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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to have put my son back in nappies ?

67 replies

CharlotteL789 · 04/03/2017 17:04

He's 3.5 yrs and nowhere near dry we've tried training but get nowhere, I mentioned to him a few weeks ago if we get no further I'll go back to nappies and that's what I did last week.

He doesn't like it but it makes things so much easier for me while he's not ready but I feel a bit guilty. I just wish he'd behave more and not cause such a fuss at changetime :-(

OP posts:

Evergreen777 · 04/03/2017 17:08

Could he use pull ups, and treat them just like pants? Ie, expect him to use the potty/toilet but not such a problem if he fails. 3.5 is quite old to be in nappies in the daytime. He'll presumably be 4 by September and off to school, so needs to be reliable by then. Would your health visitor have any advice?

Original poster

CharlotteL789 · 04/03/2017 17:11

I did try pullups but they leak and he'd mess with them so a nappy actually works better.

To be honest I think he's just messing about and being lazy so I don't expect him to be in a nappy near school age.

OP posts:

Mumtobe12 · 04/03/2017 17:25

It might seem like the easy now but your regret it later when he is in nappies at school. Lots of schools now won't take children until they dry so keep going with lots of praise for using toilet etc

GeorgeTheHamster · 04/03/2017 17:31

Nope. Not unreasonable. When he gets fed up enough he'll focus on getting rid of his nappies.

ChocolateButton15 · 04/03/2017 17:33

I would persevere with potty training. 3.5 is old to be wearing nappies if there's no health issues.

I trained mine at 2.5 and it was hell, I think it's harder now because nappies are so good and absorbant they can't always tell they are weeing.

I used bribery...gave her a pound for every wee (then took them back at bedtime for next day) i know someone who bought a big toy for her daughter and told her she can have it when she's dry in the day. Reward charts or something similar.
Praise when they manage the loo/potty, how good he did and he's a big boy now. Accidents, don't make a fuss but get him to help clean up and emphasise potty next time.
Potty training can take ages and they do regress or have accidents still for a while. Is he due to start school this year or next?

DoNotBlameMeIVotedRemain · 04/03/2017 17:34

I would stick with it at 3.5. You can get washable potty training pants which hold some wee in case of accidents but are pants not nappies.

StarryIllusion · 04/03/2017 17:35

If you think he is just being lazy and Messi get around could you get him to help you clean up when he has an accident. Help put his wet stuff in the washing machine and wipe up etc. Make it more inconvenient to not go on the potty and you might find he starts. I had to do that with my ds 3 who gets so busy playing games and doesn't want to stop to get up and go so just wees where he is. So I started making him help me when he did and that took him away from his game longer than a potty trip would. It is working I think, mostly.

ChocolateButton15 · 04/03/2017 17:37

I took a portable potty everywhere too! The one you can put on loo seats or put the bag inside if you aren't near a look. Absolute life saver at the time!

DoNotBlameMeIVotedRemain · 04/03/2017 17:38

The washables feel wet so better than pull ups but still mean he usually has to ask for toilet.

We had an app from huggies which helped DS too as they won little games etc for doing wees on potty.

Bodicea · 04/03/2017 17:44

My son is 3 and a half and is down right impossible to train. Fine at home but as soon as we go out he refuses to go to the toilet and ends up having accidents. Still won't do a number two on the loo. I have been persevering and getting nowhere. He is quite happy to shit himself and carry on and as he does about 3 poohs a day I really can't cope.
I am compromising on pull ups when out but put pants under them to try and get him used to the feeling of wearing pants. I am gonna push it again in a month. He just is t ready.
Do what feels best to you.
To those who say they really should be potty trained by now. I say they don't have my son! They have no idea! He will not be going to school in nappies ( thankfully he's an older child so not going for a while).

Moanyoldcow · 04/03/2017 17:52

My son was like this and we didn't get him trained until he was about 3y 9m. We'd tried before but got nowhere. If he's really not ready then it's fine. If there are physical signs of readiness like being dry for some hours, dry overnight, awareness of when he's going I'd persevere. Good luck! Whilst my son is now totally trained he won't use the toilet and insists on the potty, it's long road for some children.

cheeeeselover · 04/03/2017 18:14

You need to persevere. You can't put him back in nappies at that age. You need to try a new tactic maybe. My dsis had problems potty training and resorted to bribery! But not with sweets. She bought a load of cheap crappy toys/trinkets and wrapped them up and then every time potty was used he got a lucky dip treat. After a week he was sorted and no need for lucky dip treats anymore 😊

Angela0413 · 04/03/2017 18:16

Doesn't sound like he's ready, my son is the same. Wait a month and don't stress about it then start again from fresh with reward stickers etc etc.

