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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have put my son back in nappies ?

67 replies

CharlotteL789 · 04/03/2017 17:04

He's 3.5 yrs and nowhere near dry we've tried training but get nowhere, I mentioned to him a few weeks ago if we get no further I'll go back to nappies and that's what I did last week.

He doesn't like it but it makes things so much easier for me while he's not ready but I feel a bit guilty. I just wish he'd behave more and not cause such a fuss at changetime :-(

OP posts:
RhodaBorrocks · 06/03/2017 10:33

Is DS around any older kids who would let him observe? I tried with my DS at 2.5 and he wouldn't cooperate even though the signs said he was ready. Then a few months later when DS was nearly 3 we had a visit from some cousins. The cousin closest in age to him (5, and also a boy) invited him into the loo to show him he was a big boy who used the toilet. Cousin was trying to show off but DS was actually really interested and it was helpful.

DS used the toilet for the rest of the day and when we put him in a nappy that night he complained bitterly. Although we kept him in a night nappy for a few more months (we were also using cloth), he was dry from that day onwards.

So he could do it, he just needed to see someone else doing it. He wasn't bothered by the kids at nursery, but he looked up to and wanted to be like his cousins.

SaucyJack · 06/03/2017 10:35

Is he your oldest? Does he spend much time with older kids?

A bit of peer pressure can work wonders with kids who are physically ready, but just stubborn if you can get them to want to wear "big boy/girl pants" like their cousin X does.

SaucyJack · 06/03/2017 10:35

Or what Rhoda said just before me (!) :-)

Yogimummy123 · 06/03/2017 13:09

Mine did between 2 & 2.5yrs. Can u have him pant-less when not at home so he always has to go to the loo or potty? I don't know about when you're out & about but doing it at home might help with recognition & control

farfarawayfromhome · 06/03/2017 13:09

my DD is 3.5 and still in nappies for naps and at night. the key to the day time was bribery...but she only 'got' it about a month ago...

Yogimummy123 · 06/03/2017 13:09

When at home not "not at home"... my failing brain..

Slipknotmum · 06/03/2017 13:30

We tried with my little girl on and off from 2ish but each time she just wasn't ready... around her 3rd birthday we spent 5 days at home with nothing on her bottom half (pull up on if we HAD to go out) and I set timer on my phone for every 15mins and we stopped everything and went to the toilet... had maybe 3 accidents in that week but I didn't make a fuss, praised her highly when she did anything in toilet and that was her. Kept pull ups on at night but they stayed dry so a couple weeks later we stopped using them and have had no accidents since. (She's now 4) perseverance is key I think. Good luck! Smile

cheekybean · 06/03/2017 13:45

My daughter was like this and it turned out she had an underactive digestive system. She would wee and poo without really knowing she was doing it despite the fact that she was potty trained quite early on. At first I put it down to stress with starting preschool. I was horrified with myself when I realised it was actually a medical condition.

d270r0 · 06/03/2017 14:05

At 3 and a half, and starting school in 6 months I would definitely not go back to using nappies. 6 months is all he will have before school, you don't want him in nappies at school.
Some children do have accidents for a very long time. Yes its a pain but hey need to persevere and get used to it. My ds is 5 and a half and still has daily accidents. Not the entire wee, he does some, then stops and goes to the toilet, but hes already wet and still needs to change. If I had 'waited for him to be ready' he'd still be in nappies now, halfway through his second year of school. But he manages at school- he has a vibrating watch to remind him to go which has worked well, and he can more or less stay dry.
Its not just the 'feeling of needing to go' they have to get used to, but also just going tegularly, being able to go by themselves, balance on toilet, trousers and pants up and down, wiping bottom, washing hands etc. They need to be able to do all that themselves before school starts. So I would definitely keep him out of nappies and let him keep practising, so he knows what to do ready for school. Yes its extra washing- but you also can teach him to get changed himself and put wet clothes in the right place so that if or when he has an accident at school he can do it himself.

neversleepagain · 06/03/2017 14:22

My twins were dry in the day from 2.8. One was dry at night from 3.5. The other is 4.5 and still wearing a pull up at night.

neversleepagain · 06/03/2017 14:36

Apologies, I didnt real the title properly before posting. I thought you were asking ages dc stopped wearing nappies.

StaceyMummyof3 · 06/03/2017 14:44

We tried my daughter at 2 but wasn't ready..went back to try at 2.5 and only 2 accidents..(night time) 1 of those was because I didn't get to her early enough in the morning..
My son..tried at 3 (was not showing any signs he was ready at 2/2.5) he is now 3 and 5 months and is generally dry overnight most nights but has pull up daytime just pants and is good at weeing but poos are a real issue he's either playing or watching something and he tells me after he's done it..I try encourage him all day to go potty and he goes himself or by me asking but just not for poos..it's sooo annoying.

