Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 19 is a bit too old to START ballet and gymnastics?

136 replies

Stedloop · 04/03/2017 17:50

DD is 19.

Has never done ballet or gymnastics in her whole life so a complete, complete beginner.

She says she would like to become good at it.

This is my worry.

Fine I think for fun, but she does go on about trying hard to become good at it.

She is at uni (local) so I know it's not some weird change of career idea. However, AIBU to think it is a bit too old to have an ambition of becoming good at it?

I have no issue if just for fun.

OP posts:
daisypond · 04/03/2017 18:17

Don't know about adult gymnastics classes, but there'll definitely be adult ballet classes for beginners. She won't be doing lessons with little children.

RedAndYellowPeppers · 04/03/2017 18:18

Oh come one. Just let her be and try.
Why would you be worried about that. She is 19yo and is trying something new. Good on her!

And please don't judge her choice. Your ds might be having music lessons. Your dd is trying something else. Unless what you meant by doing the same for her meant doing the same only if it is something I'm happy with.

Out2pasture · 04/03/2017 18:18

Ballet for certain opens up the possibility of a life long healthy activity. The exposure to classical music and theatre productions.
YUBU and probably mean spirited as well.

PoorYorick · 04/03/2017 18:18

Only if she's planning on becoming a professional. If she just wants to be better at it every year she does it, it's never too late for that. I know women who have started ballet in their 50s. It's a dance class, why can't anyone of any age take a dance class?

She's not dead yet, OP...

TheCuriousOwl · 04/03/2017 18:21

She absolutely can become good at it.

A lot of performers don't have all the dance genres when they start formal training and have to learn tap from scratch etc. Also I have a mate who started gym from total beginner who can now tumble etc and is working on becoming a stuntman!

There's various hurdles to overcome but she absolutely can become a 'good amateur' if not better. 19 is nothing. My stunt mate is in his 20s.

AYankinSpanx · 04/03/2017 18:24

A friend has just started ballet at 39 and has just performed her first show. MY DD's ballet teacher runs adult classes for beginners.

It's really no different to starting yoga, tai chi etc.

SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 04/03/2017 18:25

I've been to adult ballet lessons. At 24, I was a mere whippersnapper compared to most of the people who went. There was a mix of those who had done it in their youth (many were very good) and complete beginners that hadn't had a chance before.

Gymnastics could be harder for flexibility, but the best way to find out is to try it.

5moreminutes · 04/03/2017 18:29

Ballet and gymnastics are just exercise / sport really - "becoming good at it" if you start at 19 is the same as"becoming good at" running or swimming etc. or indeed playing the piano... You have to be quite good at playing / doing a sport or playing an instrument before you really enjoy it, but being quite good doesn't mean competition good, just good enough to get real pleasure out of the activity.

Being good at ballet and gymnastics for your DD might eventually mean good enough to teach it herself, or just good enough to move up to the intermediate or advanced class eventually or good enough to do certain moves or routines or whatever. Imagine the confidence in her body she could gain, and the strength and fitness.

I wouldn't like my small DD to be devoted to those sports because those who dream of achieving professional status go through such rigours and there are the spectres of eating disorders ... But starting at 19 it's almost better that those ships have sailed and it's all for personal satisfaction and fitness.

I'd say it's a really positive thing she wants to get active and has the confidence to put herself into a situation like starting these hobbies at 19 - it can be an awkward age.

olderthanyouthink · 04/03/2017 18:29

She said "good" not "prima ballerina" YABU

I've thought about it (I'm 21) but I've only just moved to a place where it would be possible and I think I'd like to learn Cello more than ballet, right now, so I'm looking into that. Or am I too old?

Honeybee79 · 04/03/2017 18:29

I don't know much about gymnastics, but I did lots of ballet ftom the age of 2 until I stopped at about 18 (though I returned to it after uni, in a more relaxed/fun setting).

It's fair to say that she's probably missed the boat as a soloist for the English National Ballet or similar, but there's no reason why she can't take it up now and develop skill and proficiency in the discipline. Whether she becomes "good" at it depends on her expectations, natural physical ability and, crucially, work ethic and willingness to commit. If she puts the time in she can progress and take the various exams. Lots of adult ballet classes around these days and many adults do the exams, tho you don't have to.

It will also widen her social circle and really increase fitness, strength and flexibility. Plus it's good to put yourself out there and try new things, so why not.

treaclesoda · 04/03/2017 18:29

OP you sound a bit like my parents, who discouraged absolutely everything, always citing things like 'we didn't want you to be disappointed when you found out you were no good at it'.

As a result I'm in my 40s and have achieved very little in life because I lack confidence in every single area.

Encourage her at it, it's a good thing to want to learn to do something well.

Silvertap · 04/03/2017 18:30

I I'm 36 and started an adult gymnastics beginners course a year ago.

I can now do all the basics and can nearly do a handspring.

