her child's baby/toddlerhood.

McBuckers · 10/03/2017 18:31

Do people really gift these thing out of spite - I don't think so. I'm sure they do it with the best of intentions and would feel quite hurt that someone does not appreciate their best intentions

ohidoliketobebesidethecoast · 10/03/2017 18:37

Thats weird. So she can be bothered to bring it into work (bus/train/car?) to give to your DH but not take it to the tip?

Or, far more likely, she thinks you might find it useful?? What a nasty way to look at it.... If you don't want the stuff, drop it off at a charity shop or cloth bank.

If you had a child who was sick a lot, you might be grateful for lots of clothes to go through on a bad day. It seems pretty rude to gripe about it to me - some people would want the clothes and toys, you don't, so say thank you nicely, and recycle them, to go to someone who WILL want them - it's not a big problem.

exaltedwombat · 10/03/2017 19:00

Kids grow quickly. They don't care if shoes are scuffed, if they fit this week! Don't be too picky, unless you have unlimited resources.

Emmageddon · 10/03/2017 19:02

I was, and always will be, eternally grateful for the people who gave me binbags of clothes for my 3rd child, a daughter, after being told, after a scan to ensure baby wasn't breech, by the obs/gynae consultant, I was having a 3rd DS.

8 days later, DD arrived and I was inundated with pink frilly stuff, and I was and still am delighted with all of it. She wore pink head-to-toe for the first 24 months of her life.

The fact my beloved adult DD is a very boyish lesbian is NOTHING to do with any of that :grin:

isadoradancing123 · 10/03/2017 19:08

Rubbish, they are not being kind, they are just getting rid of their crap.

Bethan2 · 10/03/2017 19:14

Hi. Just want to say that I have volunteered in several charity shops who only accept about 10% of what gets donated and the rest gets sent to various charities (eg clothes going to Africa) and anything really not usable by anyone gets recycled. So please always donate rather than throw in the bin as chances are someone somewhere could make use out of it.

x

WickerKnickers · 10/03/2017 19:14

I think YABU to the work colleague. Your husband could say no thank you, and she'd be happy to find someone who is more in need. And her a thank you card saying you now have everything you could possibly need.

And some people are grateful for anything, including clothes that will fit their child in 2 years. Gifts tend to dry up after birth, so someone without means (like I was with DC1) would be pleased to have clothing in reserve.

Sarahrellyboo1987 · 10/03/2017 19:16

I am genuinely shocked at how many ungrateful and spiteful people are commenting on here!
May your life always be as blessed as you are now! You sure as hell don't deserve it!

McBuckers · 10/03/2017 19:20

I've gifted loads of stuff to work colleagues - a £500 tandem buggy, clothes, toys etc. It would have been easier to dump it (or EBay them and make some money).

I would have loved to have had someone gift me some things when my kids were babies.

OP - if someone's given you clothes for a two-year-old, quick tip, put them in the loft and bring them down in two years

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