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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 19 is a bit too old to START ballet and gymnastics?

136 replies

Stedloop · 04/03/2017 17:50

DD is 19.

Has never done ballet or gymnastics in her whole life so a complete, complete beginner.

She says she would like to become good at it.

This is my worry.

Fine I think for fun, but she does go on about trying hard to become good at it.

She is at uni (local) so I know it's not some weird change of career idea. However, AIBU to think it is a bit too old to have an ambition of becoming good at it?

I have no issue if just for fun.

OP posts:
Astoria7974 · 04/03/2017 19:33

Misty copeland was 1) a progidy - she only needed 2 years of training before going pro 2) had a mum who had formal dance training & had aggressively taught her everything she knew from 3-11.

lyricaldancer · 04/03/2017 19:38

Zelda was well known for being obsessed with the idea of becoming a ballerina but also it was never likely to amount to anything. It's an old example, though, she'd have pre dated Margot Fonteyn's career, probably

OpalFruitsMarathonsandSpira · 04/03/2017 19:39

My mum was a 'piss on your chips- eye roll' type. I thank her for my lack of self confidence.

Read this op and take note, the therapy bill will cost much more than a few gymnastics lessons. You sound really discouraging - no doubt you think^ you are realistic.

I wonder what Stevie Wonder's mum said when he fancied learning piano. Hmm

lyricaldancer · 04/03/2017 19:40

Yes, well obviously she was a prodigy. I've read her biography, she did extremely well under difficult circumstances.

miserableandinpain · 04/03/2017 19:41

Whats wrong with wanting to be good at something? How is that too ambitious? Just support her decision.

alfagirl73 · 04/03/2017 20:03

Why shouldn't she want to be good at it? Who starts any kind of hobby/interest/sport and thinks "I'm going to do this but only ever want to be crap at it!"?! Of course people want to improve at the things they enjoy.

People start all kinds of sports and activities at all ages; assuming she's a fairly fit and healthy 19 year old, enjoys it, and puts the effort in, then she probably will be pretty good. She's not declared she's going to the Olympics or anything. In any event - if she enjoys it and continues with it, both activities will result in her being extremely toned and fit, and the ballet in particular will give her fantastic posture - not to mention the positive effects on her mental health. Have you ever heard of a DVD called the New York City Ballet Workout? People buy it and do it for toning and conditioning and even just watching it is very calming.

Instead of being so negative, why not open your mind and try being supportive and encouraging. If she enjoys it and it gives her goals while keeping her fit, then what harm is she doing anyone?! Good for her I say!

Floofborksnootandboop · 04/03/2017 20:07

I was 20 when I started ballet, originally as a way to loose weight but I ended up really enjoying it. It's been 20 years now and I'm still doing it!

Autumntactics · 04/03/2017 20:09

Treaclesoda my parents too. OP be glad your DD has interest and enthusiasm to do things and encourage her to make her own decisions and try things for herself, don't dent her self confidence, this is such a crucial age for developing who she will be as an adult. Both could be be excellent for her strength and stamina as well as enjoyable to learn.

miserableandinpain · 04/03/2017 20:11

I did ballet from 4 years old to 16. Was fairly good at it. Mother made me give up. Wish she didnt as it was the only social activity i had and the only exercise i got. I them decided to start again when i was 20 but she laughed at me and said it was a stupid idea as i would be rubbish now. I did one lesson remembered her words throughout the whole lesson and never went back. One of the biggest mistakes of my life. I love ballet but now i have children and dont have the time. Let her enjoy herself. Dont be unsupportive ir a killjoy

harderandharder2breathe · 04/03/2017 20:27

I learned to ice skate as an adult. I would say I was good but compared to a non skater I was. I did some jumps, spins etc and did a few adult competitions. I also did synchronised skating which was the most fun I ever had on ice. I did a club team comp where I was the only adult and I didn't care it was fun!

So agree with all the PP saying that she's not going to be a prima ballerina or Olympic gymnast but she can still be good! And even if she's not good, it's great exercise and social

angeldelightedme · 04/03/2017 20:51

Attitudes like yours OP are the reason why there is such a high female sports dropout after the age of about 14.