I'm aiming for a back flip by the time I'm 40 and reckon that's within reach.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 04/03/2017 18:31

Look At strictly Come Damcing - much ilder people take part and some become very good at it. Im still planning on taking up modern dance one day and I'm 34!

ShelaghTurner · 04/03/2017 18:31

I'm 45 and I've promised myself that when I get to a reasonable weight I'm going to have ice dance lessons. I'm not aiming to be Jayne Torvill but I think I'll have fun.

nancy75 · 04/03/2017 18:32

Different to ballet bu I work in a tennis club, we have people that have never played before starting lessons in their 40s/59s & 60s, as long as they keep coming and playing they do become good at it. One of our ladies is 87, it's never too late!

PoorYorick · 04/03/2017 18:34

Shelagh, don’t wait. Do it now. Now is all you have.

Dulcimena · 04/03/2017 18:35

Blimey OP why are you being so negative about something your adult DD is interested in doing? She's got nothing to lose, she wants to try something new, I really don't understand what you're worried about??

runninglikemad · 04/03/2017 18:39

I think it is really sad that you aren't encouraging her, I would be over the moon if one of my DC's wanted to do something that would interest them and keep them fit. Who cares how old they are and she's hardly old is she!

What has she got to lose? I would be so enthusiastic if I were you.

ToastVacuum · 04/03/2017 18:40

Trust her judgement and stop worrying. She may become good at it, she may not, and as an intelligent young adult I'm sure she's aware of this. She's willing to give it a try and put some effort in. Exercise and learning different skills are beneficial. A lot of girls give up sport altogether once they no longer have to do it at school.

So you're paying half? When I was studying (a long time ago admittedly!) of course parents gave financial assistance, but people's parents certainly wouldn't be scrutinising the minutiae of their hobbies. That would have seemed far too helicoptery. The idea of university was to try new things and make your own decisions, not to be controlled by your parents.

(This isn't a reverse, is it....?)

KatherinaMinola · 04/03/2017 18:42

Not too old at all. I started ballet at 39 and a friend started trapeze at 40 (and did become quite good at it). I know people who took up dance as young adults and became professionals (not ballet, admittedly - that does require a younger start to reach professional level).

I can't see the problem at all, although I do think it's generous of you to pay half.

Gabilan · 04/03/2017 18:43

I just think 'I'd like to become good at it' is a bit too ambitious

But "good" is quite nebulous. If she said "I'm aiming for the 2020 Olympics" she'd sound deluded. "Good" is achievable because she can define what she means by good. Probably she means enjoying it, not embarrassing herself too much, being able to perform the basic moves but not rivalling Anna Pavlova.

I'm a good horse rider. You won't see me doing well competitively but I enjoy myself and my horse is happy and healthy. If you look at the competitors on Strictly Come Dancing it's clear that people in their 20s learn quicker and that they won't become professionals (usually) but they are good dancers.

BoomBoomsCousin · 04/03/2017 18:44

I think we've been sold, for a long time, the idea that some things are only for the young. Especially women. But as Kaori Nakamura and Oksana Chusovitina a lot of these physical abilities don't leave us so young. It's more that we have less time and focus to dedicate to such pursuits. I'm not suggesting your daughter can become elite at her age, but there is no reason to think she can't become good - and have fun doing it. She seems to have ambition, and I think it would be a huge disservice to try and talk her out of that. As well as the benefit of being physically active, having the focus to push yourself forward at whatever you put your mind to is a great skill to develop.

Chippednailvarnishing · 04/03/2017 18:44

Had a significant birthday last year, I've set myself three goals to achieve in the next few years. I'll complete the first goal in June. 19 is no age at all, you're coming across as if you are willing her to fail.

ToastVacuum · 04/03/2017 18:45

Oh and if it doesn't work out, so what? Young people need the experience of making their own mistakes and learning from them, as this develops resilience. Obviously for something really important, you'd give advice to help avoid disaster, but a 19 year old who might not be a great success at ballet or gymnastics? I think it should be put in perspective.

Do you worry about her generally?

WhereYouLeftIt · 04/03/2017 18:45

"She says she will go to the adults beginners class."
So enough adults want to start ballet/gymnastics for it to be worth running a class. Doesn't that tell you something?

^"AIBU to think it is a bit too old to have an ambition of becoming good at it?"Yes, YABU. She's at uni, presumably stretching her brain. Stretching her body in her leisure time is a very good way to clear her mind and keep herself, mentally speaking, on an even keel. When you're studying it's very difficult to mentally escape - physical activity does it brilliantly. And trying to become good at ot - very natural. If you don't challenge yourself, you tend to become bored. I think your daughter has an excellent attitude.

Try not to worry - I think you see her as setting herself up for disappointment if she doesn't achieve some vague target. I don't think that's what she's doing here. Please, be supportive of her. She'll know if you're not, and it could affect your relationship.

Swipe left for the next trending thread