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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder why so many people don't realise the risks.

176 replies

Babbaganush · 08/03/2017 16:44

www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-39208946
Dubai
An engaged couple are under arrest for having sex outside marriage, they were reported after she presented at hospital with cramping and was found to be pregnant.
I can't understand the attraction of the place but I spent a lot of time there in the mid 80s when my father worked there - that probably put me off for life!

OP posts:
MiaowTheCat · 09/03/2017 11:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thefitfatty · 09/03/2017 11:14

They're in Abu Dhabi, not Dubai. Abu Dhabi is a bit more conservative however I'm still surprised that any doctor would report them?! Hmm

Normally if you fall pregnant out of wedlock here you get out asap or you get hitched asap.

They haven't been charged with anything at the moment so I expect they'll be put on a plane and sent home soon, surprised they haven't been already.

Knifegrinder · 09/03/2017 11:16

Footballers' girlfriends on hotel beach are safe enough, because in Dubai you have to come to the authorities' attention for some reason in order for it to become a problem -- victim/perpetrator of a crime, pregnant and needing medical are (though not all clinics or hospitals ask for a marriage cert) like the woman in this case etc.

My now-DH and I lived in Dubai for a year and a half unmarried, for instance -- and while we lived there, the police were carrying out door to door checks in Sharjah, the next-door emirate, checking on the marital status of mixed-sex couples or groups sharing living quarters, and making arrests. We never had trouble, but were very much aware that if we were burgled or assaulted we couldn't report it, or if we were in a car crash (especially with an Emirati), we were in trouble.

People do get complacent, because Dubai is full of unmarried expats having extramarital sex, buying and drinking alcohol without a licence, living there longterm on a tourist visa etc - but most of the time it's under the official radar, if you're careful and lucky. DH was sponsored for a work visa, but as we weren't married, he couldn't in turn sponsor me, so I was on a tourist visa and used to do a 'border run' once a month with other unmarried foreign women without residency visas. Again, the authorities generally turned a blind eye to carloads of women who literally drove over the Omani border and turned around and re-entered the UAE.

Lots of prostitutes there on tourist visas used to do the same thing. (Once, when six of us, all female, were being driven on our border run by the Lebanese-Canadian, Arabic-speaking boyfriend of a friend, the border guards assumed we were prostitutes and that he was our pimp.) Technically, prostitution is illegal in Dubai. In practice, it's a huge 'black' industry -- every 'Ladies' Night' in hotel bars has a significant number blending in, looking for business. Like everything in Dubai, the grey area is huge. That's what tripped up this couple, presumably - they were unlucky with the clinic taking the official line.

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 09/03/2017 11:19

Can't pay me to go there.

Eliza22 · 09/03/2017 11:20

Nothing. And I do mean nothing, would induce me to go there. Just WHY?

brasty · 09/03/2017 11:21

I understand that most get away with it. But I would not take the risk.

CwtchMawr · 09/03/2017 11:29

Knifegrinder was it not incredibly stressful to live their under wraps so to speak? I don't think I could deal with the subterfuge!

CwtchMawr · 09/03/2017 11:30

Sorry there Blush

Alice212 · 09/03/2017 11:33

couldn't pay me to go there either. I feel really sorry for people who get caught up in this. I don't know how clear Foreign Office warnings are for this sort of thing though as it's not an area I go to. It does seem to be a well known fact but when a friend of mine worked there, she could get me a free flight etc and kept telling me that certain things "don't happen to Westerners, they turn a blind eye". I kept telling her that was rubbish. I wouldn't have gone under any circumstances though.

Knifegrinder · 09/03/2017 11:59

. Cwtch, no, not particularly, to be honest. Most of the people we knew were in the same position, so it was quite normalised, and I think we accepted the risks. I think I worried more about DH driving between Dubai and Abu Dhabi, given the road deaths. The 'system' works because of the largely unpoliced grey areas, and the fact that there's a pretty good bush telegraph for sudden crackdowns.