Ohyesiam · 04/03/2017 21:25

What's the worst that can happen op?

MunchMunch · 04/03/2017 21:42

Our gym runs adult classes for trampoline (beginner +) and I'm sure they done an adult gymnastics class but I'm not sure if they still run it (they have other venues in the area that my dc don't go to so can't say if they're held there instead)

Encourage your dd, I can't understand why you wouldn't and just because she wants to be "good" doesn't mean it's my idea or your idea or the coaches idea of "good" but as long as her idea of "good" is good enough for her why worry?

StrangeLookingParasite · 04/03/2017 21:48

OP you sound a bit like my parents, who discouraged absolutely everything, always citing things like 'we didn't want you to be disappointed when you found out you were no good at it'.

Ugh, you had parents like mine.
It is so destructive.

bruffin · 04/03/2017 21:49

My dd has just taken up diving at 19. Shes loving it, even though she managed to give herself a black eye going backward off the 3m .
Im very proud of her

Dixiestamp · 05/03/2017 01:45

Dad's ballet school also has adult classes, similar to pps. It's amazing seeing women in their 50s achieving a lifetime ambition of dancing on pointe shoes. I'd join if I hadn't done my flipping back in. 19 is young yet. I started a hobby at 18 and the group I'm in are national champions (won't give more detail as may be identifying)- I just did it to have fun initially.

Ericaequites · 05/03/2017 01:48

Zelda was peculiar long before she met her Scottie.
Ballet is good for posture and strength. American players in the National Football League take classes to strengthen their knees. She may never be a prima ballerina, but she will have a good time.

Originalfoogirl · 05/03/2017 02:23

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2016/08/14/britains-oldest-ballerina-71-passes-her-grade-6-exam/

This lady started at 61 and in ten years, passed grade 6 exam.

Safe to say, 19 is an alright age to start.

minisausage · 05/03/2017 02:50

Not at all too old!!

Birdsgottaf1y · 05/03/2017 03:14

Slightly different, but similar, many pole dancers (proper ones, not just gyrating around a pole), don't start until they're over 20.

OP really take note of the posters who are talking about you lowering your DDs self esteem and confidence.

It's fun to try new things, even if your rubbish at them.

As for too old, I went to a gym with Women up to 68 and I took up weight lifting at 47, none of us will be world champions, but we've done a hell of a lot for our MH and bones.

I've got three adult DDs and you do have to remind yourself that they're adults and to stop trying to manage their disappointments and just enjoy their enthusiasm about stuff.

Dixiestamp · 05/03/2017 03:17

Dear lord I meant DD's ballet, not Dad- that would be interesting seeing that he's nearly 70 (but still, we're all saying you're never too old!!).

barefootinkitchen · 05/03/2017 03:43

I started going to dance lessons for adults at pineapple in London when I was 28 and I got so much out of it. I'd never done any dance before . I got really into it and it was such a great thing to do after work. There were young adults in the class who'd been doing ballet since they were kids and they were so flexible etc. But there were newbies too. She'll have fun and can become quite good if she keeps it up.

BeaderBird · 05/03/2017 04:59

YABU. You'd rather she aimed to be shit and bit achieve anything? She could train for the next 30 years and become very good. She's not aiming to be professional but she is aiming to be successful.

You sound a tad jealous of you ask me.

JungleInTheRumble · 05/03/2017 05:24

Another one here whose parents liked to rain on any idea and just point out the negatives. Don't be that parent. She can get good at ballet starting at 19 - just because she's not going to be a professional ballet dancer doesn't mean she can't be good at it and enjoy it.

PussInCoutts · 05/03/2017 05:36

YABU.

Let your DD go for her dreams. It might lead to something you cannot even expect yet.

I can't believe parents discourage their kids like this when the kid is trying to do something that is healthy and productive. I'd take your DDs 'issue' any day over a typical drinking/socialising/gaming teenager.

Trying hard to become good at it is great in so many ways. I have a hobby I am great at and it gives me so much confidence and would love for my DCs to have similar as they grow up (no hobby-sneering please, there's hardly anyone in the UK with my specific hobby so I prefer to keep it anonymous Grin - and it's perfectly legal and not dogging Grin )