Coulddowithanap · 04/03/2017 18:22

If he isn't ready then he isn't ready. Give it a few weeks and try again.

Does he go to nursery? Only saying as my ds really had no interest in potty training until he noticed the bigger boys at nursery using the toilet and he wanted to be like them. He was dry practically over night and had very few accidents.

MatildaTheCat · 04/03/2017 18:31

Can he stay dry when really needs to? I'd use pull ups for sanity and insist on hourly potty, plenty of fluids and a very good supply of stickers or smarties.

If he has no control then use nappies and ask hv about the way forward.

Original poster

CharlotteL789 · 04/03/2017 18:41

Its hard to tell how much if any control he has but he'd think it was funny weeing or pooing his pants before I put nappies back on so I do think he is partly messing me about.

The nursery were fine when I told them he's back in a nappy, they didn't judge and don't mind changing him.

I know some mums frown at using nappies after the 3rd birthday but it really is hardwork without, I have 2 others in nappies full time so to me it's just another bum to do and I am using cloth so it's not really costing anything.

OP posts:

PassTheCremeEggs · 04/03/2017 20:02

I think you have to push it. Set aside a few days/a week to focus on it completely, even if it means staying in. It's possible he's not ready but at 3.5 it's unlikely. He's spent 3.5 years weeing and pooing in a nappy so needs practice getting the hang of not doing it - both in using the loo/potty and in understanding when he needs to go and what to do. This only comes from not having a nappy on and having a good few accidents. Being ready isn't the same as already knowing what to do - he has to learn that and you need to teach him. I really would persevere at this age. Sympathies though - potty training is definitely one of the worst bits of parenting!

x2boys · 05/03/2017 11:57

schools cant refiuse to take children in nappies Mumtobe as that is not only illegal but discriminatory towards children with medical issues or disabillities , that aside Op if hes not ready hes not ready leave it a couple of months and try again.

Soubriquet · 05/03/2017 12:00

If he isn't ready he isn't ready.

Try over the summer holidays when he can run around naked.

That's what I did with my Dd and she picked it up within 3 days. She was 3.4.

lozzylizzy · 05/03/2017 17:02

My girl was 3 in december. She will wear pants for nursery but she wont go on any toilet. We have tried every treat, blowing bubbles, sat in bathroom for up to 2 hrs at a time. She held her wee and poo for hours. I want to ditch pull ups all together as she will put her own on to go but dh says he doesnt want her to wee in bed.

SuperRainbows · 05/03/2017 17:10

Don't make an issue of it. You know him best. If you don't think he's ready that's the end of the matter.
All of mine were reluctant to come out of nappies. Each time I left it until they were ready and it happened quickly, easily and without any problems.
Parentood is not a competition. It's a unique journey that should be enjoyed by all!

northernshepherdess · 05/03/2017 18:25

Peeing in nappies will be so much nicer than in pants so no real bother to him.
The age of coming out of nappies has risen continually since the introduction of washing machines and then disposables because you can bet if people had to wash their nappies by hand they would push to train the children faster (there's also now nursery which means children aren't spotted early enough to get them on the loo.
1950, nr 100% in cloth nappies and 95% potty trained by the age of 18 months.
1980s, about 50% in cloth diapers,50% in disposable and only about 50% potty trained by the age of 18months.
Today,90-95% in disposable diapers and 10% potty trained by 18 months.
The average age being 30 months, ranging from 18-60 months.

DoNotBlameMeIVotedRemain · 06/03/2017 09:40

OP is using cloth to be fair! So she is in your 5-10% where nappies are hard work. Have you tried the training pants OP? I do think they be helpful. A bit absorbant but still pants

Themoonthestars · 06/03/2017 10:00

My eldest was 3.3 before he was out of nappies. After many failed attempts.

I put pants on with a nappy over the top. It actually really helped because he could tell he was wet but without the constant puddles.

Once he was ready it only took a week.

Rinceoir · 06/03/2017 10:18

What do you think is stopping him? Does he realise he is wet? Does it bother him? If he doesn't I would probably leave it a few weeks and try again. Personally I found pull ups useless- DD just thought they were nappies and it confused her.

I think most children will do it when ready, obviously some are more stubborn about it. My DD practically trained herself just after turning 2- was dry day and night within a week. My best friends DD is 3.10 and just trained a few weeks ago. She also got it in a few days after months of tears and arguments over the potty- she just got up one day and said no more nappies.

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