Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 19 is a bit too old to START ballet and gymnastics?

136 replies

Stedloop · 04/03/2017 17:50

DD is 19.

Has never done ballet or gymnastics in her whole life so a complete, complete beginner.

She says she would like to become good at it.

This is my worry.

Fine I think for fun, but she does go on about trying hard to become good at it.

She is at uni (local) so I know it's not some weird change of career idea. However, AIBU to think it is a bit too old to have an ambition of becoming good at it?

I have no issue if just for fun.

OP posts:
PussInCoutts · 05/03/2017 05:39

I just think 'I'd like to become good at it' is a bit too ambitious.

You sound really negative, OP.

So your DD should accept she will never be good at anything she starts from now on? No sports for her? Only being overweight and under-energised? I'm really quite cross on your DDs behalf.

You're parenting irresponsibly and your attitudes are damaning to your DCs self esteem.

PussInCoutts · 05/03/2017 05:39

damaging even

BathshebaKnickerStickers · 05/03/2017 06:05

So basically she has wanted to do these things all her life but you have shrouded her in negativity.

Now she is at uni she has found her voice, and the self confidence to try.

OpalFruitsMarathonsandSpira · 05/03/2017 07:11

BathshebaKnickerStickers I think you have nailed it. I didn't even know I had potential to achieve until I met my amazing encouraging DH!

Took a long time to heal.

runninglikemad · 05/03/2017 12:45

Dixie I love the idea of your Dad doing ballet Grin!

OP I hope you take on board all the comments here, pretty much unanimous I would say.

I encourage my DC's to try everything, ok if they don't stick at it but just give it a go.

I weight train too and women in my class well into their late 60's, mega impressed watching them throw weights and do full press ups! Love to see fit, agile and healthy people of all ages.

Soubriquet · 05/03/2017 12:48

Ah let her do it

She won't ever be professional level but she could still be good

And it's something she could enjoy. She could get bored

But be a parent and encourage her to do it.

TheStoic · 05/03/2017 12:51

I absolutely do not understand why you would even consider that this would be a bad idea.

It's activity, it's fun, it's meeting new people, learning new skills.

She hasn't decided to take up drug dealing, or burglary.

HecateAntaia · 05/03/2017 12:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheStoic · 05/03/2017 12:55

Sometimes I think that when parents say they're worried their child will fail at something...they're actually worried they'll succeed.

Anatidae · 05/03/2017 12:59

She should go for it. I have a friend who is really into gymnastics and attends adult classes - and she is damn good. She's also a surgeon in her day job. She has. O interest in being a professional gymnast, she does it for fun. She's extremely good (jaw dropping acrobatics etc) and it benefits her rock climbing and other sports too.
Support her - gym and ballet are great for flexibility and strength. She's probably aware she's not going to compete at the olympics but there's no reason she can't enjoy it, get pretty good and benefit from the exercise.

Anatidae · 05/03/2017 13:04

And by he way... I never did sport at school because I was the short fat asthmatic kid and was so discouraged. At uni I started running and diving and rock climbing and it changed me for the better. I was fitter, stronger and crucially, met a load of really nice people. I ran half marathons and I was OK. Not Paula Radcliffe ok, but ok. And it was great.
You should be encouraging her - the key skill to succeed in life is to TRY. And if you fail, ok, get up and try again. To have the attitude that you won't try because you'll not be any good is to fail permanently before you e even started. There is tons of research on this.
Support her.

madcapcat · 05/03/2017 13:13

My bf started ballet at 18. At 21 she was accepted at laban school of contemporary dance. She got a first and has worked as a professional dancer and choreographer ever since (some 25 years). Unusual yes, but it can happen. Encourage your daughter to try it and if she enjoys it to work at getting as good as she can.

PussInCoutts · 05/03/2017 13:21

Sometimes I think that when parents say they're worried their child will fail at something...they're actually worried they'll succeed.

