A man dressed as a woman is more likely to be assaulted in a men's toilet than in a woman's because they are obviously challenging social norms. In a women's toilet it is less obvious as femininity exists on a continuum. So the breach is less obvious
No. The 'breach' of social norms is not less obvious. It's just that people with female biology are statistically hugely less violent and socialised that assaulting someone who threatens your space is ok. Yes, mens toilets are not safe places for transpeople, and no one should have to face fear, assault and risk. However where, in all the equality billing, is the concerted action to teach boys and men that this kind of behaviour and their very narrow and easily threatened view of social norm for men is no longer acceptable?
Instead, the answer is 'women, move over, blow your social norms apart and shut up about it, because you obviously can't expect men to put themselves out or do things differently'. That says a great deal about the difference in the way it's acceptable to treat women compared to the way men are treated. It's also tacit acknowledgement that men, in any way inconvenienced, refuse to put up with it and get listened to.
If you agree that transwomen are not safe in men's bathrooms because of the male violence, (and I do), then you cannot argue that gender self identification that allows any man to access a woman's bathroom is safe. Why are men potentially dangerous in a men's bathroom but all unquestionably happy little cherubs who wouldn't hurt a fly if they walk into a women's bathroom? Why are transwomen justified in their fear of exposure to violent men but natal women aren't? There is no logic here. As for the line sometimes trotted out about 'so what, if you are assaulted or raped then it's a crime and you have recourse to the police' - that's again only trotted out to women.
And no, femininity isn't some magic continuum while masculinity isn't. It's just that in our supposedly modern, liberal, vibrant, other crappy buzzword society it is still currently acceptable to maintain a rigid view of what a man is. Women should not lose their identity to absorb everyone else. It should be fine for boys to wear pink, high heels, dresses, present themselves and do whatever they want to do, without being told outright or by implication that they are on the 'feminine continuum'. That is NOT the same as someone with gender dysphoria. Many of those individuals whose masculinity is not of the stereotypical type are actually gay. Not women. To push them towards 'not male enough, therefore you're a girl' is homophobic. Not to mention horrifically regressive.