StaceyMummyof3 · 06/03/2017 14:46

Went back to nappies for a few days I was so annoyed

IamAparent · 06/03/2017 15:42

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BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 06/03/2017 15:51

He'll do it when he's good and ready, don't stress about it. Every child is different and you can either persevere and get there eventually (although you may have lost your hair on the way) or wait a while and find that he'll do it within a week. If you have two younger children, in nappies, I suspect that that's got something to do with it.
And if you decide to persevere, don't be afraid to use blatant bribery! We did 5 smarties for every wee on the potty and 7 for a poo!
Good luck!

BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 06/03/2017 15:51

And I had three in 2 1/2 years, and all three in nappies for a while.

joannegrady90 · 06/03/2017 15:55

I went through this op.

My DD was constantly wet at 3, then in the summer holidays we threw away the nappies and bought knickers. Lots of accidents but by 2 weeks time she cracked it. We did have to stay home a lot and she was put on he potty / toilet every half hour.

Hard work but worth it is recommended no nappies during the day and an intensive week of training if you can.

sarahandme · 06/03/2017 16:25

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IadoreEfteling · 06/03/2017 16:31

sorry but all actual expert advice is to wait until the child is truly ready, I shudder when I hear " I trained mine at 3 months, 3.5 is too old to be in nappies"

Says fucking who? How dare anyone proclaim this sort of nonsense? I have family who still wear nappies at 5 half as their parent pushed and pushed them when they were not ready.

Wait till they are ready and they should get it all in two weeks - incld accidents. Do not push, its such a sensitive area and you can end with real psychological issues.

Forget about it for a few weeks, they change soooo much at these ages.......back off then try again. Dont make a thing about it - they dont know its a thing until mum is stressed going on about it - then it becomes one. Good luck op, dont feel pressured.

IadoreEfteling · 06/03/2017 16:32

BTW with both of mine I waited until they were ready, both were done in short time, few accidents, and no fuss, no constant putting on potties, no trailing round with potties, nothing. Dry, done, no fuss and they were both around 3 - 4. Mil used to force pants on DD and she came home screaming to wear nappies, which I put back on immediately, we stopped mil visits and got her trained.

Grinandbearingit · 06/03/2017 16:38

Can people stop saying 'he shouldn't be in nappies at that age' is there a law stating a specific age!!?!? NO! Each to their own! If you're lucky enough to have a kid that was easy to potty train then lucky you! I have a 4 year old who refuses to poo on the toilet, only in nappies! We've tried EVERYTHING! He'll wee on the loo no probs though, but only standing up! I guess he'll do it when he is ready, he starts school in Sept, so fingers crossed!! OP don't be hard on yourself or be pressured by anyone else! All kids are their own person! He won't be wearing nappies forever!! I know it's really hard, especially as I have a baby now too, but not long and there will be no nappies! X

Featherybum · 06/03/2017 17:02

My son is only really got wees at 3.5, and we are still struggling to get poos (30% ish hit rate) at 3.8. He is waiting for assessment for asd but I'm not sure how connected that is. I completely get where you are coming from and your frustration. It's so tiring always cleaning up accidents and dealing with other peoples opinions! We've chosen to keep plodding on as he finally got the wees but we've found "dry like me" pads in Asda that are like thick panty liners and basically limit the damage when he poos in his pants.

I think in my sons case it's a combination of prob not being quite psychologically ready and also a "thing" about not loosing his poo down the toilet. Apparently this is a thing and some kids see poo as part of themselves and want to keep it. We've found the cartoon "poo goes to pooland" (google it on you tube) helped with getting him on board with it a bit and sticker charts (which you are prob already sick of!)

Anyway good luck and just wanted to let you know you aren't alone and it isn't all that unusual even though it's bloody annoying. health visitor may also be able to offer you some support?

Grinandbearingit · 06/03/2017 17:25

Yes we're getting assessed too! Confused

Wherehaveiputmywine · 06/03/2017 17:34

He has to be ready as previous posters have said, signs can be dry after nap time or dry some nights. I am just training my 38 mth old and after a complete fail for the first few days, he didn't want to be a big boy; wasn't interested in stickers. I bought disposable tablecloths and took up rugs or covered those I couldn't with them. Put a potty in every room, lined with the Potette Plus liners(so I just tie them and throw them out), borrowed a singing potty. Then got some cheap underpants from Primark and let him run around the house either just wearing those or going naked from the waist down. Also bribed him with a Smartie for every success. We are doing ok with wee, but poos are still a work in progress. He is starting to recognize the signals his body is giving him, but we have 4-5 unsuccessful visits for every success. It takes time and every child is different, my older one was different again. Don't pressure yourself, he will get there.

MsGemJay · 06/03/2017 17:37

Agreed! And late (in response)
My daughter was fully done and is dry at night (so far). She was 4 1/2yo when reliable. In good time for as school.

Thank god for pull ups. Not for wee, but she had a thing about poos. In the end I let her use a potty (at mine) and played colour-i-spy while she did her business.

Children won't graduate/get married in nappies (unless med reasons) I chose not to rush her. Some might not agree.

Overall I think handwashing is the most important part and communicating what's happening xx

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