Which is not to say that I think people should visit.It's a semi-modernised dictatorship with an appalling human rights record I volunteered in the camps and accounts of the conditions then (I hope they've improved) are not exaggerated and a terrible environmental footprint. Conditions for Emirati dissidents are considerably worse now than when I lived there. I would never go back.

Alice, the FO warnings are very clear. But that's the letter of the law. In practice, you see people doing illegal things all round you, especially if you live there. You are supposed to buy a government licence to buy alcohol outside of hotels, and obviously this doesn't apply to Muslims, for whom it illegal to drink alcohol under Sharia law -- however, when we used to go to an alcohol shop outside Abu Dhabi (which would sell you booze without a licence, as we never got one - a hush-hush place with no sign and where the receipt didn't have a shop name on it), there were endless Emirati cars drawing up outside. A tinted window would roll down and someone would hand out shopping lists for spirits and champagne to the shop workers, and wait for the stuff to be loaded. Drive-through alcoshop, no questions asked.

glitterazi · 09/03/2017 12:42

As appalling as this case is - what the hell do you expect?! It's illegal to have sex outside of marriage in the UAE. Why on earth would you live unmarried there and get pregnant as well? That's a special kind of crazy, sorry!
If you're going to live in or visit a country so vastly different in terms of values to the one you're from, then FFS accustom yourself with the laws of the land before setting foot in it.
This is why you couldn't pay me to go to Dubai. I've already said it on the other thread, but if you're female why on earth would you want to go when you're treated so appallingly? (Being arrested yourself if you're raped for having extra marital sex like the recent case in the news?! )

glitterazi · 09/03/2017 13:09

I'm asking as my dsis is visiting with her partner in may and will be around 20 weeks pregnant, they are unmarried.

I think your dsis would be crazy to go there as part of an unmarried relationship and pregnant.
Just why would you?!

onthettcbus · 09/03/2017 13:22

I have warned her, she wasn't aware of the laws applying to tourists , she is now reconsidering going and is going to seek further advice, thanks.

missyB1 · 09/03/2017 13:24

Zero chance I would ever go on holiday there or live there . My husband could make a fortune there in his job but wouldn't dream of it, there is no way we could live in a Country with such appalling human rights record.

I wish people would stop going to these places tbh.

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 09/03/2017 13:25

How can people think laws don't apply to tourists?

Do they also think our laws don't apply to visitors here?

onthettcbus · 09/03/2017 13:27

It was booked before she fell pregnant, i wasn't fully aware until I read this thread.

onthettcbus · 09/03/2017 13:33

I wouldn't expect that something that happened outside of the country would still be against the law.

brasty · 09/03/2017 13:41

onthettcbus If an adult married a 13 year old, perfectly legal in some countries, came to the UK on holiday and shared a bed as a couple, would you be surprised if the UK police did something about this? Same principle.

onthettcbus · 09/03/2017 13:46

Well I'm glad we know now.

Floggingmolly · 09/03/2017 13:48

She thought laws don't apply to tourists... Seriously, some people shouldn't be allowed out on their own Hmm

onthettcbus · 09/03/2017 13:50

Not all laws obviously, that particular law.

Floggingmolly · 09/03/2017 13:51

Just the one law... She's not sounding any brighter, I'm afraid.

onthettcbus · 09/03/2017 13:53

I'm going to leave this thread now, I have got the information I needed, thanks to those who replied to my question.

habibihabibi · 09/03/2017 13:53

All hotels in Dubai copy the hotel residents passports . It's the law .
If the police are really interested in catching unmarried people they only need visit the front desk .Some hotels do ask for marriage licenses because of previous problems especially from guests of GCC countries.

Periodically some hotels are raided but they are mostly looking for prostitutes or acting on tip offs by disgruntled family or exes.

VestalVirgin · 09/03/2017 14:04

If the police are really interested in catching unmarried people they only need visit the front desk .Some hotels do ask for marriage licenses because of previous problems especially from guests of GCC countries.

So basically, going to Dubai as unmarried pregnant woman is like playing Russian Roulette.
Perhaps your hotel won't be asked for your passport / raided... but perhaps it will!