Spot on Stoic

HelenaGWells · 05/03/2017 13:24

Wanting to be good at something isn't mutually exclusive with wanting to enjoy something. Wanting to be good gives you the drive to carry on. She doesn't want to be a world class Olympian just attain a decent level of skill. Plenty of adults manage this.

Albatross26 · 05/03/2017 13:37

What a strange attitude. As others have said, if she was thinking 2020 Olympics then maybe not, but there's no reason why she wouldn't be good at it. And even if she wasn't, what's the harm in having a go? I'm a musician and I know plenty of people who've taken up instruments in their 30s, 40s Tec who are brilliant!

Albatross26 · 05/03/2017 13:37

*etc!

Musicaltheatremum · 05/03/2017 13:52

My daughter took up ballet, tap jazz and modern at 15. She managed to get on to a triple threat Musical Theatre course at one of the big schools in London when she was 20. Dancing is not her strongest area but she can still do the splits which she stretched her way into at 16. She is nearly 24 now. Go for it!

kelper · 05/03/2017 14:06

My parents were like this, so bloody negative about anything I wanted to try.
I've recently started at college learning a new career, and whilst my mother appears to have had a personality transplant in later life and is encouraging, my dad has already told me I'll fail at it so why am I bothering.
Its so destructive and even now I'm seriously doubting myself, because of what my father, who has never tried anything new, and is the most negative person I know, is telling me.
Perhaps, OP, you should go and join your daughter in her ballet lessons, learn something new, and don't make her doubt herself, it fucking hurts to have no confidence because of your parents.
Sorry i may be projecting my feelings a little :-/

PussInCoutts · 05/03/2017 14:10

kelper I really feel for you and the other PPs in your situation.

You can do it. Try surround yourself with positive people who support you.

The bestseller Mindset is a great book to read, by Carol Dwerck if I recall right.

Devilishpyjamas · 05/03/2017 14:10

I've just started karate at 46. I'd like to get good at it. I know I won't be world class but that doesn't mean I can't get good at it.

Very odd OP.

Originalfoogirl · 05/03/2017 14:16

i'm paying for it so it does have something to do with me

Wrong. It doesn't.

Did you choose their uni course for them? All their clothes? Their school lunches?

Fast forward to her wedding, you're chipping in, do you assume that gives you the right to interfere?

If she was the flaky type who picked up and dropped off things with no effort and on a whim, you might want to sanction it. i.e. "Well, I paid for your lion taming, international llama racing and jelly sculpting lessons but you gave them up, so I'll pay for the first two lessons but if you quit you're owe me the money back"

But to consider telling her you won't let her do it because you think she might not be any good at it and because it's your right because you are paying for it. Not cool.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 05/03/2017 14:17

I've just started ballet (and loving seeing all these later-life ballerinas on this thread, pirouettes all round and don't forget to turn out) and of course I want to get good at it. What's the point at turning up at class every week and being shit?

It is NEVER too late to learn a skill. Yes, it may be too late for me to join the corps de ballet, but it's not too late for me to enjoy the discipline and sweat and expression of ballet. And I'm 46! Your dd is still a child.

BagelDog · 05/03/2017 14:19

There are plenty of adult ballet classes, lots of us go who didn't dance as children, we aren't feuded that we will ever be pro level but equally none of us are aiming to be useless...

Phoebefromfriends · 05/03/2017 14:48

Unclench OP she's asking you to support a hobby that will keep her fit, whether or not she becomes good at it is irrelevant. You will be paying for half a dance class not half a cocaine habit.

I've recently trained to be a Pole Fitness Instructor in my thirties, whilst I may never be the best I absolutely love it. You sure she doesn't mean pole classes?

MulderitsmeX · 05/03/2017 15:02

Now is a great time to start ballet, it's great for toning/cardio fitness/posture, it's fun so much easier to stick at. It also helps with long term and short term memory recall, she will make loads of new friends, it gives you confidence.

She defo wont be a ballet pro but If she does other performance stuff could help mayne her get into contemporary . She could also get into saturday teaching with the little ones.

It also requires lots of discipline and focus so the rest of her studies will hugely benefit.