AIBU to have put my son back in nappies ?

[CharlotteL789]

He's 3.5 yrs and nowhere near dry we've tried training but get nowhere, I mentioned to him a few weeks ago if we get no further I'll go back to nappies and that's what I did last week.

He doesn't like it but it makes things so much easier for me while he's not ready but I feel a bit guilty. I just wish he'd behave more and not cause such a fuss at changetime :-(

With DS (my second child), we didn't do any of the nappy off thing that I did with the first (and drove myself crazy with all the mess), we just had him in pull ups and every 30-45 mins put him on the toilet. Sometimes he went in there, sometimes he didn't, but as time went on (I'm talking months) going on the toilet became more and more frequent to the point where he always went on the toilet. Persistence is definitely the answer though, especially if it is laziness, as eventually he will realise that if he's having to go to the toilet anyway every 30 mins, it is quicker to just go when he's there rather that having to also stop to have a nappy change,.

Incidentally, my DS still isn't dry at night and he's 5.5.

I'm a bit shocked at the number of people on this thread saying he 'should' be trained by now and that you 'can't' put him back in nappies at his age. That's antiquated thinking and no good for your or your son. There is no should or can't.

If he doesn't want to use the potty yet or isn't ready then go back to nappies. When he's ready it'll be easy. Before that why stress the both of you out. My eldest boy was getting on for 4 before he trained and even then we only did it because school was imminent (and I'm talking three months off, September is still ages from now) otherwise we'd have waited longer.

Also schools are not allowed to refuse a child in nappies under the discrimination act, so if it had got that far we wouldn't actually have had a problem.

So in short, i would ignore social pressure, other mums and anything else and do what feels right for you. If that's back to nappies then so be it. In a year or two no one will care which children were potty trained at 1 and which at 4! Good luck n

I'm a bit shocked at number of people on this thread who think it's acceptable for a child without special needs to be in nappies when they start school. What on earth are the school staff meant to do? Lazy parenting and abdicating basic responsibilities. Children starting school (unless from a very chaotic, disadvantaged family) should be able to take themself to the lavatory, dress themself (including tights or ties and shoe laces if worn), use a knife and fork, sit still for a reasonable amount of time and understand sharing. Teaching is hard enough already without adding to their lot.

if he is not ready he is not ready and nappies will save a lot of stress. if he is ready and just not fancying the idea of potty training the nappies will help.

try different pullups. not all of them are the same. some fit better than others.

3.5 is still within the range of normal. apparently. according to a number of HCPs

crumbs, children are likely not to be diagnosed by 3.5. diagnosis comes much much later for some.

Northern - it's possible that the age has risen because people have realised it's hard work and not in the best interests of the child necessarily to train at 18 months.

Crumbs - there are many reasons why a child might still be in nappies. Special needs is only one of them. Children start too young at school. 4 is crazy. Some are barely a few days past 3. Don't blame lazy parenting, blame the fact kids are forced to start school too young.

And unless you have parented a child without SEN but who has (for whatever reason) been very hard to potty train, then I don't think
It's your place to throw around terms such as 'lazy parenting' or 'abdicating responsibility'.

Have you tried
Lidl pull ups? We've never had a leak in one. Don't listen to those telling you you're doing it wrong. When he's ready he'll be ready. My son wasn't ready til he was 3y 3 months then he was dry in a couple of days.

My son was like that at 3.5, didn't worry. In Xmas hold 2 months before his 4th birthday, started potty training. Gave him the phone or iPad, got him settled on potty and relaxed he started to pee, then next day poo. He has had no bedtime accidents. Please don't worry or stress.

3 1/2 is old for nappies, but he clearly has reasons why he isn't getting it. Have you explored what the reasons might be?

It could be something physical and might need a referral from the GP but it is more likely to be psychological. Is he dry overnight? If so then he is capable of daytime dryness and it's likely not to be a physical problem. Is he basically forgetting to go? Or getting too wrapped up in what he's doing? Were you reminding him to go often enough?

With two others in nappies, for sure your hands are full, could he possibly be using it as an attention seeking thing? I.e he sees the attention the younger ones in nappies are getting and is seeking that too?

Our girl was late out of nappies because of her disability. We had the advice of the incontinence service, which we were referred to when she was 3. The had some good advice about making the toilet a fun place to be. They suggested something she would get to do, a special book or something whilst she was there. We bought one of those leap tag things. Combined with a sticker chart for going.

It worked well for pee. She's 8 now and we still struggle with poo!

We persevered for 3 months with at least 3 accidents a day. She's been dry for 5 months now (3.5 years)
Do not put him back in nappies. He won't feel the sensation, it won't help anyone.
We have today started night time pottt training. I can already see it's going to be frustrating. She's September born so has an extra year before school. Keep going. It does get easier. But consistency is key

Every kid is different. My DD wasn't even remotely ready until 37 months. It was upsetting and horrible for everyone and was making her so embarassed. We took the opportunity over Christmas when we were all home. She was a bit reluctant due to laziness/fear of change so the first few weeks the house was pretty much covered in piss. We did stickers and 'weewee chocolate' (started off with my xmas lindor then went to mini eggs or buttons. As she isn't normally allowed choc she really wanted the rewards). Also lots of story books about potties. Now she's dry and happily and proudly using the loo all the time with very rare accidents. Still pull ups at night (GP said that's a physiological thing there's no point pushing it). I was under so much pressure real and imagined but I'm pleased I waited until she was ready. You'll know your kid and what's right. But use bribes. It's short lived, sod it.

oh and dry at night does not necessarily mean dry in the day. hypermobility syndrome can fuck that one up completely.

I guess this subject divides opinion with those supporting nappies and those against.

I think what I'll do is keep them on a while longer till the warmer weather arrives and then try again.

As for the pull ups I have tried him in them but he just uses them like a nappy so to be honest I'd rather just use a proper nappy that doesn't leak everywhere, I already have 2 in cloth nappies so having another one isn't costing me anything.