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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To advise MIL to tell this woman to fuck right off

145 replies

IllBeAtTheBarIfYouNeedMe · 08/03/2017 15:13

To be honest I don't think I am but My lovely future MIL has just called to ask advise after receiving a phonecall from her grandsons friends mother. Apparently this woman has rent arrears of 10 thousand pounds and is looking for MIL to lend her the money to avoid eviction. MIL has never even met this woman.

Both DP and I have suggested that if she were to she isn't likely to see much, if any, of it back and that this woman's problems aren't hers.

She could probably afford it but I don't see why she should have to.

Am I missing something here?

OP posts:
Original poster
IllBeAtTheBarIfYouNeedMe · 08/03/2017 16:48

Dgs is 17 (and very, very immature). I can't imagine him doing something so obviously a scam deliberately although sadly it is a possibility. I can see him thinking 'friend needs money, dgm has money, problem solved' as he is ridiculously naive in other areas of life. He is lovely but does have form for not thinking things through

OP posts:
diddl · 08/03/2017 16:52

'friend needs money, dgm has money, problem solved'

He needs to realise that it's not up to him to offer GM's money to anyone!

carbuncleonapigsposterior · 08/03/2017 16:53

I imagine the grandson is young and naive and his perception may be that his grandma is loaded and has possibly mentioned that to friend, but it's astounding to hear that friend's mother followed through and actually had the temerity to phone grandma and request financial help. I remember my teenage son asking if we could help with girlfriend's mother's dire financial situaton a few years ago Shock . A big no to that one.

PollytheDolly · 08/03/2017 16:57

I hope she hasn't done it already Confused best involve the police to be assured she won't be emotionally pressured to do so.

Atenco · 08/03/2017 17:05

In my humble experience, even if this were legit, people who ask for loans from strangers have usually already ripped off all their nearest and dearest.

SusieOwl4 · 08/03/2017 17:07

I would be a bit worried about other things going missing in the house as well. Anyone who would ask a stranger to do this probably has a very low moral compass.

RubyWinterstorm · 08/03/2017 17:14

nip it in the bud.

My cousin scammed his (my) grandmother out of 220k

It started small and built up, he kept getting her to sign cheques/"loans"

He got bolder and bolder.

My cousin is not "bad" but a bit hopeless (can't stick to education or job) and fell in with a dubious crowd.

He loved our gran, but still thought it was ok to take as much money as he could, as he thought she was super rich anyway.

She died rather poor Sad and we all inherited "IOU"'s from the cousin, which were worthless.

These things happen....

MrsWhiteWash · 08/03/2017 17:14

i think we are definitely going to speak to the police even if to show dgs how inappropriate his actions are (and to scare him if his intentions were anything other then naive)

I think that sounds like a good plan.

RubyWinterstorm · 08/03/2017 17:15

and yes to being careful about other stuff in the house.

The DGS friend has clearly been taking stock. My gran had all her jewellery stolen one night as well.

PyongyangKipperbang · 08/03/2017 17:21

Well whoever's idea it was, they are not clever!

No one runs up 10k of rent arrears before getting evicted. Maybe 10k of mortgage arrears at a push, but not rent ffs!

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 08/03/2017 17:32

Nip this in the bud immediately, don't let it become an option.
Either this woman is a predator, or the DG and his pal are up to no good.
If it is the latter, they need to be held accountable.
Hope you get it sorted soon.

Floggingmolly · 08/03/2017 17:47

He's 17 Hmm. He's either a little toe rag intent on defrauding his grandmother, or a lot bit backward. Naive really doesn' t cover it.

Dawndonnaagain · 08/03/2017 17:58

Local councils do not allow tenants to get into debt. Rent arrears are 13 weeks and then it's eviction unless there are unusual circumstances. However, if there were a serious problem, hb officers would have been round to assess need, ergo this is a scam of some sort.

NavyandWhite · 08/03/2017 18:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dagnabit · 08/03/2017 18:09

I can only reiterate what pp have said - I work for an RSL and there's no chance in hell that any of our tenants would be able to accrue 10k worth of debt. Unless they had completely destroyed the property and racked up loads of rechargeable repairs. Arrears would have got to a few thousand at the very most (usually much less) before it getting to court and then it would be either eviction or a suspension with attached court order for repayment. Sounds very much like a scam to me so you're doing the right thing by informing the police.

Foxysoxy01 · 08/03/2017 18:10

I would be looking at the DGS a bit more deeply in this! Are you sure he really is so lovely it sounds like he could be involved maybe lead astray by a mate and his mother but I would bet he knows they are scamming his DGM!

Definitely police!

They may get nastier if they think she has money but their scamming isn't working.

Stripyhoglets · 08/03/2017 18:11

Council rent arrears can rack up that high as courts give people chance after chance to pay. So it could be the case that is a genuine request but obviously she should still say no!

CactusFred · 08/03/2017 18:22

I'd be calling the police! Sounds like she's trying to on MIL.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 08/03/2017 18:31

10k arrears in rent.. Lies! Is a scam..

Police informed today... She will have history, or she will be about to do it to someone else!

loaferloveforyou · 08/03/2017 18:33

He's 17?? Thought they would be about 7 or 8!

Can you keep an eye on your MIL so she doesn't tell you she's not going to pay it, then pay it anyway?

I know that sounds like you can't trust her but I work with victims of scams and I've heard of older people not telling their friends or family about payments because they were worried they would go mad (some cases because they had already been told not to make the payment and others because they realised that somethings not quite right) so it's just escalates.

Scaredycat3000 · 08/03/2017 18:41

It is quite possible that the GS is simply naive. It amazes me that despite the IL's being professionals with confident mostly successful very adult dc how bloody stupid naive they are. They will fall for anything and everything, well known scams, and tell you all about it, if you try and point out it's an obvious scam they get very defensive. The concept that they have been scammed almost seems beyond them. It is their family culture. I have had arguments with OH because he is about to be scammed and I'm just being boring and cynical Confused
So yes OP, get the police involved, scare everybody abit, from MIL to GS and definitely get the word put out locally that your family can not be scammed. Where the hell is the SIL in all this? Why is she not stopping her son harassing MIL?

YouTheCat · 08/03/2017 18:42

I'd like to reiterate what a previous poster said - if she's having to come to a stranger for 10k then she's exhausted all other avenues through not paying people back and the dgm would never see a penny repaid.

Ask the dgs what he would think of someone who fraudulently acquired a few grand of an elderly person's money?

Then ask him if it would be okay to do that to his own gm.

BonnyScotland · 08/03/2017 19:25

Additional concerns for me would be... these 'friends' now know that you mother-in-law has easy and comfortable access to tens of thousands of pounds... and they want it...

this is NOT a good situation... your Grandson may be charming immature and naive... but in bringing this to his Grandmothers door... has in effect left her vulnerable to being targeted for a Break-in.. Identity Theft... Fraud... Phone Scamming... bla bla bla the list is sadly endless....

you MUST involve the Police ...

Bantanddec · 08/03/2017 19:30

Sounds like grandson had told his pal that granny is loaded

londonrach · 08/03/2017 19:40

10k is alot to get into arrears without being evicted. Something not right with this anyway. Mil doesnt know this person....no no no no no no no!!!