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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have asked for £160 from a single mum on income support

539 replies

lucindia · 03/03/2017 19:54

I'm a childminder. I looked after a child for a single mum on income support. She was doing the 15 hours free hours. She phoned to tell me she would be sending her daughter to the local school in 4 weeks time.

So I contacted the funding department to explain that I would no longer be having the child and the date that would start.

They got back to me and said they would only be able to pay the first week of the notice period and the rest would have to be paid for by the parent.

Even though the mum had given me a months notice, I didn't actually have her child at all during that month. The day she text to say she would be going to school in a months time, was the day she stopped coming to me as the Mum was visiting family for a month.

But I was still entitled to be paid for that month. It was also a compulsory notice period.

So I sent a very polite message to the Mum explaining that she would have a balance of £160 to pay as the funding department could only pay 1 weeks notice.

She said that was fine but would need to wait until her income support payment came in the next day and would then send me that. She would send the £60 the following week from her child tax credit.

I thought nothing of it.

I mentioned it in passing to my mother in law (who I get on very well with) and she said she couldn't believe I made her pay £160 when I never even looked after her child for that notice period month and that seeing as my husband and I have a joint income of 40k we could have easily afford to let her off with the £160 which was a lot for a single mum on income support.

I never considered I was doing anything wrong. I'm entitled to be paid for that month and there's a notice period for a reason.

I really like the girls mum and we always had a great relationship when her daughter was with me. She's been with me from before she was 1 as her mum was finishing university.

What do you think. Was I unreasonable to ask for the money?

She's on benefits but qualified in a professional job and job hunting. So does have options.

OP posts:
wildpoppiesanddaisies · 03/03/2017 20:55

Tbf spider childminders look after children but it's a business transaction not voluntary work.

anothermalteserplease · 03/03/2017 20:55

You run your business to make money and you did. I personally wouldn't have done it especially as the child wasn't even with you for the time.

AdoraBell · 03/03/2017 20:57

YANBU

I think your MIL doesn't understand business practice. Sounds like my MIL tbh. We had to cancel a booking over Xmas holiday at short notice. Venue couldn't fill the gap so we had to pay. MIL was outraged at them "charging for nothing"

khajiit13 · 03/03/2017 20:57

Personally no, I wouldn't have asked. The 15 hours are funded and I'd be gutted to be suddenly handed a bill at the end of it. Is there a reason why you phones up so soon, why not wait a few weeks and phone up closer to the end of the notice period? It must have been a struggle for her to find the money. I know in her position I probably couldn't have afforded it.

StealthPolarBear · 03/03/2017 20:58

Is it just childminders that are meant to be kind rather than businesslike?

StatisticallyChallenged · 03/03/2017 20:59

The problem is that parents can and do pull kids at a moments notice. In this instance it's 160 but if it's a full timer then it can be 1000 wiped just like that. We don't deal with the 15 hours funding but have dealt with various other third party funders. In our case the contract is always between us and the parents.

Up here only nurseries can claim the 15 hours, but the private ones almost universally charge parents upfront and then refund when the council pay out.

thebakerwithboobs · 03/03/2017 21:00

I don't understand why she only gave you a month's notice of her daughter starting school? May be slightly off topic but surely she knew that earlier? In which case she could have given you the four weeks' notice four weeks before she did, meaning you had the child, you were paid, she then went visiting with family and you had time to fill the slot. I think you were perfectly reasonable.

EweAreHere · 03/03/2017 21:03

You weren't being unreasonable, but, honestly? I wouldn't have asked for it under the circumstances you've described. You're more than fine without the money, she'd given plenty of notice, and you know she's essentially living benefit/credit payment to payment as a single parent.

lucindia · 03/03/2017 21:05

She gave what she thought was the minimum notice not knowing about the funding. She must have been aware there was a chance she might have to pay something as she specifically asked me to let her know if there was any balance to pay.

I suspect she was expecting any balance to be around £30 mark not £160.

OP posts:
RedAndYellowPeppers · 03/03/2017 21:06

On paper you are totally right. The mother could have told you earlier on so. That she didn't have to pay for the month when her dd was away on hols with her.
The fact the mum didn't try to talk you out of it is probably the sign that yes she knew and had accepted the terms of the contract she had with you.

In reality, a little bit of compassion wouldn't have gone amiss there. And yes it would haven nice not ask for the money.
A bit late now though as she has already paid.

lucindia · 03/03/2017 21:07

It was the minimum notice of course, but she'd have been better giving notice earlier. Not waiting until the deadline for giving notice.

OP posts:
RedAndYellowPeppers · 03/03/2017 21:08

I suspect she was expecting any balance to be around £30 mark not £160.

THAT make me unreasonnable though.
The fact you haven't been able to fill the place now isn't the mum issue.

hidingmystatus · 03/03/2017 21:08

The OP is a business. She needs to stick to her terms. How many of you would have the same attitude if the mother was trying to walk out of a supermarket without paying for everything she was supposed to pay for? Or if it were reversed, and an employer said "I'm not paying your notice period because I didn't need you to work those weeks"?

Guilt tripping the OP for sticking to a contract is perilously close to saying "you're a woman so you should prioritise being nice/kind over your own rights and freely entered contracts". It's not fair and it's a way of making women feel bad about asserting their rights.

StealthPolarBear · 03/03/2017 21:09

Thank you hiding.

lucindia · 03/03/2017 21:09

When I asked for the money it wasn't to be mean or unkind.

I just got the news this was the balance the parent had to pay and asked for it. It's a business.

It was only when my mil mentioned it I questioned it. By certainly at the time it never even entered my head. I'm not a charity but a business.

Obviously if you choose to let someone off with fees that's great, but my thinking is it's not unreasonable not to

OP posts:
wildpoppiesanddaisies · 03/03/2017 21:10

What's the normal notice period?

TheNaze73 · 03/03/2017 21:10

YANBU, you're not a registered charity

Garnethair · 03/03/2017 21:10

Absolutely agree with hiding. Well put.

lucindia · 03/03/2017 21:10

I'm also concerned some people would just take advantage of you were kind like this or you fall into the trap of doing a lot of unpaid work because you're being too generous.

OP posts:
lucindia · 03/03/2017 21:11

She gave the normal notice period of 4 weeks

OP posts:
wildpoppiesanddaisies · 03/03/2017 21:12

I don't think that's quite the equivalent though hiding - it's more a goodwill gesture if you like.

wildpoppiesanddaisies · 03/03/2017 21:12

See I guess I don't fully understand why she had to pay £160? I know you explained but I don't get it! :)

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 03/03/2017 21:14

Bottom line is though. The mum wouldn't have been left struggling without money. If she hadn't been going out to work.

Forcing lone parents out to work will end poverty, my arse

NeverTwerkNaked · 03/03/2017 21:15

Yanbu...but you say (and others) that it is "business" which agree. But the best businesses know how to make their customers feel really positive about them, so they get
Word of mouth recommendations. So if you were a savvy business person (and / or more compassionate) you might have seen the benefit it saying "technically I can charge you this but I am going to waive it (or part of it) as you have been such a great customer " or similar.

PlanIsNoPlan · 03/03/2017 21:16

Does MIL usually show such affinity and consideration for LPs? Or is this just another way she can get at you?